So I did not pass my finals...and so although I'm still a Miss, but I'm not a Ms yet...it's not a big deal really, many ppl do not pass their finals on the 1st attempt...I wouldn't be the first person anyway...nevertheless, it's still a massive blow to me...as one of my uni mate commented, it's more difficult for me as I've never failed before (which btw is not true as I have failed before, just not finals)...the thing is, all my life, I've always linked passing exams (especially with flying colours) to blessings by God...don't get me wrong, I put in my effort and share of hard work but I've always felt that it was God's grace, miracle and blessing that I did well in my exams...that's why not passing my finals hit me so hard...it was like God has withheld His blessing from me...the miracle that I prayed so hard for did not happen...totally shattered my confidence...
So it was decided for me by my uni bosses that I shall be doing my remedial back in uni for the next 6 months...a decision which I welcomed with arms and heart wide open...I've had enough of my time in my outcampus hospital...what initially was supposed to be a respite from my crazy work schedule in uni had become a nightmare of a workplace and eventually, my downfall...according to my uni boss, I had allowed those ppl to totally destroy my confidence...in part, it was the fault of my character weakness to have allowed them to bully me...but mostly, I hope karma will grip them like a dog gripping its bone...
So apparently I failed because I did not have the confidence to become a specialist...my uni boss consoled me by saying that my theory marks were among the highest (although i'm sure they were a far cry from the As I used to get - how the mighty has fallen)...and in fact, my total marks were higher than some of those who passed...but yea, I failed because I did not have the confidence to express my knowledge during most of my clinical sessions...and so, I have another 6 months (or so) to "find back my old self, the one who used to do well while in uni" (quoted verbatim from my uni boss)...
I'm sure there's something good that will emerge from this tragedy of my life...not sure what it will be...only God knows of His plans for me...but until I passed my finals, wedding bells will continue to be a distant dream, while my ova continue to waste away...
