Beaufort visit...

Haven't been writing about work lately...except HO-bitching...but that's not really work...anyway, today i went to Beaufort Hospital for our monthly visit to operate on patients there...went with boss, Yap and 2 HOs...had to wake up earlier this morning coz the car was leaving at 7am...our journey took about 1 1/2 hours...we had 6 hernioplasties, 1 breast lump excision and 1 sebaceous cyst excision waiting for us...

We started our case at about 930am...i didn't dare do a hernioplasty on my own coz i still wasn't too confident with my steps...so i asked Yap to scrub in with me...made him stay with me till i finished suturing the mesh...then he went to start the 2nd case...by the time i started my second hernioplasty, boss already finished seeing the patients in clinic...so he scrubbed in to help me...i still don't know how to identify the hernial sac...i think the HO who was assisting me could probably do better at it...

Anyhow, managed to do 3 hernioplasties...and i did the breast lump excision....the lump was about 4x3 cm...had some problem catching the lump coz it kept breaking off...but somehow managed to get it out in one piece...then did the sebaceous cyst excision under LA...wanted to let the HO do it but boss was complaining that it was almost 5pm and fasting month has started...i did let the HO do the incision...but he went and burst the capsule...and just as i took back the scalpel from him, boss walked in...phew!!! at least he didn't see that i let the HO do it...so no choice, i had to say that i broke the capsule...and he said, as expected..:P

So we managed to finish 5 minutes before 5pm...and the nurse commented that this was the first time our visiting team has ever finished before 5pm...well, glad they were happy about that...so was i...by then my back and neck were aching already...i'm sure the poor HO (who is a lot taller than i am) felt worse...so after that, our car came to pick us up and sent us back to SMC...quite a long day today...but quite fruitful...and tomorrow, i'll be starting a stretch of 3 eods....need to sleep...nights...

累了。。散了。。

还以为说了再见就没事了，原来受到回答也会哭得。。。昨天正天都忽然间哭出来。。尤其是听到失恋歌。。真的没心情工作。。所以今天就没上班了。。很怕在人前忽然哭。。很丢脸。。正天躲在房里。。什么都不想做。。真没用。。重来都没逃避工作。。为了个男人，值得么? 还是一个伤了又伤我的人。。一次不够么? 还有第二次? 够了。。累了。。泪也干了。。明天是新的一天。。虽然心还疼，还要继续活。。 还是要去工作。。主啊，求你让我的心快点愈合。。

A weekend with friends...

So we celebrated Jasmine's birthday on Friday night at Little Italy....and we went to K-box after that...us girls (Alisa, Elaine, Jasmine, Flora, Grace and i) and also Kean Khang...we got quite a big room which unfortunately reeked of cigarrette smoke...still, it didn't stop us from singing our hearts out...or in my case, singing my blues away...

Thank God i didn't have to wake up early on Saturday...coz i only slept at 3am...my colleague covered me during the morning for the health awareness programme thingy...so i had to endure the other half of the afternoon before i could join the girls in Karambunai...drove home straight after the programme ended and packed an overnight bag and headed towards Nexus Karambunai...we booked 2 rooms and Elaine said we actually got a free upgrade...so the rooms were bigger...

Elaine and i went for a swim while the others waited for Darrien to wake up...we swam a bit...and spend most of our time drinking cocktails during happy hour...the frozen margarita and screwdriver that i drank were pretty diluted...so they actually tasted like ice blended lime and orange juice...felt a bit woozy after that though...think i downed them too fast...

Then we went for dinner at Salut...then came back to the hotel room and gossipped...watched Glee on tv too...couldn't really sleep much coz i felt warm the whole night...kept waking up in sweat....got up for buffet breakfast...then went to the beach to sit a while...soaking in the sun and enjoying the ocean view...then it was time to get back to reality...yup...i'm on call today...good thing it's Queen call...

I came home after reviewing a patient in casualty...checked my mail...received a reply which wasn't what i hoped for...but i supposed it was a reply that would be better for everyone...in the long run... still couldn't help but cried...i feel like crawling into bed and cry whole day...or maybe i should just drink myself into a drunken stupor...but damn, i'm on call..so i can do neither...i just can't believe i've gotten myself into the same situation twice this year...i mean, exactly how stupid can a girl get? this really deserves a best-selling novel...but yea well, back to reality...need to go review another patient in the medical ward...

Alisa's in KK...

Alisa's in KK...she came with Anthony and baby Darrien to visit us...it's been quite a while since i saw Alisa...perhaps about a year de...they arrived yesterday night but i was too tired to go pick them up with Jasmine...didn't even see them this morning coz i went to work early...so only got to see them when we went for dinner tonight...had seafood...it's good to have a gathering like this...

Christine brought Christabel who's only 1 day younger than Darrien...how nice...so we were having fun trying to pair the kids up...hahaha...they're barely 9 months...it's so cute watching kids interact... Christabel was so friendly and kept trying to touch Darrien...and Darrien was a bit alarmed and blushed...but after a while Darrien kept staring at Christabel...hahahaha....so adorable...

Tomorrow we'll be having dinner at Little Italy...to celebrate Jasmine's birthday...it's supposed to be a surprise party...hehe...then maybe we'll go for karaoke after dinner...

A reply to a song....

I was on call on Tuesday and i was basically running back and forth between Queen and SMC...during yet another of my drive, the radio was playing Eason Chan's 淘汰 ....which according to NJstar's translation means elimination through selection or competition, die out, fall into disuse, to wash out or to phase out....i didn't know why but i was suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of tears...and i broke down and cried...most likely it has to do with the phase i'm going through now...

Anyway, i was checking out the MV for this song yesterday and i found out that Jay Chou actually wrote this song for Eason Chan...no wonder i was wondering why it didn't really sound like something from Eason Chan...here's a link to the song's MV if you're interested to listen...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmXemtFGwGc...the MV plays out the essence of the song...and i can't help but think of a reply to that song...

This is the original lyrics for 淘汰...

我說了所有的謊　你全都相信
(All the lies i've told, you believed them all)
簡單的我愛你　你卻老不信
(A simple "I love you", yet you stubbornly disbelieve)
你書裡的劇情　我不想上演
(Your book's plot, i don't wish to act in)
因為我喜歡喜劇收尾
(because i like comedy ending)

＃我試過完美放棄　的確很踏實
(I've tried to give up perfection, very realistic)
　醒來了　夢散了　你我都走散了
(Awakened, dreams shattered, you and i have strayed away)
　情歌的詞何必押韻　就算我是Ｋ歌之王
(Why should love song's lyrics rhyme? Even if i'm the karaoke king)
　也不見得把愛情唱得完美
(Not necessarily able to sing romance into prefection)

＊只能說我輸了　也許是你怕了
(Can only say i've lost, maybe you're scared)
　我們的回憶沒有皺摺
(Our memories have no creases)
　你卻用離開燙下句點
(Yet you used goodbye to iron out our ending)
　只能說我認了　你的不安贏得你信任
(Can only say i admit, your restlessness won your confidence)
　我卻得到你安慰的淘汰
(But i am consoled by being eliminated)

This is my reply to the song....

你说了所有的荒 我都能相信
(All the lies you've told, i can believe them all)
但你的我爱你 我却感不触
(But your "I love you", i can't seem to feel)
我书里的剧情 你不需上演
(My book's plot, doesn't need you to act in)
因我不要求童话收尾
(Because i don't demand fairy tale ending)

#我不能完美放弃 的确不踏实
(I can't give up perfection, very unrealistic)
梦醒了 泪干了 你我不再回头
(Awakened from dream, tears have dried, you and i can't start over)
情歌的词必需押韵 虽我不是K歌女王
(It's essential for love song's lyrics to rhyme, although i'm not the karaoke queen)
我会努力把爱情唱得完美
(I will strive to sing romance into perfection)

*不想说你输了 但我真的怕了
(Don't want to say you've lost, but i'm really afraid)
我们的回忆太多皱褶
(Our memories have too many creases)
虽不愿离开烫下句点
(Although i don't want goodbye to iron out our ending)
不想说我认了 你的性格输了我信任
(Don't want to admit, your character have lost my confidence)
你却赢得我安慰的淘汰
(Still you won the consolation of being eliminated)

If you've watched the MV, you will realize that regardless of who is eliminating and who is being eliminated, both of you will end up being exhausted...we can't be running all our lives...

What do men want? part 2...

And your wondering continues....he didn't msg you a whole day...then the next day he sent you a msg late at night and asked, hi how have you been?...so you replied, not too good...so he asked why? what's wrong?...so you told him, you're what's wrong...and he asked again, what do you mean?...but he didn't bother to call...he didn't even bother to tell you why he forgot to msg you a whole day...

He used to call you babe...now it's just hi...and this is only your 3rd date...if this does extrapolate to the rest of your life, can you live like that? oh, he might sweet-talk again, and begs you for another chance to make things right..and he'll always find the right things to say to pacify you...justify his actions..and you'll buy it...but it's just too tiring for you...the emotional uncertainty...a friend told you that he's just in for the chase...once he has obtained the prize, he'll get bored...and you can't help wondering that maybe your friend's advice speaks loud and clear...

And you wonder if you're the only girl who goes through this...of course not...you're sure there are many men out there who play games like that...he has hurt you before...and he begged for you to accept him again...and it took a lot of courage to meet him again...and you thought that he would really cherish his second chance and treat you better...but you thought wrong....you really can't teach old dogs new tricks...they won't stick...he'll just revert back to his old ways and habits...all the 'he'll change becoz of love' mantra...bollocks!!! even in fairy tales, the prince charming never changed becoz of love...what makes you think it would be any better in real life?

You just pray that you won't end up being bitter and too jaded...even if you have to spend the rest of your life without a man by your side while all the people around you seem to be enjoying marital bliss...really, you are happy for them...you just wonder why it doesn't happen for you...perhaps you're being too choosy...don't think so...sigh...maybe you should just forget about this whole looking for a life partner quest (after all you're not even actively searching) and enjoy your single life travelling around the world the way you want it...

What do men want?

Sometimes you really wonder, what exactly do men want? and what are they thinking about when they're not saying anything to you? of course some men honestly aren't thinking at all most of the time...you can't seem to figure out why does he want to see you so much, is willing to go through all the trouble to meet you, only to spend most of his time sleeping...and when both of you are together, he doesn't seem too interested to talk to you...he doesn't really tell you about his day, doesn't really talk about his work, he'd rather watch tv....

And after he has met you, he doesn't call you for a week (or more)...oh sure, he sends you smses...but they're mostly one or two-liners...before, he would call you everyday even though both of you live in different continents...now, you ask him if he wants to chat, and he gives you vague excuses about needing to finish his work...really, if he is so into you, won't he just take 10 mins off his work and call you just to say hi and wish you goodnight? and you stupidly wonder, and cry yourself to sleep...

You don't want to be unreasonable..after all, a man should concentrate on his career...but there really are many discrepancies between how he used to treat you and how he treats you now...you really want to believe that he really means it when he says "i want you"...so why isn't he even acting like he wants you? you're a hopeless romantic, so you hope to make things work...so you will be patient...but you know even you can't wait too long...society isn't kind to aging unmarried career woman...

My advice to you is this...protect your own heart...coz no one else would...believe that someday, God will bring you to the man He meant for you...and that man will love you and want you just as you will love and want him...even if it happens when you're 60...