It's been a while since the last time i put up a post here...i thought that i might not need this blog anymore...but i guess there are times you just need to have your own space to vent out all your frustrations and despairs...i don't know if you've gone through it...but have you ever felt that you're so low in your life that you wish everything could just end? well, been having many of those days lately...today's probably the worst...
You'd think that after passing exam and being in 2nd year, things would get better yea? maybe it did...so then why am i still in despair? why can't i see the light at the end of the tunnel? why do i feel like i just can't go on anymore? i just feel so defeated...like there's no more meaning in the things i do...you know what i think is a good idea now? to go to sleep now and to wake up in my Lord's arms...best place to be, ever...no more suffering...no more despair...no more seeing all the brokenness of this broken world...
But then my Lord will ask me, what have you done for Me while you were in the world? and all i can answer is this: nothing...NOTHING! what a wretched being i am...what can i do? when i just don't feel like doing anything anymore? i don't even dream dreams anymore...what's the point of dreaming wonderful dreams when you have to wake up to cold harsh reality?
I'm listening to Corrinne May's 'Crooked Lines' now...and i just keep crying listening to the lyrics...i need You, Lord...like never before...only You can write straight with crooked lines...
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
I know, it's exam time, I shouldn't be blogging...
YAY! First paper done...2 more left...and i'm so not in the studying mood now...I know, i know, it's exam time...and i shouldn't be blogging...but i'm just feeling so restless like a child afflicted with ADHD that i need to spend out all those restless energy...anyway, our essay paper started late this morning...well, only 10 minutes late but to think that we were the cause of that...no, i wasn't late (pretty sure i wasn't big shot enough to cause the delay)...neither were my 2 colleagues...but while the other departments' candidates were busy filling up the answer sheets with their index numbers and all, we were left (almost in a panicked state) wondering if our bosses were ever gonna show up with our question papers...really, we felt like the pride of the country...so significant were we that our own bosses forgot that we were having exam today...ain't life quaint?
Well, at least the questions were bearable...coz the tips from the other departments were quite accurate so we kinda prepared for them already...unfortunately, i think i screwed up the department and anatomy questions...oh well, previously i would be so devastated...but now, i'm just so relieved the paper's done that i feel so unburdened...like the string of the millstone tied around my neck has been severed...and i can swim back up to the surface and don't need to drown anymore...maybe that's why i have all this restless energy buzzing in me...
So after exam, we went for lunch at kilang papan...and then i started my adventurous journey...yes, mission of the day was to pay my summon at the Pengkalan Chepa police station...like, i have no idea where it was...but last week i stopped by at the nearby police station to ask if i could pay my summon there but they directed me to this particular one and gave me directions...which i have forgotten...thanks to my inability to retain information and convert them to long term memory...but after a few wrong turns, i managed to find the bloody station....i actually pass it by quite often everytime we're on our way to the airport...they should have just told me it was on the way to the airport...would have saved me those few wrong turns...and my car battery has been showing signs of dying...checked the water level and refilled already...maybe it's just time for it to say goodbye...anyway, paid the bloody summon...good thing the lady at the counter charged me rm50 only...coz the idiot who issued the summon didn't write the amount i was suppposed to pay...imagine if i didn't bring enough money...buat malu...not to mention a whole journey wasted...
Tried studying after getting back to my room but i just couldn't concentrate...was dressing up my Cocogirl instead...but quests done...and still restless...now post also almost done...hopefully will feel more settled and able to study now...come on Kat, 2 more days...and then all you have to worry about is your unending EOD calls...(joy)...and then your Pattaya holidays...yippee!!! and Lord, please, do not let me get into the pending viva...if i passed, then let me pass with dignity...if i failed, i want to fail with dignity too...that's all I ask of You...thank You, Lord...Amen...
Sunday, April 22, 2012
You probably have gone over the edge when....
You probably have gone over the edge when...
1. you start regressing into your childhood and play an improved version of 'let's play dress up' on FB...yup, i've recently started playing Cocogirl on FB...yes, i used to be quite tomboyish...but if there was one (girly) thing i loved when growing up (besides going for ballet lessons) was dressing up my barbie...
2. you don't give a damn about your exam anymore when it's less than 2 weeks to your exam...especially when you used to be someone who'd cry a river if you get anything less than an A...in fact, you now wish you'd fail your exam so you have a valid reason to call it quits...
3. you think that indulging in no. 1 would be a good career move than the living hell you have to go through daily...yes, at this very moment, i wish i could just walk away from this hell i'm in and move on with my life...
Sigh...it's been almost a month since i last type a post...or has it been more? i don't know...when in hell, one loses track of time...i don't revel in bitching...and i hate the idea that more often than not, when i'm typing a post, i'm bitching about my life...it's just not healthy...i wish that i could type happy/inspiring/touching/optimistic post...instead of lamenting about how i work like a dog on a daily basis, indefinitely...some would call me ungrateful...and maybe i am...but i really thank God everyday for His daily miracles for getting me through each day of living hell...without Him, it would have been much worse...but i'm only human...a self-centred, self-preserving, selfish creature...who wants a good life, who doesn't want to suffer so much, who longs for a family of her own...but my work life is such a black comedy that ppl laugh at my predicament and console themselves saying, "thank God my life isn't as bad as hers"...and the most common word used to console me and my colleagues is 'pity'....i'm sure they meant 'pathetic' but i guess most ppl still have manners...
I don't know how long more i have to live...but somehow wasting my next 3 years in this living nightmare doesn't seem worth it...Oh Lord, please, i know my suffering is nowhere close to what Jesus had to suffer (and i did bring this upon myself)...but i don't know how much longer i can go through this...if You're willing, please give me a way out...if it's Your will that i have to go through this living hell, then please make it more bearable...thank You, Lord...Amen...
1. you start regressing into your childhood and play an improved version of 'let's play dress up' on FB...yup, i've recently started playing Cocogirl on FB...yes, i used to be quite tomboyish...but if there was one (girly) thing i loved when growing up (besides going for ballet lessons) was dressing up my barbie...
2. you don't give a damn about your exam anymore when it's less than 2 weeks to your exam...especially when you used to be someone who'd cry a river if you get anything less than an A...in fact, you now wish you'd fail your exam so you have a valid reason to call it quits...
3. you think that indulging in no. 1 would be a good career move than the living hell you have to go through daily...yes, at this very moment, i wish i could just walk away from this hell i'm in and move on with my life...
Sigh...it's been almost a month since i last type a post...or has it been more? i don't know...when in hell, one loses track of time...i don't revel in bitching...and i hate the idea that more often than not, when i'm typing a post, i'm bitching about my life...it's just not healthy...i wish that i could type happy/inspiring/touching/optimistic post...instead of lamenting about how i work like a dog on a daily basis, indefinitely...some would call me ungrateful...and maybe i am...but i really thank God everyday for His daily miracles for getting me through each day of living hell...without Him, it would have been much worse...but i'm only human...a self-centred, self-preserving, selfish creature...who wants a good life, who doesn't want to suffer so much, who longs for a family of her own...but my work life is such a black comedy that ppl laugh at my predicament and console themselves saying, "thank God my life isn't as bad as hers"...and the most common word used to console me and my colleagues is 'pity'....i'm sure they meant 'pathetic' but i guess most ppl still have manners...
I don't know how long more i have to live...but somehow wasting my next 3 years in this living nightmare doesn't seem worth it...Oh Lord, please, i know my suffering is nowhere close to what Jesus had to suffer (and i did bring this upon myself)...but i don't know how much longer i can go through this...if You're willing, please give me a way out...if it's Your will that i have to go through this living hell, then please make it more bearable...thank You, Lord...Amen...
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Drunk before lunch..House-hunting in KL....
So i've been house-hunting for condos/apartments in KL (around sentul area) the past 2 months...planning to buy a place near HKL so that it'll be more convenient to get to work when i'm back in KL for the next 2 years...so far i've seen the Orchid Condo...and my family checked out The Tamarind for me...they loved the place...i found the parquet floor slightly disturbing (does not fit my idea of a luxury condo, hehe)...don't get me wrong, i'm not looking for a luxury condo...that place is way beyond my budget anyway...but the slum that i live in has parquet floor...see what i mean?
So yesterday, since my aunt came over and i was free, so we decided to contact some real estate agents to view some condos that i liked...could have had started our house-hunting earlier, had i not been drinking the passionfruit cognac-vodka which my bro introduced to me...i drank half a glass of those poison and gee, i was drunk before lunch...took me about 2 hours to get my head cleared so that i could drive properly...
One of the agent called me back and we scheduled to view Viva Residency at 430pm...went to Sri Petaling for late lunch and picked Pei up...so we found our way to Jalan Ipoh...saw the units...i quite liked the concept...loved the wide main doors...but the price was over the budget...then the agent took us to see some other condos which i didn't plan to see coz he had to rush off to meet other clients...so we tagged along...
He took us to some place near Gombak, Alam Puri condo...real nice and classy...loved the all white concept...but hated the doors...it's quite discriminating to plus-size ppl...it's as if the door is saying: no entry for ppl > 100kg...but the facilities were quite nice...then we went to view 1sentul...it's a new place...also had an all-white concept...the units are comfortably spaced..and the shower heads are those rain-shower type (totally like)...loved the lap pool...it has sundecks at the pool...and the gym is well-equipped...it has a mini-theater/karaoke room...and the icing on the cake...the sky terrace...lovely view of KL...nice place to have an evening drink while watching the sunset...too bad, can't afford...plus, i may never have the time for an evening drink anyway...
There were a mother and son who were viewing 1sentul as well...they looked like well-off folks...so i was teasing Pei that she should have gotten to know the guy (seems a few years older than her)...coz his mom was getting the condo for him...that's one less headache for Pei if she ends up with that guy, hahahahaha....
Anyway, finally we could go and view Rivercity, which was the one that i kinda have an eye on...coz the unit is spacious...and the price is affordable...and it's just 10-15 mins from HKL...the first thing that greeted my eyes as we drove up the entrance was a couple of skimpily-clad girls walking out from the condo...Pei and i looked at each other and, oh the call girls live here...saw another couple of them as we went into the condo...and the agent told us that yea, some of the units are rented out to call girls...not surprising since there's a huge night club just outside the condo...
Anyhow, saw the unit that i was interested in...the design's a bit strange coz at the entrance, there're 2 doors...one leading to the living hall...another to the kitchen...which i find quite amusing...i liked the interior...and the master bedroom's bathroom...has a bathtub...plus 100 points :)...the lap pool's quite well-maintained...they also have a gym...the agent said there shouldn't be problem looking for tenants when i want to rent it out...sounds good huh?
well, bro said i should wait till after june coz the market price might come down...and i also need to see if i passed my exam or not...anyway, it was a fun house-hunting session...would have been a whole lot more fun if my state of finance isn't a limiting factor of choice...
So yesterday, since my aunt came over and i was free, so we decided to contact some real estate agents to view some condos that i liked...could have had started our house-hunting earlier, had i not been drinking the passionfruit cognac-vodka which my bro introduced to me...i drank half a glass of those poison and gee, i was drunk before lunch...took me about 2 hours to get my head cleared so that i could drive properly...
One of the agent called me back and we scheduled to view Viva Residency at 430pm...went to Sri Petaling for late lunch and picked Pei up...so we found our way to Jalan Ipoh...saw the units...i quite liked the concept...loved the wide main doors...but the price was over the budget...then the agent took us to see some other condos which i didn't plan to see coz he had to rush off to meet other clients...so we tagged along...
He took us to some place near Gombak, Alam Puri condo...real nice and classy...loved the all white concept...but hated the doors...it's quite discriminating to plus-size ppl...it's as if the door is saying: no entry for ppl > 100kg...but the facilities were quite nice...then we went to view 1sentul...it's a new place...also had an all-white concept...the units are comfortably spaced..and the shower heads are those rain-shower type (totally like)...loved the lap pool...it has sundecks at the pool...and the gym is well-equipped...it has a mini-theater/karaoke room...and the icing on the cake...the sky terrace...lovely view of KL...nice place to have an evening drink while watching the sunset...too bad, can't afford...plus, i may never have the time for an evening drink anyway...
There were a mother and son who were viewing 1sentul as well...they looked like well-off folks...so i was teasing Pei that she should have gotten to know the guy (seems a few years older than her)...coz his mom was getting the condo for him...that's one less headache for Pei if she ends up with that guy, hahahahaha....
Anyway, finally we could go and view Rivercity, which was the one that i kinda have an eye on...coz the unit is spacious...and the price is affordable...and it's just 10-15 mins from HKL...the first thing that greeted my eyes as we drove up the entrance was a couple of skimpily-clad girls walking out from the condo...Pei and i looked at each other and, oh the call girls live here...saw another couple of them as we went into the condo...and the agent told us that yea, some of the units are rented out to call girls...not surprising since there's a huge night club just outside the condo...
Anyhow, saw the unit that i was interested in...the design's a bit strange coz at the entrance, there're 2 doors...one leading to the living hall...another to the kitchen...which i find quite amusing...i liked the interior...and the master bedroom's bathroom...has a bathtub...plus 100 points :)...the lap pool's quite well-maintained...they also have a gym...the agent said there shouldn't be problem looking for tenants when i want to rent it out...sounds good huh?
well, bro said i should wait till after june coz the market price might come down...and i also need to see if i passed my exam or not...anyway, it was a fun house-hunting session...would have been a whole lot more fun if my state of finance isn't a limiting factor of choice...
Friday, March 23, 2012
Back for Cam's ROM...and Elaine the paediatrician...
So this is my 2nd time back in KL this month...this was quite an impromptu trip back home actually...got a msg from Cam about 2 weeks back telling me her ROM would be on 26/3....best news i've heard so far this year...so happy for her...she's getting married!! so among us '3 sekawan' i.e. Jess, Cam and i, i'd be the only single girl in the group after 26/3...guess we've had always knew that i would be last among us to be married, if at all, hehe...
Just landed in KL this evening...Pei came to pick me up from KL Sentral and we went to Mid Valley for dinner...had japanese food at Sushi Tei...coz Sushi Zanmai had a ridiculously long queue...then we went to MPH to look for 'Fifty Shades of Grey'...didn't find it there...then we went to Borders and they didn't have it there as well...crap...
So went back...while in the car, suddenly received a msg from Elaine...saying she passed her exam...2 good news in a month (March isn't going to be a bad month after all)...so now she has officially joined the world of paediatricians...so proud of her!! and i told Pei, my friend's a paediatrician now...and i'm still a loser...sigh...oh well, at least i can share my friend's joy and success and be happy for them...
Just landed in KL this evening...Pei came to pick me up from KL Sentral and we went to Mid Valley for dinner...had japanese food at Sushi Tei...coz Sushi Zanmai had a ridiculously long queue...then we went to MPH to look for 'Fifty Shades of Grey'...didn't find it there...then we went to Borders and they didn't have it there as well...crap...
So went back...while in the car, suddenly received a msg from Elaine...saying she passed her exam...2 good news in a month (March isn't going to be a bad month after all)...so now she has officially joined the world of paediatricians...so proud of her!! and i told Pei, my friend's a paediatrician now...and i'm still a loser...sigh...oh well, at least i can share my friend's joy and success and be happy for them...
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Defying Gravity...
Thursday was a mixture of drama and miracle...some idiot decided to create Everests out of anthills...and i was the unwitting scapegoat...suddenly i just felt like i've had enough of all this stupidity...all this politics and hypocrisy...can't help thinking that i should stir up trouble so that i have an excuse to quit...
And i woke up on Friday morning from a dream...which normally would have sent shivers down my spine and caused me to wake up screaming, crying and soaked in sweat...i dreamt that i failed my exam...instead i actually felt relieved and happy...i felt that it was a good sign...if i failed my exam then i have a good reason to quit...yea, screw it!! i'm outta here...
And then i opened my FB and saw a friend's link with one of the song from WICKED: the musical...it's the song by Elphaba, "Defying Gravity"...when she started to fly...and i could relate to Elphie...how she was such a nice and loving person but was used by the establishment and when she rebelled, they outcast her and labelled her 'wicked'....when i first watched the musical and heard Rachel Tucker sang this song at Apollo Victoria Theatre, tears were flowing down from my eyes...it was so touching and inspiring....
And i listened to it again...this time, the rock version by Kerry Ellis...thought it was great for dancing...the energy and spirit were so inspiring...and i checked out the lyrics...the song lyrics and the lyrics from the musical are slightly different...but both versions still made my spirit want to break free...anyway, sharing the Kerry Ellis rock version here (though i think Rachel Tucker is a better Elphaba):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-cMh4QjYA&feature=fvst
And here are the lyrics:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap
It's time to try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't bring me down
Mmm-mmm
I'm through accepting limits
Cos someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at
Much too high a cost
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down
Unlimited
My future is unlimited
And I just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know
It sounds truly crazy
And, true, the vision's hazy
But I can see it
I can feel it
I swear I'll be so high
yeah yeah
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me
ah yeah
It's time to try defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me
You won't bring me down
Here's to standing up for your rights/faith/beliefs/convictions!!! time to break free and defy gravity!!!
And i woke up on Friday morning from a dream...which normally would have sent shivers down my spine and caused me to wake up screaming, crying and soaked in sweat...i dreamt that i failed my exam...instead i actually felt relieved and happy...i felt that it was a good sign...if i failed my exam then i have a good reason to quit...yea, screw it!! i'm outta here...
And then i opened my FB and saw a friend's link with one of the song from WICKED: the musical...it's the song by Elphaba, "Defying Gravity"...when she started to fly...and i could relate to Elphie...how she was such a nice and loving person but was used by the establishment and when she rebelled, they outcast her and labelled her 'wicked'....when i first watched the musical and heard Rachel Tucker sang this song at Apollo Victoria Theatre, tears were flowing down from my eyes...it was so touching and inspiring....
And i listened to it again...this time, the rock version by Kerry Ellis...thought it was great for dancing...the energy and spirit were so inspiring...and i checked out the lyrics...the song lyrics and the lyrics from the musical are slightly different...but both versions still made my spirit want to break free...anyway, sharing the Kerry Ellis rock version here (though i think Rachel Tucker is a better Elphaba):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-cMh4QjYA&feature=fvst
And here are the lyrics:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap
It's time to try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't bring me down
Mmm-mmm
I'm through accepting limits
Cos someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at
Much too high a cost
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down
Unlimited
My future is unlimited
And I just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know
It sounds truly crazy
And, true, the vision's hazy
But I can see it
I can feel it
I swear I'll be so high
yeah yeah
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me
ah yeah
It's time to try defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me
You won't bring me down
Here's to standing up for your rights/faith/beliefs/convictions!!! time to break free and defy gravity!!!
Friday, March 2, 2012
In KL on the day of LeeHom's concert but....
I officially have a 'hate' feeling for my masters programme now...and don't anybody come telling me that i need to sacrifice a lot for my masters programme now so that i'd have a better future...first up, i don't even know if i'd live long enough to have a better future at the rate things are going...and God knows i'm sacrificing enough of my life for this stupid programme...why? you ask...
1. if it's not for masters, i wouldn't have to be in KL on the day of LeeHom's concert but yet can't stay to watch his concert...don't get me wrong, i was ready to sacrifice and not go for LeeHom's concert tomorrow...i knew i had to be on call one of the days this weekend...but then i was forced to go to KL for a day just to bloody present an 8-minute presentation and have to rush back to be on call the next day...it's just plain cruelty....urgh!!!!
2. if it's not for masters, i won't have to give up my travelling hobby...i can't bloody plan a holiday now coz my life is so bloody uncertain...my Greek September is currently on hold indefinitely...i don't mind if i have to give up my travelling hobby for my family (but look at no. 3)...
3. if it's not for masters, i wouldn't have to be a high risk primigravida at 36...assuming that i do bloody graduate at 34, managed to get myself married by then and still have about 2 years of honeymoon period with my hubby...i know a lot of ppl get married and have kids during their masters...but i'm not 'a lot of ppl'...i can't do it...for me, it's one or the other...i don't want to give divided attention to my children...
And exactly since when is 'sacrificing your life' a criteria to fulfill when doing your masters programme? who bloody made that a criterium? is life as it is not hard enough for us?
Ok, i just needed to get the rage out of my system...i know i really shouldn't complain too much...after all, my life has taken on a new beginning with the start of the new year...yup, i'm officially in a relationship now...yes, with a man...i may be bi-curious, but i don't think i've developed gay tendencies...i love my man...and he's totally head over heels in love with me...and i really do thank God that despite the circumstances i'm in, He has brought love into my life...
The only thing is this, my man is working so far away now...and we'll probably only get to see each other on a 3 monthly interval...and come next year (assuming we're still together), i don't know exactly when would be the date of our anniversary...hehe...oh, to be in love and not to be close to your beloved...such agony!! and the longing to be in your beloved's arms once more...bittersweet....Lord, please let him come home soon....
1. if it's not for masters, i wouldn't have to be in KL on the day of LeeHom's concert but yet can't stay to watch his concert...don't get me wrong, i was ready to sacrifice and not go for LeeHom's concert tomorrow...i knew i had to be on call one of the days this weekend...but then i was forced to go to KL for a day just to bloody present an 8-minute presentation and have to rush back to be on call the next day...it's just plain cruelty....urgh!!!!
2. if it's not for masters, i won't have to give up my travelling hobby...i can't bloody plan a holiday now coz my life is so bloody uncertain...my Greek September is currently on hold indefinitely...i don't mind if i have to give up my travelling hobby for my family (but look at no. 3)...
3. if it's not for masters, i wouldn't have to be a high risk primigravida at 36...assuming that i do bloody graduate at 34, managed to get myself married by then and still have about 2 years of honeymoon period with my hubby...i know a lot of ppl get married and have kids during their masters...but i'm not 'a lot of ppl'...i can't do it...for me, it's one or the other...i don't want to give divided attention to my children...
And exactly since when is 'sacrificing your life' a criteria to fulfill when doing your masters programme? who bloody made that a criterium? is life as it is not hard enough for us?
Ok, i just needed to get the rage out of my system...i know i really shouldn't complain too much...after all, my life has taken on a new beginning with the start of the new year...yup, i'm officially in a relationship now...yes, with a man...i may be bi-curious, but i don't think i've developed gay tendencies...i love my man...and he's totally head over heels in love with me...and i really do thank God that despite the circumstances i'm in, He has brought love into my life...
The only thing is this, my man is working so far away now...and we'll probably only get to see each other on a 3 monthly interval...and come next year (assuming we're still together), i don't know exactly when would be the date of our anniversary...hehe...oh, to be in love and not to be close to your beloved...such agony!! and the longing to be in your beloved's arms once more...bittersweet....Lord, please let him come home soon....
Monday, February 20, 2012
Missing you...
I woke up this morning, well aware that my beloved is halfway across the world from where i am...suddenly the song 'Leaving on a Jetplane' was playing in my head...did some lyrical adjustment to the song to fit my mood of the day...dedicated to the one who's faraway (but hopefully not the one who got away)...missing you...
All his bags are packed, he's ready to go
Wish he's standing here outside my door
Wish he would wake me up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
The plane is waiting, it's taking off
Already i'm so lonesome, i could cry
So kiss me, i'll smile for you
Know that i will wait for you
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cos he's leaving on a jetplane
Don't know when he'll be back again
Oh babe, i hate to let you go.....
There're more to the lyrics...but i think i won't go to the part about the wedding ring...yet...hehe...ok, back to studying...
All his bags are packed, he's ready to go
Wish he's standing here outside my door
Wish he would wake me up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
The plane is waiting, it's taking off
Already i'm so lonesome, i could cry
So kiss me, i'll smile for you
Know that i will wait for you
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cos he's leaving on a jetplane
Don't know when he'll be back again
Oh babe, i hate to let you go.....
There're more to the lyrics...but i think i won't go to the part about the wedding ring...yet...hehe...ok, back to studying...
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Love my new camera!!!
So today was the first day of the dragon year...slept quite late (or early in the morning) coz was on the phone...but managed to drag myself up at 930am...we were supposed to go visit Pa before we met up with the others for buffet brunch/lunch at Westin...unfortunately, the cemetery/urn pagoda place was closed for CNY...not sure if that's actually ethical but well, it's not like we have a lot of experience with such things...
Anyway, went to Bukit Bintang...so glad there was no jam...so i was busy exploring my new camera while waiting for the others to arrive...Bro, Pei and i had quite some fun 'camwhoring'...and i discovered an amazing feature in the camera...it's called 'soft skin effect'...with this effect, it's goodbye photoshop...not that i ever photoshop my photos...but now there's even less need for it...and i still can look good in my photos...:) i love my new camera!!!
After a long buffet lunch, we went back to 2nd uncle's place...managed to watch a few movies...well, haven't been watching a lot of movies...so it was a good time to catch up with movies...had fun watching Smurfs...yes, finally...and then continued with Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallow part 1...can't remember a lot of things coz it has been a long time since i read the book...luckily we had Pei the cross reference to explain the scenes to us...then we watched this silly slapstick comedy called Mr Bones...quite mindless but sometimes it's good to watch movies that don't require too much analytical thinking...
Guess it's gonna be a quiet new year...somehow even the reunion dinner last night was more sombre than previous years...i guess we all missed Pa's presence...well, Happy Dragon New Year....
Anyway, went to Bukit Bintang...so glad there was no jam...so i was busy exploring my new camera while waiting for the others to arrive...Bro, Pei and i had quite some fun 'camwhoring'...and i discovered an amazing feature in the camera...it's called 'soft skin effect'...with this effect, it's goodbye photoshop...not that i ever photoshop my photos...but now there's even less need for it...and i still can look good in my photos...:) i love my new camera!!!
After a long buffet lunch, we went back to 2nd uncle's place...managed to watch a few movies...well, haven't been watching a lot of movies...so it was a good time to catch up with movies...had fun watching Smurfs...yes, finally...and then continued with Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallow part 1...can't remember a lot of things coz it has been a long time since i read the book...luckily we had Pei the cross reference to explain the scenes to us...then we watched this silly slapstick comedy called Mr Bones...quite mindless but sometimes it's good to watch movies that don't require too much analytical thinking...
Guess it's gonna be a quiet new year...somehow even the reunion dinner last night was more sombre than previous years...i guess we all missed Pa's presence...well, Happy Dragon New Year....
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Back home for Chinese New Year...
So i got through another week of free flap frenzy...2 free flaps in one week...which was quite bearable since we've had 4 free flaps in a week previously...got off work a bit earlier on Thursday evening coz my train back to KL was at 7pm...showered, last minute packing and then found out my phone got cut (cos apparently our account has reached its credit limit)...good thing Karen came on time to pick me up...but there was this stupid jam on the way to the train station...so i fretted...coz i ain't gonna miss the train...i was getting the hell out of KB that night no matter what...thank God we made it in time...and the train was delayed anyway...
Boarded the train about 720pm...ate my dinner....and slept at 8pm plus...only got up to answer nature's calls...although i kept getting awakened whenever the train stopped...but still, at least i could sleep...reached KL Sentral about 9am Friday morning...by then my phone was back on...called mom and bro came with her to pick me up...got home to get Pei and we went to Puchong for dim sum...yummy! first porky meal of the new year...char siew pau never tasted so good...and i was craving for lau sa pau just a few days back and i got to eat it...ahhh, God is good...
Went for grocery shopping with mom, bro and Pei in the afternoon...bought some baby stuffs for Colleen's Olivia (need the parent's name for contrast since Ernest's daughter will be named Olivia as well)...went out to yum cha with Cam and Wei Yew at Chatime (Cam's favourite) at Sri Petaling after dinner...it was good to catch up...we stayed till about 1030pm...then i sent Cam home and went home...
Was reading some journal articles for my case report while waiting for Ah Lok to get home and call me...and was listening to this song by Joshua Radin called "The Fear You Won't Fall"...nice and mellow...and melancholic...Ah Lok said that song describes our situation perfectly...anyway, we chatted till about 330am...and i got awakened by a call from the stupid hospital at 930am...urgh!!!! like i thought they should know how to call the on call MO and i'm obviously not on call...idiots!
Been spending the whole day doing my case report...got the introduction and discussion done...hope it's adequate...part of the case report is done as well...just need to add the operative details when i get back to KB...need the patient's folder for that...that shouldn't take too long...need to hand it in soon...before the supervisor comes chasing for it again...sigh, despite the holiday, i still need to prepare my case report, presentations and study...Lord, help me to be discipline and finish my work and study...
Boarded the train about 720pm...ate my dinner....and slept at 8pm plus...only got up to answer nature's calls...although i kept getting awakened whenever the train stopped...but still, at least i could sleep...reached KL Sentral about 9am Friday morning...by then my phone was back on...called mom and bro came with her to pick me up...got home to get Pei and we went to Puchong for dim sum...yummy! first porky meal of the new year...char siew pau never tasted so good...and i was craving for lau sa pau just a few days back and i got to eat it...ahhh, God is good...
Went for grocery shopping with mom, bro and Pei in the afternoon...bought some baby stuffs for Colleen's Olivia (need the parent's name for contrast since Ernest's daughter will be named Olivia as well)...went out to yum cha with Cam and Wei Yew at Chatime (Cam's favourite) at Sri Petaling after dinner...it was good to catch up...we stayed till about 1030pm...then i sent Cam home and went home...
Was reading some journal articles for my case report while waiting for Ah Lok to get home and call me...and was listening to this song by Joshua Radin called "The Fear You Won't Fall"...nice and mellow...and melancholic...Ah Lok said that song describes our situation perfectly...anyway, we chatted till about 330am...and i got awakened by a call from the stupid hospital at 930am...urgh!!!! like i thought they should know how to call the on call MO and i'm obviously not on call...idiots!
Been spending the whole day doing my case report...got the introduction and discussion done...hope it's adequate...part of the case report is done as well...just need to add the operative details when i get back to KB...need the patient's folder for that...that shouldn't take too long...need to hand it in soon...before the supervisor comes chasing for it again...sigh, despite the holiday, i still need to prepare my case report, presentations and study...Lord, help me to be discipline and finish my work and study...
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The 12 days of New Year...
So today is the 12th day of the New Year...which also meant i've already been working 2 weeks in 'hell' again...although the grass is no longer green...and life is no longer as good as the last 3 months, i really thank God that it hasn't been the 'hell' i've been expecting...but then again, the flap frenzy has not started yet...i might be singing a different tune when it does...
Still, after only 2 weeks, i'm already tired...and feeling a little low...must be the lack of sun exposure...but i really praise the Lord that my past few calls have been amazingly good...if not, i'd probably feel worse...yesterday was GA OT day...i thought i wouldn't be able to go to CF coz i expected a long day...but miraculously the last case got cancelled and i managed to go to CF...albeit a bit late...and despite the talk lasting almost 2 hours, i miraculously made it through the whole talk without falling asleep within the 1st half hour...God is so amazing...
I liked what the speaker quoted from CS Lewis...he said: Sin is man telling God, "go away! leave me alone!"...and hell is God's reply to man saying, "have your wish"...i couldn't help nodding in agreement...this concept is quite liberating for me when it comes to the question, why is there hell if God is a loving and compassionate God...He didn't create hell with the intention to torture His children...but we choose hell when we do not choose God's love...because really, without God's love, life is hell...you don't even have to wait till afterlife...and therefore i should not call the place/condition i am in now 'hell' since i know God's love is with me...
Saw a link which a friend put up on FB...it was Jason Mraz's new song called 'I won't give up'...i was intrigued...so i listened to it...and i loved it...i really liked the idea of the song...how this guy won't give up on his hope for 'us' with the girl....in this twisted hopeless romantic mind of mine, i felt like this song sang of the feeling of a certain guy for me...yup, i've got my head too far up in the clouds...getting quite delusional...anyway, here's the link:
Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up
So the new year has started off quite bearable...i guess if you were expecting the worse, anything less than worse is really not bad at all...i just pray that when things do get worse, i would still be holding on to God and trust in Him to help me through tough times...so here's to 2012...have a great one...even if the world ends...
Still, after only 2 weeks, i'm already tired...and feeling a little low...must be the lack of sun exposure...but i really praise the Lord that my past few calls have been amazingly good...if not, i'd probably feel worse...yesterday was GA OT day...i thought i wouldn't be able to go to CF coz i expected a long day...but miraculously the last case got cancelled and i managed to go to CF...albeit a bit late...and despite the talk lasting almost 2 hours, i miraculously made it through the whole talk without falling asleep within the 1st half hour...God is so amazing...
I liked what the speaker quoted from CS Lewis...he said: Sin is man telling God, "go away! leave me alone!"...and hell is God's reply to man saying, "have your wish"...i couldn't help nodding in agreement...this concept is quite liberating for me when it comes to the question, why is there hell if God is a loving and compassionate God...He didn't create hell with the intention to torture His children...but we choose hell when we do not choose God's love...because really, without God's love, life is hell...you don't even have to wait till afterlife...and therefore i should not call the place/condition i am in now 'hell' since i know God's love is with me...
Saw a link which a friend put up on FB...it was Jason Mraz's new song called 'I won't give up'...i was intrigued...so i listened to it...and i loved it...i really liked the idea of the song...how this guy won't give up on his hope for 'us' with the girl....in this twisted hopeless romantic mind of mine, i felt like this song sang of the feeling of a certain guy for me...yup, i've got my head too far up in the clouds...getting quite delusional...anyway, here's the link:
Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up
So the new year has started off quite bearable...i guess if you were expecting the worse, anything less than worse is really not bad at all...i just pray that when things do get worse, i would still be holding on to God and trust in Him to help me through tough times...so here's to 2012...have a great one...even if the world ends...
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