Saturday, October 4, 2014

Christians are horrible people....

            After a year plus of hiatus, starting back with a blog post carrying such a title seems to be inviting judgment, drama and controversy upon myself. I don't suppose I'm a religionist (if there is such a word) since I consider myself a Christian (although I'm not your pious, extra-friendly, bible-quoting kind...I just hope God still counts me as one of His child when I leave my temporary dwelling). Being a Christian convert, I have seen Christians from the eyes of a non-believer. Back then, my best friend was (and still is) a Christian. A good one, I must add. She was my biggest influence in my decision to accept Christ as my Saviour some 18 years ago (gosh, has it been that long? That might explain my jadedness). My 'childhood' Christian ambition was to be more and more Christ-like (isn't that every Christian's ambition?). I also made a vow that I will go to church every week (unless circumstances forbade). One which I have broken time and again.

            My early Christian life was plagued with objection and persecution from the people who claimed to be my family. When I finally left home and was free to follow Jesus, I fell into the sin trap instead. But God wouldn't let me go, so he picked me up from the dirt and cleansed me ....again, and again, and again... I've always seen myself as the 'seed' who fell among the thorns in the parable of the sower...so eager at the beginning but then the snares and temptations of the world choked me. So now I'm pretty much what the passionate Christians would label as 'luke-warm Christians'...the kind of salt which Jesus said has lost its saltiness and only fit to be spat out and trampled by the pigs. I've read the bible 4 times over and I hardly read it now. I go to church once a week now (Saturday/ Sunday) but I'm what they called the 'pew warmers' or the 'spectators'...I go to church, go through the service and sermon (more often than not, falling asleep) and go home as soon as service ends. I only have one friend who attends that church  (which has 4 services and accommodates for hundreds) and I don't bother joining a cell group. I struggle with my tithes and offerings. And I don't serve in church (at least not this current one). So yea, I'm a horrible Christian.

            At work, my colleagues and I love bitching about our bosses. But there is a colleague (let's call her P) who doesn't bitch about the bosses. In fact, P is much loved by the bosses. And oh, P happens to be a Christian too...the kind who acts so kind and friendly in front of you but always managed to get you and the other colleagues into trouble by carrying tales to the bosses...P is so pious that putting P on call on weekends thus causing P to not be able to attend church is my sin...that was why God made me rearrange the call list 6 times to suit P's needs. P is so blessed that P gets away with every stupidity and irresponsible act. Although P backstabbed another Christian colleague, P still thinks P is very kind. P reminds me of Hilary Faye in Saved! I remembered watching that show with my roommate back in uni. And I thought, Christians can be so horrible. And some Christians think they deserve the blessings and goodness that come upon them, when what we all really deserve is to be burning in hell. And sometimes I question God, why do you allow evil men to prosper? Still I don't get my answer.

           But I really should get to my point. So what exactly is my point? Christians are only humans...and humans are quite a horrible bunch (pardon me if I've offended the self-righteous lots here). We are all sick (in some sense). That's why Jesus came to heal the sick. And He said "only the sick needs the doctor". And I'm glad that I have the best doctor anyone could ever have. I've been through a lot of shit the past year. I supposed that's part of God's plan to help me grow. Though at most times, I can't see how those incidents/ people/ stuffs might help. But I still think Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. There's still a long way to go in this race. I just hope that when I reach the finish line, He will be there to tell me "you've finished well, good and faithful servant" (coz the alternative of an eternity in burning fire is too scary for me to even contemplate).

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Happy 366 Days!

To my beloved, 

I know this sounds cliche but it really doesn't feel like a year has passed since we got together...maybe coz we've been apart from each other most of the time...someone once said i lived from holidays to holidays...now i live from meeting you to meeting you again...i guess that has helped me to survive in this hell on earth...

Yea, we fight...we make up...we fight again...and make up again...but that's not going to come between us...i'm your prayer answered...if God is for us, who can be against us? ;)

Can't wait to see you again...you owe me an anniversary celebration :P...here's to more anniversaries to come...

Your girlfriend,
Kathleen

P/S: I Love You!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Back To Wonderland - Khalil Fong

 


It's been a long while since my last post...not that i have less complaints about life but i guess i was getting tired of just posting laments and sob stories on my blog...anyway, Khalil's back with his new album...Back to Wonderland, which was released last December...didn't go all out to search for his album like how i used to when i was head over heels with him...hehe...but i guess God knows what His children need...

So last Wednesday was a great day...it was OT day and there was supposed to be a free flap on...but praise be to God that the flap didn't happen...the wound could be closed primarily...hahahaha...best news of the day...OT finished before 2pm...yipee!!!! so i had time to go for dinner with Karen after all...

We went for Burger King at KB Mall...then went hunting for her iPhone case...she ended up buying a neon green one...next she wanted to lepak at Popular...was checking out CDs aimlessly at their CDRama section when i stumbled upon Khalil's Back to Wonderland...last one on the rack...as if it was waiting for me to buy it...hahaha...so yea, i bought it...and had a 10% discount coz Karen had the member card...ahhh....the little things in life that is happiness :)

Been listening to his album the last 2 days...these are the songs in the album, which is a little more than 40 minutes only...a shame coz i'd definitely listen to it again and again even if the whole album lasted more than an hour...hehe...


I'm not crazy about all the songs in the album...though they all definitely have Khalil's distinct signature in them...i particularly like song no. 5 besides song no. 10...song no. 5 has a very feel good music that makes you want to listen to it over and over...anyway, just wanna share the lyrics and translation...

 關於愛的定義(Definition of Love) 

LOVE 用色彩最美麗 用歌聲最甜蜜   (Love, using colour is the most beautiful, using singing is the sweetest)
無法形容 愛情流動在你走過的空氣裡   (Indescribable, love flows from the atmosphere you've passed by)
多麼愛你 (how i love you)
只要 天空開始下雨  (as soon as the sky starts to rain)
想念在心裡 就漫漫而來  (the longing in my heart slowly creeps in)
在熟悉卻寂寞的城市 愛如此的迂迴  (in this familiar yet lonely city, love is like a roundabout)
是還要等多久 好近又好遠  (how much longer to wait? so near yet so far)
現在的我該如何 能走進你最深的心  (now how am i supposed to enter the depth of your heart?)

要多久 有些花會晚開多久 (How long? some flowers bloom late, how long?)
有些人要等待多久  (to wait for some people?)
為了你一句話 BABY 那一句話 BABY  (because of your one word, baby, that one word, baby)
要等多久 癡心像個小孩多久  (how long to wait? infatuated like a little child, how long?)
每天都在期待  (hoping everyday)
有時候 轉一個彎的幸福  (sometimes, happiness that went though a bent)
才是最真的幸福  (is the most genuine happiness)

當 天空開始下雨  (when the sky starts to rain)
想念在心裡就漫漫而來  (the longing in my heart slowly creeps in)
在熟悉卻寂寞的城市  愛如此的迂迴 (in this familiar yet lonely city, love is like a roundabout)
是還要等多久 
好近又好遠  (how much longer to wait? so near yet so far)
現在的我該如何 能走進你最深的心  (now how am i supposed to enter the depth of your heart?)

愛是沒有回頭的路 關於愛的定義 模糊  (love is a journey of no return, the definition of love is fuzzy)
就算最後受了傷害 不在乎不在乎  (even if in the end suffered injury, i don't care, i don't care)
BABY 你是最甜蜜是又痛又傻我的心  (baby, you're the sweetest, my foolish heart aches)
都不會退 只是愛你  (but will not give up, only love you)
MY HEART 並無所求  (my heart, does not ask for anything)