Saturday, July 23, 2011

Another week....

So i've survived another week...this week we were left with 4 MOs...3 of us 1st years and the registrar...thankfully there were no free we could breath a little easier...but it was still an overwhelming week for me...coz i had to prepare a journal a punishment for not ensuring the person who was supposed to be in OT and the 1st patient on the list arrived in OT before the boss if i could control things like that...if i did, i would be God and my boss wouldn't be my basically i was punished for not being God...really, and they say men are more rational than us women...

So i had to hunt for journals in the library on Monday...thankfully, i did manage to find the journals i needed...and so i was preparing my presentation in the library...just as i saved my presentation and was about to send it to my email account, there was a blackout...Elaine commented in my FB saying "why do things keep happening to you?"...honestly i have no idea and i would love to know why's not like i make "Lord-please-let-unfortunate-things-happen-to-me-on-a-daily-basis-so-i-have-things-to-complain-about-in-FB" my daily prayer request...well, thank God that the power came back after an hour or i managed to get the file on my email so that i could continue my work elsewhere...

And my cute boss was picking on me the whole week long, that i no longer find him cute...i'm sure he meant well with all his nagging...but really, men who nag are such turn-offs...and on Thursday, i managed to revised my flap presentation while i was on call...i thought i had a great call come Friday morning...coz i was waiting for the ortho ppl to call me regarding this suspected femoral artery thrombosis patient...but no calls came...then i found out from my colleague who went to icu for round in the morning that my boss went in for that patient and did a PTFE graft bypass...and he didn't even bother calling me to go in...did he really think i'm that un-useful? or did the ortho ppl tried calling me and couldn't get through to me so they called my boss instead? but i didn't get any msges saying i had 100 miss calls from the hospital...dang!!! i just hope i'm not in trouble when i go to work on Sunday...

Anyway, i'm just glad another week is life has been reduced to so little that every little good thing that happens feels so good...back then, i guess i've taken for granted all the good things i i'm counting every blessings despite all the shit that's happening...and i have to thank Corrinne May for her songs...they really help me draw nearer to God...just wanna share some songs of hers that have kept me sane the past week....

Safe in A Crazy World by Corrinne May

I try to smile my tears away,
I try to keep my cool.
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter,
My heart just wants to bleed and stop Believing in me.

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and i crumble and I'm sinking to my knees for you
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's on a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

5 Loaves & 2 Fishes by Corrinne May

A little of 13 was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing
And he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one Man
He spoke with such wisdom even the kids could understand
The hours passes so quickly, the day turned into night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox, at the little that he had
He wasn’t sure what good it’ll do, there were thousands to be fed
But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus, the kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out with the trust of a child

He said

* Take my 5 loaves and 2 fishes
Do with it as You will
I surrender
Take my fears my inhibitions
All my burdens my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all (I hope it’s not too small) (no gift is too small)

I often think about that boy
When I’m feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all
But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face I will offer up in prayer
So I’ll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, You can work miracles
All You need is my Amen

Repeat *

I trust in You, I trust in You

Everything In Its Time by Corrinne May

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead

How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Do check out the songs...she's really a brilliant singer-songwriter...and her voice will definitely calm a soul in turmoil...will share more songs another time...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Locked-in syndrome...again...and birthdays...

This week was a mixture of good and bad...more good though...which i'm very thankful for...i wasn't on call during the i had time to go to church to practice keyboard after work...Suet Lai asked me to play the keyboard for her during this Friday's worship...since i suck big time at playing, i needed more practice...also, this week Alisa (with Anthony and Darrien) and Chiew Ping came to USM for their stats it was good to have more friends around...

So one of the days when i went to church to practice keyboard, i got locked in again when i was trying to come out of the was on the first after i was done locking up and went down the stairs...there was a door and a grill downstairs....and i couldn't open the door despite unlocking was bloody stuck...Alisa was outside and i asked her to open the grill to help me unlock the door from the outside...but she said the grill was locked...i was quite alarmed as i remembered i didn't lock the grill..

As i was panicking in the dark (coz i turned off the light at the stairway), suddenly the lights went on...and i heard doors being closed and locked...then suddenly a man's voice asked, "tak boleh buka pintu?" i was quite shocked that there was another person in the unit...i found out later that apparently there's someone staying up at the 2nd i said, "tak boleh" in my most despaired tone...and he said, "cuba pusing ke atas" i turned the handle upwards and voila!! the door opened...thank God for that man...coz if it wasn't for him i would have been locked in for quite sometime...again...but really, how would i know that i had to turn the handle upward to open a door? that's just not normal...

On Thursday, i had to be delivery girl for my boss and seniors in OT coz they just couldn't bear to eat the OT food anymore...i had to drop my ward work to go buy food for them...really, back in KK, my bosses would wait for us MOs to go for lunch together...and if anyone went to ta pau, it was when the person is free and didn't have ward work pending...sigh, i guess i've really been spoilt in KK...i guess this is the price to pay for having sold my soul to the devil...i actually had a very naughty thought while buying them food...i wanted to put a lot of chilli and sambal in their soup...but my conscience won in the end...

Thursday was also Khalil's birthday...and i have yet to listen to his new album 15...although the package from HK is sitting at home in KL waiting for me to open it...So Friday i played keyboard at church...i played as if all the week's practice didn't mean anything...coz it was still bad i had to turn down the keyboard's volume so as not to injure any musical ears...came home and slept for 3 hours...then a bunch of us went for dinner at 4 Seasons...and then after that went for dessert at Red Bean Cafe...gosh...weekend has become feasting days for me...since i hardly get proper meals during the weekdays...

So now it's early Saturday morning...and i'm on call later...and i'm wide awake coz i slept earlier in the afternoon...dang!!! it's also Joe's birthday today...sent him a birthday wish msg which he replied with a virtual kiss, hahaha..felt bad that i'm not in KL to celebrate his birthday with him...since he actually came back from Penang to celebrate my birthday with me...i should have asked for this weekend off and gone back to KL...but it's my fault really...i actually didn't remember that it's Joe's birthday today :P...such a horrible friend i am....oh well, good friends will understand that even though we're not near each other, our thoughts and prayers are always with them....Happy Birthday Khalil and Joe!!!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Worst nightmare...and a miracle...

Ok, so i've been in KB for about a month now...and i've finally been able to move into my new room over the weekend...i've been squatting at suet lai's room all this while...really thank God she didn't chase me out...but i really felt that i was overstaying my was really glad when i could move into my new place...

While staying at suet lai's place, i've managed to have my first encounter with the notoriously noxious Paederus dermatitis...for 5 years i was in uni during undergrad i've managed to escape those bloody insects and 2 weeks into my stay in KB this time round the Paederus got to me...and of all places it had to be the damn painful...and later on so itchy...i was so worried it was going to spread when the blisters broke...but thank God it didn't spread...and my skin is healing quite well...still itchy...and hyperpigmented...but i'll survive...

Today i got to come back from work early (early means before the sunsets) i went to do some grocery shopping and went back to my 2 day-old minute i went into my room to put my bag (with my phone, house and car keys in it), the next minute i took my grocery bag to the kitchen and closed the room door behind me...after unloading my grocery, i went back to my room only to find my door has decided to lock me out...there was a latch behind the door and it must have latched on when i closed the in the world that happened is beyond me....

I tried not to panic...i banged and banged against the door...without any success...then i just couldn't take it anymore...i just broke down and cried and cried...and asked God what did i do wrong? why is this happening to me? do i even need this? is my life not shitty enough already? i'm already so tired...and i'm locked out of my room and in my house...and my housemate isn't around...and i couldn't get any help from anyone...tell me if you wouldn't feel helpless in such a situation...

I was walking around the hall helplessly trying to look for something strong enough to break the latch...finally settled for my newly bought 5kg dynamo detergent bottle...banged and banged with all my strength while asking God to have mercy and give me a miracle...i really had no one to turn to after about 20 minutes of banging, the door miraculously opened...thank God for His mercy...but i think i was still pissed that what happened happened...such an ungrateful daughter i am...and my hands and arms were shaking for quite some time after that...

All the really really long hours at work i can still endure...but to come home and get locked out of my room with no means of getting out of the house and no means to call anyone for help? i don't think i can take too much of such unneccesary stress...i'm just glad this ordeal is over...i don't know if i can take another one my way...but Lord, if You plan to, then You'll have to make sure You get me out of it...coz i can't do it on my own...