You probably have gone over the edge when....

You probably have gone over the edge when...

1. you start regressing into your childhood and play an improved version of 'let's play dress up' on FB...yup, i've recently started playing Cocogirl on FB...yes, i used to be quite tomboyish...but if there was one (girly) thing i loved when growing up (besides going for ballet lessons) was dressing up my barbie...

2. you don't give a damn about your exam anymore when it's less than 2 weeks to your exam...especially when you used to be someone who'd cry a river if you get anything less than an A...in fact, you now wish you'd fail your exam so you have a valid reason to call it quits...

3. you think that indulging in no. 1 would be a good career move than the living hell you have to go through daily...yes, at this very moment, i wish i could just walk away from this hell i'm in and move on with my life...

Sigh...it's been almost a month since i last type a post...or has it been more? i don't know...when in hell, one loses track of time...i don't revel in bitching...and i hate the idea that more often than not, when i'm typing a post, i'm bitching about my life...it's just not healthy...i wish that i could type happy/inspiring/touching/optimistic post...instead of lamenting about how i work like a dog on a daily basis, indefinitely...some would call me ungrateful...and maybe i am...but i really thank God everyday for His daily miracles for getting me through each day of living hell...without Him, it would have been much worse...but i'm only human...a self-centred, self-preserving, selfish creature...who wants a good life, who doesn't want to suffer so much, who longs for a family of her own...but my work life is such a black comedy that ppl laugh at my predicament and console themselves saying, "thank God my life isn't as bad as hers"...and the most common word used to console me and my colleagues is 'pity'....i'm sure they meant 'pathetic' but i guess most ppl still have manners...

I don't know how long more i have to live...but somehow wasting my next 3 years in this living nightmare doesn't seem worth it...Oh Lord, please, i know my suffering is nowhere close to what Jesus had to suffer (and i did bring this upon myself)...but i don't know how much longer i can go through this...if You're willing, please give me a way out...if it's Your will that i have to go through this living hell, then please make it more bearable...thank You, Lord...Amen...