I'm not sure if it's a combination of exhaustion and days of sleep debt, but free flap frenzy always leave me at a low when it's finally over...We've practically been living in the OT since Sunday till Wednesday for flap OT after flap OT...I was a bit luckier as I went back earlier on Sunday as I was pre-call and on Tuesday as I was post-call...but we were up whole night on Monday and I only got home past midnight on Wednesday...by Thursday we were all ready to just go into hibernation...I think the late nights were getting to the bosses as well and us seniors were bearing the brunt...Yea, I know, it's part of the learning process to be hammered for everything you didn't do right in the bosses' eyes...but when tension is high and your nerves are frazzled and frayed, all those hammering can leave you feeling less than appreciative (or appreciated)...
And so Thursday finally came...and I was overjoyed and felt really grateful that this crazy week has come to an end...and yet there I was, feeling low and depressed as well...I wished I had somebody to talk to and unload the burden that's weighing me down...then I realized that I didn't have that somebody...no one whom I can run to for words of comfort...who'd just listen to my complaints with empathy and understanding...who'd remind me he'll always be there for me no matter how much turmoil and ugliness I feel within me...and that realization plunged me further into my depth of despair....coz it's really sad when you seem to be not alone but deep down you actually feel alone...
But I really shouldn't be complaining...I may not have a physical person whom I can confide in...but I have the God of the heavens and earth who knows my anguish and despair...and He will lift my soul and help me rise again... I think I shall go repay my sleep debt now...
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