善意的朋友劝妳，他不适合妳。。。他在利用妳。。。妳值得更好。。。但妳很想相信他有愛過妳的。。。他還愛者妳的。。。只是他不能給妳所要的快樂， 所以假裝冷淡。。。不过现实很残酷。。。妳不必騙自己。。。只能默默的祝福他。。。還是要幸福。。。而妳慢慢也會痊癒。。。希望未來的對象會有幸福的結局。。。
Saturday, March 26, 2016
告別
人生理有遇見而終有一天就會告別。。。原因只有心理知道。。。爱一個人，從來就不想說再見。。。可是有時候， 情況難免。。。可能是因為他從來都沒愛過妳。。。也許過了太久， 他對妳的愛已經冷淡了。。。爱者一个不爱妳的人是很难受。。。何必受苦呢？ 所以選擇放開手。。。放開他。。。而放開自己。。。自己一個人受苦比為了一個人受苦好。。。很想跟他說其实不要離開的。。。還是好想念。。。但沒有妳的生活，他還過得很好。。
善意的朋友劝妳，他不适合妳。。。他在利用妳。。。妳值得更好。。。但妳很想相信他有愛過妳的。。。他還愛者妳的。。。只是他不能給妳所要的快樂， 所以假裝冷淡。。。不过现实很残酷。。。妳不必騙自己。。。只能默默的祝福他。。。還是要幸福。。。而妳慢慢也會痊癒。。。希望未來的對象會有幸福的結局。。。
善意的朋友劝妳，他不适合妳。。。他在利用妳。。。妳值得更好。。。但妳很想相信他有愛過妳的。。。他還愛者妳的。。。只是他不能給妳所要的快樂， 所以假裝冷淡。。。不过现实很残酷。。。妳不必騙自己。。。只能默默的祝福他。。。還是要幸福。。。而妳慢慢也會痊癒。。。希望未來的對象會有幸福的結局。。。
Sunday, March 13, 2016
An un-fairytale-like life...
You know how in movies, a man and a woman always meet by chance/ serendipity/ fate/ etc? And their characters are usually worlds apart but somehow it was like they've found their soul mate in each other and despite all the craziness and ups and downs, they still ended up together...although we don't ever get to see what happens during "happily ever after"...and so growing up, you, the ever hopeless romantic, wished and prayed that that's how your love life would play out in real life...but real life has a way of thwarting your plans and wishes...so broken relationships after broken relationships, you grew more jaded and disillusioned...and along the way, you've been told that falling in love is easy and staying in love is hard work...and that falling in love is an involuntary high that would eventually wear off while choosing to love in spite of someone's flaws is the kind of love that would last...
So one day, you decided to not let your heart rule your head anymore and choose to love someone who claimed to love you...someone who have loved you for a long long time...for a while, you seemed to be able to fool your heart and head into believing that this was the right thing to do...but you ended up stuck in a relationship that made you miserable and angry all the time...he didn't just murder the hopeless romantic in you, he buried it so deep that you'd probably never be able to exhume whatever residue was left...and finally after months of contemplation, you decided you wanted out...you've been reduced to a shadow of your former self and you didn't think you could live like that for the rest of your life...
Somewhere along your unhappy relationship, you had a chance meeting with a man under the strangest circumstance...somehow, he left a mark, somewhere in your subconscious mind i suppose...but you didn't think much of it coz after all, yours is a real life yea? And so you trudged along in your real mundane life...and just when you think your life couldn't get any worse, it did...but you're no quitter...so you bulldozed on...and then you asked God why? it's not like you were gonna meet someone new where you were...and then, just like an answer to a prayer you didn't really mean to pray, you had a 2nd chance meeting with that man, again under the most unlikely circumstance (sometimes I wonder at God's sense of humour and irony)...and then he disappeared from your life again...so you moved on...thinking chance meeting are better left as just that...after all, your life was a big furry ball of mess anyway...
And just when your life seemed to be climbing back up from shithole to mundane, the man contacted you...and something started...although you knew he was the kind of man your mom would specifically forbid you to date...and you knew he was not right for you...even your friends warned you...but you told yourself, nay, we're not dating...we're just friends...and your self-esteem was so damaged from your recent relationship that you didn't even think he was in any way remotely interested in you...but it turned out that he was interested in you...and at the beginning, he was so into you...there was a stupid saying that went something like this: marry the person who is willing to drive 5 hours just to see you for 1 hour...and he was doing something like that...and you were so touched by his thoughtfulness...in the beginning your head told you to run for your life...don't get involved with him...and you did try to tell him that you guys shouldn't be starting something that has no future...but somehow he was so persistent...and you fell hook, line and sinker...
But as this is real life, all good things will come to an end...few months down the road, he seemed distracted...you were no longer his priority...and you wondered if you were ever his priority...while in the beginning, there were daily good mornings and good nights (to show that you were the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep), now he would go on for days without sending you messages...he doesn't make the time to drive the distance to see you like how he used to...and when you're back in town, he doesn't pick you up to go out anymore...you asked him if he was getting bored of you, but as with most men who were, he said you were thinking too much...he said he was busy with a lot of things... which only convinced you further that he was not so into you anymore...
Friends told you it's time to move on...but since you're no quitter, you gave him the benefit of doubt...but things only seem to drift further apart for both of you...you were unhappy...you thought, no woman likes to be a back-burner/ time-filler/ non-priority in a man's life...especially a man who was priority to her...and you told him how you felt, and he told you all this was not important...and during your last meeting, when both of you were hanging out with his friends, he danced with the 2 other women in the group, but never once did he ask you to dance...and you wondered, was he trying to stir up jealousy in me? or was that his not-so-subtle hint that he'd rather be dancing with other women than me? anyhow, you were finally convinced that it was time to move on...on your own...for your own sanity's sake and future... sometimes, you just have to be a selfish bitch who puts herself as priority in her own life...and yet, you feel guilty for wanting to end this non-relationship thinking you don't want to hurt his feelings, when he probably won't even miss you when you're gone... and you thought this was probably the ultimate goodbye speech and wondered if you should try it on him...
So it's time to move on in your un-fairytale-like life...you tell yourself, it's better to be miserable out of your own choice than be miserable due to someone else...and you'd rather be alone and happy/ miserable than have someone but still feel miserable...and at this point in life, while most of your friends are living with their happily ever after which revolves around cute little kids, surely you've learned enough lessons in love and in life...here're a few on top of my head:
1. Not everyone whom you meet by chance/ fate/ serendipity will be the one for you...
2. Sometimes you meet the right guy whom you're crazy about, but at the wrong time and place...and somehow things just don't work out for you...
3. Sometimes in a relationship, love really just ain't enough...
4. You know how we are told to always look for the best in others, they didn't tell you that most times you will still get disappointed by others despite their best intentions...
5. Stop being gullible and don't let ppl take advantage of your kindness
6. Everyone will fail you...only God won't...and you're His utmost priority...
Well, since you're suffering the curse of singlehood (which is probably to wander restlessly alone in the world), it's time to brush up your poor rusty French to prepare for your Paris and Southern France trip...a whiff of the cool Mediterranean breeze will always do good to your soul...
So one day, you decided to not let your heart rule your head anymore and choose to love someone who claimed to love you...someone who have loved you for a long long time...for a while, you seemed to be able to fool your heart and head into believing that this was the right thing to do...but you ended up stuck in a relationship that made you miserable and angry all the time...he didn't just murder the hopeless romantic in you, he buried it so deep that you'd probably never be able to exhume whatever residue was left...and finally after months of contemplation, you decided you wanted out...you've been reduced to a shadow of your former self and you didn't think you could live like that for the rest of your life...
Somewhere along your unhappy relationship, you had a chance meeting with a man under the strangest circumstance...somehow, he left a mark, somewhere in your subconscious mind i suppose...but you didn't think much of it coz after all, yours is a real life yea? And so you trudged along in your real mundane life...and just when you think your life couldn't get any worse, it did...but you're no quitter...so you bulldozed on...and then you asked God why? it's not like you were gonna meet someone new where you were...and then, just like an answer to a prayer you didn't really mean to pray, you had a 2nd chance meeting with that man, again under the most unlikely circumstance (sometimes I wonder at God's sense of humour and irony)...and then he disappeared from your life again...so you moved on...thinking chance meeting are better left as just that...after all, your life was a big furry ball of mess anyway...
And just when your life seemed to be climbing back up from shithole to mundane, the man contacted you...and something started...although you knew he was the kind of man your mom would specifically forbid you to date...and you knew he was not right for you...even your friends warned you...but you told yourself, nay, we're not dating...we're just friends...and your self-esteem was so damaged from your recent relationship that you didn't even think he was in any way remotely interested in you...but it turned out that he was interested in you...and at the beginning, he was so into you...there was a stupid saying that went something like this: marry the person who is willing to drive 5 hours just to see you for 1 hour...and he was doing something like that...and you were so touched by his thoughtfulness...in the beginning your head told you to run for your life...don't get involved with him...and you did try to tell him that you guys shouldn't be starting something that has no future...but somehow he was so persistent...and you fell hook, line and sinker...
But as this is real life, all good things will come to an end...few months down the road, he seemed distracted...you were no longer his priority...and you wondered if you were ever his priority...while in the beginning, there were daily good mornings and good nights (to show that you were the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep), now he would go on for days without sending you messages...he doesn't make the time to drive the distance to see you like how he used to...and when you're back in town, he doesn't pick you up to go out anymore...you asked him if he was getting bored of you, but as with most men who were, he said you were thinking too much...he said he was busy with a lot of things... which only convinced you further that he was not so into you anymore...
Friends told you it's time to move on...but since you're no quitter, you gave him the benefit of doubt...but things only seem to drift further apart for both of you...you were unhappy...you thought, no woman likes to be a back-burner/ time-filler/ non-priority in a man's life...especially a man who was priority to her...and you told him how you felt, and he told you all this was not important...and during your last meeting, when both of you were hanging out with his friends, he danced with the 2 other women in the group, but never once did he ask you to dance...and you wondered, was he trying to stir up jealousy in me? or was that his not-so-subtle hint that he'd rather be dancing with other women than me? anyhow, you were finally convinced that it was time to move on...on your own...for your own sanity's sake and future... sometimes, you just have to be a selfish bitch who puts herself as priority in her own life...and yet, you feel guilty for wanting to end this non-relationship thinking you don't want to hurt his feelings, when he probably won't even miss you when you're gone... and you thought this was probably the ultimate goodbye speech and wondered if you should try it on him...
So it's time to move on in your un-fairytale-like life...you tell yourself, it's better to be miserable out of your own choice than be miserable due to someone else...and you'd rather be alone and happy/ miserable than have someone but still feel miserable...and at this point in life, while most of your friends are living with their happily ever after which revolves around cute little kids, surely you've learned enough lessons in love and in life...here're a few on top of my head:
1. Not everyone whom you meet by chance/ fate/ serendipity will be the one for you...
2. Sometimes you meet the right guy whom you're crazy about, but at the wrong time and place...and somehow things just don't work out for you...
3. Sometimes in a relationship, love really just ain't enough...
4. You know how we are told to always look for the best in others, they didn't tell you that most times you will still get disappointed by others despite their best intentions...
5. Stop being gullible and don't let ppl take advantage of your kindness
6. Everyone will fail you...only God won't...and you're His utmost priority...
Well, since you're suffering the curse of singlehood (which is probably to wander restlessly alone in the world), it's time to brush up your poor rusty French to prepare for your Paris and Southern France trip...a whiff of the cool Mediterranean breeze will always do good to your soul...
Saturday, February 27, 2016
New place, new beginning...
So it's been almost 2 months since I relocated to Malacca from KB...started my gazettement in Hospital Malacca just after the New Year...which seemed like a great start to a new year...close one chapter and start a new chapter...and the story continues...I suppose this is a good place to start afresh...in a city where I'm a stranger to...where nobody knows me and my past...where everything is new and full of exciting possibilities...
Work life has been great so far...although not without drama that makes Grey's Anatomy dull in comparison...ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit...but drama is drama...don't get me wrong...my boss is great...and she's very supportive and helpful and teaches me a lot while giving me lots of room to learn on my own...and my MOs are great...so are most of the staffs...it's just the situations that occur during our day to day work that are dramatic...in a way, it is more preferable than office politics and human drama...
So now that I've got the career that I've always wanted...it should be time for wedding bells and kids right? hmmm, but I think I have the bad habit of sabotaging my own love life... in as much as I want to start a family, I think deep down in my subconscious mind, I'm a commitment-phobe...so I kept dating men who are wrong for me...even when I know that from the start...even when close friends tell me what I already know...I still jump into it with eyes wide open...or was it blind faith? maybe so that few years or months down the road, I can use the "we're wrong for each other" reason to get me out of it before things get too far? and maybe deep inside, I'm a boyfriend-stealing bitch...since I've managed to get myself involved with men who were already in a relationship with another woman...although not in a thousand lives could I imagine how I could have managed to do that... I'm not proud of that...it makes me mad at myself...and mad at those two-timing bastards...but who am I to throw any stone huh?
So they say that I should not let my past define my future...or something like that...and my past mistakes does not mean the end of my world and I should take them as lessons learnt...or something to that effect...and an idea came to me one of those sleepless nights... that I should celebrate my birthday in a new city/ country every year from now on...and so, I shall be keeping myself busy planning for my birthday trip this May...and perchance, a miracle happens and I do meet a man whom I will be crazy enough about to want to marry and vice versa...and an even bigger miracle of that happening before all my ova expires...who says I can't still be celebrating my birthday in a new city/country each year? I'll have someone to share half the cost of travelling...how wonderful is that huh?
Work life has been great so far...although not without drama that makes Grey's Anatomy dull in comparison...ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit...but drama is drama...don't get me wrong...my boss is great...and she's very supportive and helpful and teaches me a lot while giving me lots of room to learn on my own...and my MOs are great...so are most of the staffs...it's just the situations that occur during our day to day work that are dramatic...in a way, it is more preferable than office politics and human drama...
So now that I've got the career that I've always wanted...it should be time for wedding bells and kids right? hmmm, but I think I have the bad habit of sabotaging my own love life... in as much as I want to start a family, I think deep down in my subconscious mind, I'm a commitment-phobe...so I kept dating men who are wrong for me...even when I know that from the start...even when close friends tell me what I already know...I still jump into it with eyes wide open...or was it blind faith? maybe so that few years or months down the road, I can use the "we're wrong for each other" reason to get me out of it before things get too far? and maybe deep inside, I'm a boyfriend-stealing bitch...since I've managed to get myself involved with men who were already in a relationship with another woman...although not in a thousand lives could I imagine how I could have managed to do that... I'm not proud of that...it makes me mad at myself...and mad at those two-timing bastards...but who am I to throw any stone huh?
So they say that I should not let my past define my future...or something like that...and my past mistakes does not mean the end of my world and I should take them as lessons learnt...or something to that effect...and an idea came to me one of those sleepless nights... that I should celebrate my birthday in a new city/ country every year from now on...and so, I shall be keeping myself busy planning for my birthday trip this May...and perchance, a miracle happens and I do meet a man whom I will be crazy enough about to want to marry and vice versa...and an even bigger miracle of that happening before all my ova expires...who says I can't still be celebrating my birthday in a new city/country each year? I'll have someone to share half the cost of travelling...how wonderful is that huh?
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