Saturday, October 4, 2014

Christians are horrible people....

            After a year plus of hiatus, starting back with a blog post carrying such a title seems to be inviting judgment, drama and controversy upon myself. I don't suppose I'm a religionist (if there is such a word) since I consider myself a Christian (although I'm not your pious, extra-friendly, bible-quoting kind...I just hope God still counts me as one of His child when I leave my temporary dwelling). Being a Christian convert, I have seen Christians from the eyes of a non-believer. Back then, my best friend was (and still is) a Christian. A good one, I must add. She was my biggest influence in my decision to accept Christ as my Saviour some 18 years ago (gosh, has it been that long? That might explain my jadedness). My 'childhood' Christian ambition was to be more and more Christ-like (isn't that every Christian's ambition?). I also made a vow that I will go to church every week (unless circumstances forbade). One which I have broken time and again.

            My early Christian life was plagued with objection and persecution from the people who claimed to be my family. When I finally left home and was free to follow Jesus, I fell into the sin trap instead. But God wouldn't let me go, so he picked me up from the dirt and cleansed me ....again, and again, and again... I've always seen myself as the 'seed' who fell among the thorns in the parable of the eager at the beginning but then the snares and temptations of the world choked me. So now I'm pretty much what the passionate Christians would label as 'luke-warm Christians'...the kind of salt which Jesus said has lost its saltiness and only fit to be spat out and trampled by the pigs. I've read the bible 4 times over and I hardly read it now. I go to church once a week now (Saturday/ Sunday) but I'm what they called the 'pew warmers' or the 'spectators'...I go to church, go through the service and sermon (more often than not, falling asleep) and go home as soon as service ends. I only have one friend who attends that church  (which has 4 services and accommodates for hundreds) and I don't bother joining a cell group. I struggle with my tithes and offerings. And I don't serve in church (at least not this current one). So yea, I'm a horrible Christian.

            At work, my colleagues and I love bitching about our bosses. But there is a colleague (let's call her P) who doesn't bitch about the bosses. In fact, P is much loved by the bosses. And oh, P happens to be a Christian too...the kind who acts so kind and friendly in front of you but always managed to get you and the other colleagues into trouble by carrying tales to the bosses...P is so pious that putting P on call on weekends thus causing P to not be able to attend church is my sin...that was why God made me rearrange the call list 6 times to suit P's needs. P is so blessed that P gets away with every stupidity and irresponsible act. Although P backstabbed another Christian colleague, P still thinks P is very kind. P reminds me of Hilary Faye in Saved! I remembered watching that show with my roommate back in uni. And I thought, Christians can be so horrible. And some Christians think they deserve the blessings and goodness that come upon them, when what we all really deserve is to be burning in hell. And sometimes I question God, why do you allow evil men to prosper? Still I don't get my answer.

           But I really should get to my point. So what exactly is my point? Christians are only humans...and humans are quite a horrible bunch (pardon me if I've offended the self-righteous lots here). We are all sick (in some sense). That's why Jesus came to heal the sick. And He said "only the sick needs the doctor". And I'm glad that I have the best doctor anyone could ever have. I've been through a lot of shit the past year. I supposed that's part of God's plan to help me grow. Though at most times, I can't see how those incidents/ people/ stuffs might help. But I still think Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. There's still a long way to go in this race. I just hope that when I reach the finish line, He will be there to tell me "you've finished well, good and faithful servant" (coz the alternative of an eternity in burning fire is too scary for me to even contemplate).