Saturday, May 13, 2017

W - Two Worlds

    I just finished watching another Kdrama "W - Two Worlds" last night...I must say this one hits eerily closest to home than all the dramas I've watched before...just a little background on the main female lead: 30 year-old cardiothoracic resident who created her dream guy in the form of the main male lead (the main character of the famous webtoon "W" drawn by her father)...ok, I can't draw to save my own life...but if I could, I would have drawn and created my own dream guy...of course nothing is stopping me from creating my own dream guy in my imaginary world and imagine how our day-to-day sweet romance would play out...but I'm digressing....

    Anyway, I loved this Kdrama...it's a fiction fantasy, sci-fi, psycho-thriller, mystery, drama and romance all snowballed into one...my mind is still reeling from all the suspense and plot-twists...it gets a little messy at times...and confusing too...what with all the movements between the real and cartoon worlds...not to mention that I don't understand Korean and the English subtitles sometimes don't exactly convey the actual meaning of the lines in Korean...still, I loved how this drama gives you the idea that perhaps in every created worlds (even cartoon worlds), the characters in the worlds are really alive and sometimes develop their own will and desire....

    I think another concept that many would find attractive is that 2 people from 2 different worlds can meet and eventually fall in love with each other...actually that's pretty cliche...but i think in this drama it's more like the girl created her dream guy who lives in a parallel world but eventually ended up saving his life and brought him to (real) life...now who doesn't love the idea of a dream guy turning into reality? Doesn't matter if he has no identity or money in the real world...

    Although initially I didn't think the main actor of the drama is good-looking, he actually fits his character well...he does look like as if he came out of a comic book...he's tall, fair with a cute boyish charm that befits a main character of a webtoon...the main actress is quite pretty...but I do wonder why they always make the female lead awkward and easily flustered...especially when in front of the male lead...and somehow, although the male lead doesn't think the female lead is beautiful, he finds her charming in her own ways and falls in love with her...does this even happen in real life?

    In the drama, there are a lot of variables in the cartoon and real world which changes the dynamics and course of the cartoon world...and because the female lead (from the real world) went into the cartoon world and became the female lead in the cartoon world, the original female lead in the cartoon world started to disappear because she has lost her purpose of existence in the cartoon world...which got me to think, sometimes in life, your happy ending might have been someone else's sad ending...and I wonder if maybe that's why I think I don't deserve a happy ending...because my happiness is at the cost of another person's sadness and suffering...

    Anyway, there are some nice songs in the OST of this drama...and the songs are very suitably written for the drama...i don't usually like songs with rap, but "In the Illusion" feels like the perfect song for this drama...a friend asked if he should watch this drama, so I told him that if he liked the idea of cartoon characters coming to life and real people going into the cartoon world, then watch it!

Saturday, May 6, 2017

My Kdrama binge: Of mermaid and time traveller...

    So it has been a little more than one year since my last post...I guess my life in Malacca had been so uneventful that I hardly felt the urge to type out a post...true to my INFJ self, I'm turning into a hermit who drama binges...previously it used to be Taiwanese drama series but I must have been bitten by a Korean bug recently...so I'm binging on Kdramas: Doctors, Descendants of the Sun, Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, Romantic Doctor (Teacher Kim), Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, The Legend of the Blue Sea and Tomorrow With You...

    And the poison is working its way into this jaded myocardial tissues...so I need to purge them out by typing them in a blog post...I didn't want to watch the Legend of the Blue Sea initially because it revolves around reincarnation of a man and his mermaid lover...I thought it might be boring...but after the first 2 episodes, I was hooked...must have been Lee Min Ho's too-beautiful-eyes-for-a-man gaze that did me in...and I did love the idea of a love that transcends time and death...that 2 people who loved each other will still be destined to love each other in their reincarnated lives...except that I can't believe in reincarnation...anyway, with love like that, it's only nice and wonderful if you're the leading man and lady who are in love with each other...if you were the other guy who was in love with the leading lady or the other girl who was in love with the leading man, imagine being reincarnated and still suffered from unrequited love...yea, life's just unfair that way I guess... 

    I was very intrigued with Tomorrow With You because it was about this guy who's a time traveller...I'm a sucker for time travelling stories...it all started with Back to the Future (I think that was the first movie that got me so fascinated about time travelling)...then there were Star Trek, The Butterfly Effect, Jumper, The Time Traveller's Wife and Midnight in Paris...anyway, what I loved about Tomorrow With You is how two people who were never destined to be together in their lifetime somehow got their lives intertwined with each other because someone meddled with their lives in the future...the guy and girl escaped death from a subway accident 7 years prior...guy lost his parents in the said accident and somehow developed the ability to time travel (only to the future) when he rides the subway which passes the accident site...he met another time traveller who guided him in the ways of time travelling...present time was set in 2016 and somehow the guy could not travel pass 2019...he eventually finds out that he died in March 2019 and there was a girl who died at the same time he died...so after being advised by his time travelling mentor, he decided to meet the girl and try to change their future...

    So as how most dramas start out, guy and girl didn't like each other in the beginning...but the guy decided to marry the girl within 3 months of their meeting because of the things he saw in the future...i loved how their love developed in their marriage...how being able to see what happened in the future made the guy want to love and protect the girl even more...and made him treat her even better than he would have...I loved how despite the guy's self-centredness and selfish motives and the girl's inferiority complex and feelings of inadequacy, they fought through their differences and cherished the moments they had in the present...I loved how both of them tried to become better persons for the other person...I loved how when the guy disappeared into the future and the girl continued to wait for him to return...

    But somehow, it seemed like no matter how hard the guy tried to change the future, it didn't seem to work...and for some time, his present self was stuck in a future that was past his date of death...which meant he didn't die on the day he was supposed to have died...but the girl did...so he tried really hard to get back into the present time before their death date and succeeded...eventually he managed to save them from dying but it wasn't without a sacrifice...I suppose time travelling is a fascinating but scary thing...it's like the more you try to change the past/ future, the worse things might end up...but I do wonder how it might be like to be a time traveller's wife...or even to be a time traveller...the burden of knowing what will happen in the future and yet not able to change it...

    I guess we all have things in the past we wished we had done or hadn't done...and we all have wished we could go back in time to do/undo the things we regretted on...and if I could go back in time, there's really one thing I would have wanted to do that perhaps would have changed the present in a much better way...but of course that's not possible...and I've always been a worrier of tomorrow...it would be nice to be able to see what the future holds for me...

Saturday, March 26, 2016

告別

人生理有遇見而終有一天就會告別。。。原因只有心理知道。。。爱一個人,從來就不想說再見。。。可是有時候, 情況難免。。。可能是因為他從來都沒愛過妳。。。也許過了太久, 他對妳的愛已經冷淡了。。。爱者一个不爱妳的人是很难受。。。何必受苦呢? 所以選擇放開手。。。放開他。。。而放開自己。。。自己一個人受苦比為了一個人受苦好。。。很想跟他說其实不要離開的。。。還是好想念。。。但沒有妳的生活,他還過得很好。。

善意的朋友劝妳,他不适合妳。。。他在利用妳。。。妳值得更好。。。但妳很想相信他有愛過妳的。。。他還愛者妳的。。。只是他不能給妳所要的快樂, 所以假裝冷淡。。。不过现实很残酷。。。妳不必騙自己。。。只能默默的祝福他。。。還是要幸福。。。而妳慢慢也會痊癒。。。希望未來的對象會有幸福的結局。。。





 

Sunday, March 13, 2016

An un-fairytale-like life...

     You know how in movies, a man and a woman always meet by chance/ serendipity/ fate/ etc? And their characters are usually worlds apart but somehow it was like they've found their soul mate in each other and despite all the craziness and ups and downs, they still ended up together...although we don't ever get to see what happens during "happily ever after"...and so growing up, you, the ever hopeless romantic, wished and prayed that that's how your love life would play out in real life...but real life has a way of thwarting your plans and wishes...so broken relationships after broken relationships, you grew more jaded and disillusioned...and along the way, you've been told that falling in love is easy and staying in love is hard work...and that falling in love is an involuntary high that would eventually wear off while choosing to love in spite of someone's flaws is the kind of love that would last...
      
     So one day, you decided to not let your heart rule your head anymore and choose to love someone who claimed to love you...someone who have loved you for a long long time...for a while, you seemed to be able to fool your heart and head into believing that this was the right thing to do...but you ended up stuck in a relationship that made you miserable and angry all the time...he didn't just murder the hopeless romantic in you, he buried it so deep that you'd probably never be able to exhume whatever residue was left...and finally after months of contemplation, you decided you wanted out...you've been reduced to a shadow of your former self and you didn't think you could live like that for the rest of your life...

     Somewhere along your unhappy relationship, you had a chance meeting with a man under the strangest circumstance...somehow, he left a mark, somewhere in your subconscious mind i suppose...but you didn't think much of it coz after all, yours is a real life yea? And so you trudged along in your real mundane life...and just when you think your life couldn't get any worse, it did...but you're no quitter...so you bulldozed on...and then you asked God why? it's not like you were gonna meet someone new where you were...and then, just like an answer to a prayer you didn't really mean to pray, you had a 2nd chance meeting with that man, again under the most unlikely circumstance (sometimes I wonder at God's sense of humour and irony)...and then he disappeared from your life again...so you moved on...thinking chance meeting are better left as just that...after all, your life was a big furry ball of mess anyway...

     And just when your life seemed to be climbing back up from shithole to mundane, the man contacted you...and something started...although you knew he was the kind of man your mom would specifically forbid you to date...and you knew he was not right for you...even your friends warned you...but you told yourself, nay, we're not dating...we're just friends...and your self-esteem was so damaged from your recent relationship that you didn't even think he was in any way remotely interested in you...but it turned out that he was interested in you...and at the beginning, he was so into you...there was a stupid saying that went something like this: marry the person who is willing to drive 5 hours just to see you for 1 hour...and he was doing something like that...and you were so touched by his thoughtfulness...in the beginning your head told you to run for your life...don't get involved with him...and you did try to tell him that you guys shouldn't be starting something that has no future...but somehow he was so persistent...and you fell hook, line and sinker...

     But as this is real life, all good things will come to an end...few months down the road, he seemed distracted...you were no longer his priority...and you wondered if you were ever his priority...while in the beginning, there were daily good mornings and good nights (to show that you were the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep), now he would go on for days without sending you messages...he doesn't make the time to drive the distance to see you like how he used to...and when you're back in town, he doesn't pick you up to go out anymore...you asked him if he was getting bored of you, but as with most men who were, he said you were thinking too much...he said he was busy with a lot of things... which only convinced you further that he was not so into you anymore...

     Friends told you it's time to move on...but since you're no quitter, you gave him the benefit of doubt...but things only seem to drift further apart for both of you...you were unhappy...you thought, no woman likes to be a back-burner/ time-filler/ non-priority in a man's life...especially a man who was priority to her...and you told him how you felt, and he told you all this was not important...and during your last meeting, when both of you were hanging out with his friends, he danced with the 2 other women in the group, but never once did he ask you to dance...and you wondered, was he trying to stir up jealousy in me? or was that his not-so-subtle hint that he'd rather be dancing with other women than me? anyhow, you were finally convinced that it was time to move on...on your own...for your own sanity's sake and future... sometimes, you just have to be a selfish bitch who puts herself as priority in her own life...and yet, you feel guilty for wanting to end this non-relationship thinking you don't want to hurt his feelings, when he probably won't even miss you when you're gone... and you thought this was probably the ultimate goodbye speech and wondered if you should try it on him...












     So it's time to move on in your un-fairytale-like life...you tell yourself, it's better to be miserable out of your own choice than be miserable due to someone else...and you'd rather be alone and happy/ miserable than have someone but still feel miserable...and at this point in life, while most of your friends are living with their happily ever after which revolves around cute little kids, surely you've learned enough lessons in love and in life...here're a few on top of my head:
  1. Not everyone whom you meet by chance/ fate/ serendipity will be the one for you...
  2. Sometimes you meet the right guy whom you're crazy about, but at the wrong time and place...and somehow things just don't work out for you...
  3. Sometimes in a relationship, love really just ain't enough...
  4. You know how we are told to always look for the best in others, they didn't tell you that most times you will still get disappointed by others despite their best intentions...
  5. Stop being gullible and don't let ppl take advantage of your kindness
  6. Everyone will fail you...only God won't...and you're His utmost priority...     
     
     Well, since you're suffering the curse of singlehood (which is probably to wander restlessly alone in the world), it's time to brush up your poor rusty French to prepare for your Paris and Southern France trip...a whiff of the cool Mediterranean breeze will always do good to your soul...

Saturday, February 27, 2016

New place, new beginning...

     So it's been almost 2 months since I relocated to Malacca from KB...started my gazettement in Hospital Malacca just after the New Year...which seemed like a great start to a new year...close one chapter and start a new chapter...and the story continues...I suppose this is a good place to start afresh...in a city where I'm a stranger to...where nobody knows me and my past...where everything is new and full of exciting possibilities...

     Work life has been great so far...although not without drama that makes Grey's Anatomy dull in comparison...ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit...but drama is drama...don't get me wrong...my boss is great...and she's very supportive and helpful and teaches me a lot while giving me lots of room to learn on my own...and my MOs are great...so are most of the staffs...it's just the situations that occur during our day to day work that are dramatic...in a way, it is more preferable than office politics and human drama...

     So now that I've got the career that I've always wanted...it should be time for wedding bells and kids right? hmmm, but I think I have the bad habit of sabotaging my own love life... in as much as I want to start a family, I think deep down in my subconscious mind, I'm a commitment-phobe...so I kept dating men who are wrong for me...even when I know that from the start...even when close friends tell me what I already know...I still jump into it with eyes wide open...or was it blind faith? maybe so that few years or months down the road, I can use the "we're wrong for each other" reason to get me out of it before things get too far? and maybe deep inside, I'm a boyfriend-stealing bitch...since I've managed to get myself involved with men who were already in a relationship with another woman...although not in a thousand lives could I imagine how I could have managed to do that... I'm not proud of that...it makes me mad at myself...and mad at those two-timing bastards...but who am I to throw any stone huh?

     So they say that I should not let my past define my future...or something like that...and my past mistakes does not mean the end of my world and I should take them as lessons learnt...or something to that effect...and an idea came to me one of those sleepless nights... that I should celebrate my birthday in a new city/ country every year from now on...and so, I shall be keeping myself busy planning for my birthday trip this May...and perchance, a miracle happens and I do meet a man whom I will be crazy enough about to want to marry and vice versa...and an even bigger miracle of that happening before all my ova expires...who says I can't still be celebrating my birthday in a new city/country each year? I'll have someone to share half the cost of travelling...how wonderful is that huh?

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough...

    Most of us children of the 80s would probably have heard of this song called 'Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough' sung by Patty Smyth and Don Henley in the early 90s...I've always thought it was a really sad song...the idealist cannot except the fact that sometimes, love really just ain't enough...and as the idealist became more jaded by the world, it became clear that really, sometimes love just ain't enough...to sustain a long distance relationship ...to overcome the odds of 2 people from different worlds staying committed to a long-term relationship....or even for the union of 'a daughter of Christ' and 'a son of Lucifer'...

    Heard the song playing on LiteFM (thanks to my bro) yesterday while on the way to attend a distant cousin's wedding...can't help thinking that the song tugged at a raw nerve...

Now, I don't want to lose you
But I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
 
    Oh well, perhaps human love isn't enough...but i choose to believe that God's love is enough...although sometimes we are wretched enough to celebrate the birth of Christ (who is God's love incarnate) in the most undeserving way... may the Lord forgive those of us who have forsaken His Love to chase after meaningless endeavour...

Friday, August 28, 2015

Post free flap frenzy depression....

        I'm not sure if it's a combination of exhaustion and days of sleep debt, but free flap frenzy always leave me at a low when it's finally over...We've practically been living in the OT since Sunday till Wednesday for flap OT after flap OT...I was a bit luckier as I went back earlier on Sunday as I was pre-call and on Tuesday as I was post-call...but we were up whole night on Monday and I only got home past midnight on Wednesday...by Thursday we were all ready to just go into hibernation...I think the late nights were getting to the bosses as well and us seniors were bearing the brunt...Yea, I know, it's part of the learning process to be hammered for everything you didn't do right in the bosses' eyes...but when tension is high and your nerves are frazzled and frayed, all those hammering can leave you feeling less than appreciative (or appreciated)...
        And so Thursday finally came...and I was overjoyed and felt really grateful that this crazy week has come to an end...and yet there I was, feeling low and depressed as well...I wished I had somebody to talk to and unload the burden that's weighing me down...then I realized that I didn't have that somebody...no one whom I can run to for words of comfort...who'd just listen to my complaints with empathy and understanding...who'd remind me he'll always be there for me no matter how much turmoil and ugliness I feel within me...and that realization plunged me further into my depth of despair....coz it's really sad when you seem to be not alone but deep down you actually feel alone...
         But I really shouldn't be complaining...I may not have a physical person whom I can confide in...but I have the God of the heavens and earth who knows my anguish and despair...and He will lift my soul and help me rise again... I think I shall go repay my sleep debt now...