Start-Up

      Merry Christmas and Happy Boxing Day!  It has been a quiet Christmas this year with the MCO and all... Didn't go to a church service physically but attended it virtually... Did some Christmas Eve shopping since I hadn't done any shopping since before CNY this year... Grocery shopping notwithstanding... A friend warned me not to let her find out that I ate instant noodles on Christmas so I had to go out for Christmas lunch at Morganfield's and post up proof o  n Instagram/FB... It was a good date with Jesus... Then I went shopping again... Was time to update my work wardrobe since I've been repeating my ensemble quite frequently over the past year... When you work 6-day-week, you run out of clothes pretty fast...

     Anyway, I just watched the K-drama "Start-Up" recently... And I have to say, it was one of the few that left a more lasting impact in my K-drama memory... The OST has quite a few catchy songs and a few that tugged at my heart... If you liked Itaewon Class, you would like Start-Up too as both have an underdog making it big theme... I know most people are on Team Ji-Pyeong and actually wished Dal-Mi would end up with him... But right from the start, I was on Team Do-San... Maybe because I've liked Nam Joo Hyuk fron watching Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo... But I guess it was more of Do-San's character whom made me rooted for him...

     Although Ji-Pyeong was the one who wrote all those letters to Dal-Mi when they were younger, he used Do-San's name.  By doing that, he literally gave his girl to another guy...  And when he left, he never once came back to look for Dal-Mi or her grandmother for the past 15 years... When fate eventually brought both their paths to meet again, instead of owning up the past, he actually looked for the real Nam Do-San to ask him to pretend to be the guy in the letters for Dal-Mi... Anyway, my point is that Ji-Pyeong had numerous chances to express his feelings for Dal-Mi... But he was a faint-hearted batter... Who was too afraid to hit the home run even though he had everything to his advantage... I really felt sorry for Ji-Pyeong that he didn't get the girl... And then I realized that I've been a Ji-Pyeong all the while...

     So entered Do-San who was a clueless loser at his best... He's probably a Savant who's a genius coder but has no inkling about the emotions of the heart...  But from the moment he met Dal-Mi, he started to change... Because Dal-Mi gave him the encouragement and trust he never received from his parents or anyone else...  He found his dream and finally dared to follow his dream...  And he took every chance he had to show Dal-Mi his feelings for her...  He was there to root for Dal-Mi when she needed him most... And I guess that was why even with his hands only, he managed to erase the 15 years worth of memories of Ji-Pyeong's letters...

     Ji-Pyeong said this in the drama: I had the letters for 15 years and yet I never looked for Dal-Mi, but he (Do-San) read the letters for 1 day and he went to look for Dal-Mi... I would choose Do-San over Ji-Pyeong any day... And I suppose that's why I liked this show a lot... Coz it finally broke the annoying 'fated to be together since young' theme that almost all K-dramas have...  I'm just over the moon that Do-San got the girl...

Angel's Last Mission : Love

      I shouldn't have started using Netflix... I've been on a K-drama binge on my 50-inch 4K TV since... Before it was on my phone... So the graphic details weren't so great... Anyway, since my last post, I've watched 3 more K-dramas namely, Save Me, I'm Not A Robot and Angel's Last Mission: Love... Save Me starred Seo Ye Ji (of It's Okay To Not Be Okay) and revolved around a girl who was trapped in the clutch of a cult while her 4 friends tried to save her... I think Seo Ye Ji as Im Sang Mi was great... her desperation to save herself and her parents from the cult was courageous and admirable...And the 4 friends from school reminded me of Friend The Legend except that none of them ended up as gangsters...

     I loved I'm Not A Robot not so much for the cast but for the AI theme... But of course the humanoid turned out to be a human after all... And it was quite creepy to have your crazy scientist ex-bf to create a humanoid who looks like you and then when the humanoid couldn't function, he asked you to pretend to be that humanoid to be tested by another guy... And of course the guy fell in love with the humanoid and the girl fell for the guy too... But what I loved most were the gadgets in the drama... I wonder if the changeable skin umbrella and heart balls really exist somewhere in the world...

     I just finished watching Angel's Last Mission : Love... I already feel like re-watching it... A ballerina and an angel... Totally my kind of love story... And the OST has really great songs... I actually first heard Oh My Angel in my OT while it was playing on YouTube... saw the MV showing the female lead dancing ballet... Had been wondering which drama it was when it popped up in my Netflix recommendation... talk about providence huh? I love ballet... Wished I had been more persistent in learning and practising pointe... but I've always knew I wouldn't be doing ballet for life... My boobs decided that for me... There was a time in my life when I wished I was flat-chested... I mean, have you ever seen a busty prima ballerina? But it's ok... These days, I'm glad I'm busty...

     The ballet performance they were preparing for was Giselle... It was a beautiful and tragic love story... Just like that of the male lead and female lead... They met when they were younger... But circumstances parted them... And the young boy drowned and died... But apparently he became an angel... And somehow the angel ended up meeting the girl again when she was in depth of despair... He saved her again and again even before he remembered his human past and the girl he promised he would protect when he grew up...

     I cried a lot watching this drama... And thought a lot of God and His Will... Since this drama involved an angel who fell in love with his mission subject... Angel Dan was supposed to help ballerina Yeon Seo to find true love... and they ended up finding true love in each other... So Angel Dan didn't fail in his mission... But angels are forbidden to fall in love with humans... Which then begs the question, why did God send that angel to that woman? If they were not meant to be together... But i suppose it was better to have met for 100 days and truly loved one another than an eternity without ever meeting your true love... Of course, the ill-fated lovers ended up together in the drama... At least that was worth my tears shed for them...

     Incidentally, a friend texted me today to announce to me that my gas-lighter of an ex-bf got married today... She started the text with 'Wow XXX got married'... I asked her why the Wow... and she answered because he managed to find a partner... I'm actually glad that he did... And I hope he will be happy and he will love his wife as God has intended him to... But I'm left wondering if I'll ever find my true love...

It's Okay To Not Be Okay

      I love the title of this drama... It's about as honest as it gets... It really is okay to not be okay... And I love how the characters in the drama are all pretty messed up mentally and emotionally... Finally a drama where I can actually relate to the characters... I supposed that's why this drama was top 10 on Netflix... most of us can relate to at least one of the character in the drama... 

     The drama revolved around Moon Gang Tae and his autistic elder brother Moon Sang Tae who have been on the run from the 'butterflies' since the murder of their mother... Enter Ko Moon Yeong, a children's book author with an antisocial personality trait who happened to be Moon Sang Tae's favourite author... Gang Tae and Moon Yeong seemed to have got off on the wrong foot right from the start... But she somehow developed an obsession on Gang Tae and kept hunting him down...

     So as with all K-drama, the male and female lead would always have had a childhood encounter... Although in this case, it wasn't a pleasant encounter and as fate would have it, their past intertwined in a web of ugly mess which might have eventually destroyed their chance of finding healing and happiness...

     I like how Moon Yeong described Gang Tae as the 'safety pin' to her 'bomb'...  She's volatile and impulsive... He's patient and rational... Although that's not really how Gang Tae is... He just had to be that way for his brother's sake... I cried so much for Gang Tae... as I can relate to him much more than Moon Yeong... Gang Tae's mother told him that she had him so that he would take care of his elder brother... It's like that's the only use of Gang Tae in this world... Imagine growing up believing that... His life was so suppressed and repressed because of the burden he had to carry...

     Gang Tae never felt he could have a life of his own because he was 'stuck' to his brother... But then he fell in love with Moon Yeong and finally dared to dream of having his own life... Just as things seem to be going well, he discovered that his mother was actually murdered by Moon Yeong's psychopathic mother... I cried so hard when Gang Tae showed up for the family portrait shoot which Moon Yeong and Sang Tae wanted to have to make them a 'family'... The pain that Gang Tae was going through knowing the truth and yet wanting to protect them from knowing the truth... totally bawled my eyeballs out...

      I'm glad that Moon Yeong actually found love in Gang Tae... that poor girl had such a traumatic childhood it was amazing she actually grew up being functional physically... I think there's something hopeful about 2 emotionally and mentally dysfunctional souls finding healing and happiness in each other... It gives hope to emotionally and mentally dysfunctional souls like me that maybe we too can eventually find healing and happiness...

     I love the illustrations in Moon Yeong's books... It's very Tim Burton-esque... And I like how each episode is correlated to one of her books... I especially like The Cheerful Dog story... And how Gang Tae helped cut Moon Yeong's hair (symbolizing cutting off her leash)... Also the scene where Gang Tae punched the guy who slapped Moon Yeong and then he got suspended and he was so happy coz he finally could go on a trip with Moon Yeong... Yeah, ok, I love all the scenes where Gang Tae was smiling happily...

     So what I didn't understand was how did Moon Yeong's mother didn't die although her father killed her... Just goes to show it's so difficult for a bad person to die... And to think after all these years she still came back to haunt their lives and even tried to kill Gang Tae... Thank God for Sang Tae who saved the day...

     Anyway, I had a revelation on why and how girls ended up going crazy for Korean oppas from watching this drama... Took me so long to realize the power of positive reinforcement... So if anyone realized this, the male lead always have a few scenes where he gets oogled at by women... the girls would be all looking at the male lead and saying how good looking he is... Even if the person who was watching the drama probably didn't find the male lead good looking initially, after 16 episodes of such positive reinforcement, anyone would think Gong Yoo, Lee Jong Suk and Kim Soo Hyun good looking... Oh, this works vice versa too... That's why people think Jun Ji Hyun and Park So Dam are gorgeous...

     I guess if I tell myself that I'm gorgeous while looking in the mirror a few times a day I would eventually start believing that too... Well, it worked like magic for Lee Young Jun in What's Wrong With Secretary Kim? Might be worth a try...

What's Wrong With Secretary Kim?

      So I decided to bingewatch another Park Seo Joon k-drama while waiting for It's Okay Not To Be Okay to finish releasing its episode so I could bingewatch it... Ended up watching What's Wrong with Secretary Kim? Or my preferred title which is actually What's Wrong With Vice President Lee? Coz I lost count of the number of times I asked "What's wrong with that guy?" I have to say though that this Rom Com had me laughing in stitches thanks to the obnoxiously narcissistic character of the male lead Lee Young Jun...

     I almost gave up watching it after the 1st episode coz I couldn't stand Lee Young Jun... Secretary Kim aka Kim Mi So is a saint for being able to put up with her boss for 9 years... Having dated a narcissist, I really do have a strong aversion towards such character... But I suppose this is the magic of K-drama: I went from "Ugh! I can't stand this obnoxious narcissistic guy!" in the first 8 episodes to "😍😍😍 I so want to marry this guy!" in the last 8 episodes... The heart is such a fickle creature! But of course, in reality, a narcissist never changes its stripes...

     If there's a persistent theme in all these idol series, it is this: the male lead and the female lead have always met when they were younger... Either in their preteen / teen years...And somehow they were separated and met again as destiny intended a decade or 2 later... In this drama, young Lee Young Jun (or Lee Sung Hyeon), age 9 and Kim Mi So, age 5 were kidnapped by a mentally disturbed woman who ended up hanging herself in front of the 2 kids... Sung Hyeon managed to free both of them and brought Mi So home... she then proposed to him saying that they should get married when they grow up... Sung Hyeon agreed and even made a pinky promise with her... However, by the time Sung Hyeon emerged from the traumatic experience and went back to look for Mi So, the neighbourhood no longer existed as it was being turned into an amusement park by Sung Hyeon's father's company...

     So here's the thing, I've had the same experience of proposing to a guy at a tender age of 5 while we were lying under the seats of our school bus on our way back from kindergarten almost on a daily basis (that poor boy, he must have been so traumatized)... of course he never said yes and there was no pinky promise... and by the time I met him again in high school, I didn't think I wanted to marry him at all... And he, having had to go through such trauma probably avoided me at all cost... But yeah, that's real life for you...

     I guess my opinion of Lee Young Jun changed a little after I realized that he was the guy Mi So was looking for and he recognized her when she first started working in his company... But Mi So didn't recognize him coz she forgot his name and the whole traumatic experience... She only remembered there was an oppa who showed her kindness and comforted her when she was scared and alone... He didn't tell her back then because he thought it was good that she didn't remember because he grew up remembering the traumatic experience and being haunted by nightmares of the dead woman every day of his life while having to pretend that he didn't remember anything about it... Coz his useless elder brother developed false memory that he was the one being kidnapped and caused so much havoc for the family... Oh, and that's another persistent theme in k-dramas: the chaebol always has a traumatic childhood experience that leaves him scarred for life and can only be cured by the love of the female lead

     I suppose Young Jun's character was his defense mechanism... He kept young women at bay because he was traumatized by a young woman... He had to live a life of perfection and keep telling himself how great and awesome he was to keep his psyche from falling apart... He thought by making Mi So his secretary, he would be able to keep her by his side always... until the day she told him she was going to quit her job and find her own life... I guess that's when his facade of Mr Perfect fell apart...

     If I thought his excessive self-confidence and self-love was funny, I found his attempts to romance Mi So even funnier... Watching Park Seo Joon's goofy crinkly-eyed grin whenever he's pleased with himself and thinking of Mi So just gets to me every time... Yes, I have a weakness for men with crinkly-eyed smiles... 

     I learned a new term in the drama... The curse of the blockbuster... Apparently this is where a guy brings a girl on a blockbuster date (meaning an extravagant and elaborate date that requires a lot of money) and the girl will find all dates with other ordinary men less desirable... Pretty accurate I suppose...

     Of course there was a happy ending for this couple... A guy like Lee Young Jun will always get his girl... But I especially love the proposal part (and also the funny scenes when he's trying to think of ways to propose)... Of course the chaebol always knows how to play the piano... And so Young Jun was playing the piano and singing his heart out for Mi So... And as he was proposing, he said he will sing for her for the rest of their lives (coz Mi So said his lullaby calms her down and helps her fall asleep)... I thought that was the most romantic thing, ever... 

     Okay, it's time to watch It's Okay Not To Be Okay now...

Itaewon Class: Find me a Park Saeroyi

     So after Hospital Playlist, I decided to take a break from bingeing on K-dramas as I was afraid I might start speaking Korean in my dreams... Then my OT sister suggested I should watch Itaewon Class if i wasn't looking for a mushy lovey-dovey romantic K-drama... which I did... And I fell hook, line, sinker for Park Saeroyi... No, I don't have a crush on Park Seo Joon (the actor who played Park Saeroyi) and I did have a wee bit of a problem with Park Saeroyi's bowl cut (or chestnut cut)... But I've never been one who is so shallow as to judge a guy from his hairstyle...

     I know this might cause an outcry (maybe even a boycott) from every female, but I really do prefer Park Saeroyi to Ri Jeong Hyeok (although I'm still in the process of getting over my Hyun Bin crush)... I love Park Saeroyi for his resolute determination... from sticking to his principles and integrity... to not giving up in reaching his goals and ambitions... Despite going through a series of unfortunate events... from being expelled from high school for standing up against a bully, to losing his father in the hands of the said bully, to ending up in jail for assaulting the same bully...

     He had a high school crush, Oh Soo Ah, who ended up working for his enemy's company... He told her that he liked her but she told him not to fall for her and that she will only date rich men... So he was determined to become rich... But of course his first and ultimate goal was to destroy his enemy, Jang Dae Hee and his son Jang Geung Won (who killed Saeroyi's father)... Anyway, Soo Ah probably liked Saeroyi too... But she made her life decisions which prevented her from being with Saeroyi... She thought Saeroyi's feelings for her would never change, which was why she took it for granted and prioritized her goals over him... 

     Enter Jo Yi Seo into Saeroyi's life... I must say this female protagonist was initially quite antagonistic... She brought nothing but trouble to Saeroyi... but through their interactions and unexpected encounters, she realized her psychotic/ sociopathic self was actually capable of having feelings for a person of the opposite sex... I even like how she stole Saeroyi's first kiss... And I loved how she told Saeroyi that she will help make his dreams come true... And how she was betting her life on him... And that she would destroy the ppl who messed with him... Indeed, who knew having a woman with psychopathic/ sociopathic tendency who is obsessively in love with you would be beneficial to your business development and success...

     I loved how the Itaewon Class team consisted of various misfits who all came together and became like a family... But I supposed if you had a boss like Park Saeroyi, you would even die for his cause... Saeroyi is one of such rare character who really walked the talk and never compromised his integrity and always valued his people... There's no way you wouldn't trust your life with him... from his ex-cellmate gangster Choi Seung Gwon, the transgender cook Ma Hyun Yi, the bastard child of Jang Dae Hee, Jang Geun Soo to the 'foreigner' black half Korean Kim Toni, Saeroyi saw the potential and value in each of them...

     Although Park Saeroyi was the leader every team dreamed of having, I must say that the true brains were really Jo Yi Seo and Lee Ho Jin (the high school kid who was the bully victim of Jang Geung Won)... Jo Yi Seo was the brilliant manager whose social influencing and marketing skills propelled Danbam to fame and success... And Lee Ho Jin was the genius hedge fund manager who helped turn Saeroyi's millions into billions... I think I need a genius hedge fund manager for myself too...

     I know this would unlikely happen in real life but I was so happy when Park Saeroyi finally realized that he was in love with Jo Yi Seo... Although he was probably already in love with her even from the beginning... But because of his sense of loyalty to his high school crush Soo Ah and also his sense of loyalty to his 'brother' Jang Geun Soo (Geun Soo was in love with Yi Seo), he felt that he couldn't have feelings for Yi Seo... At least in this drama, the girl who gave her everything for the guy got the guy in the end...

     There are only 3 kissing scenes between Saeroyi and Yi Seo throughout the drama which made all the romance between these 2 socially inept beings all the more sweeter and heart-warming... There was a scene in the final episode where Yi Seo asked Saeroyi if he liked her... He answered, no, I love you... It's probably lame and cheesy coming from any other guy... But coming from Saeroyi, I wouldn't mind hearing it a thousand times... 

     I do wonder, if I've been living my life like Oh Soo Ah or Jo Yi Seo... Regretfully, I think I've been more like Oh Soo Ah... But I supposed I've never met a Park Saeroyi... So I've never felt like I could bet my life on anyone... So here's a take home message from Itaewon Class: if you ever met a Jo Yi Seo in your life, be a Park Saeroyi to her and never lose her no matter what you do... and if I ever find a Park Saeroyi in my life, I'll be a Jo Yi Seo for him... I'll definitely bet my life on him and help him make his dreams come true...

Hospital Playlist

     My cousin recommended Hospital Playlist to me... She thought I would like it as it was relatable to me... She did warn me that the first few episodes might be confusing as there were many characters and stories that revolved around them... So I gave it a try and I loved it from the moment go... this from someone who refused to watch Grey's Anatomy at the height of its popularity... Yes, at that time I felt that my life was Grey's Anatomy enough (minus the sex and scandals) so I didn't need to watch my life happening on TV...

     Hospital Playlist tells of 5 doctors who went to med school together and were now at age 40 working together in a university hospital... There's Chae Song Hwa, the perfect female Neurosurgeon who is tone-deaf... Lee Ik-Jun, the popular funny guy Hepatobiliary surgeon who became a single father (his son U-ju has got to be the cutest kid ever)... Ahn Jeong Won, the soft-hearted Paediatric surgeon who is hell-bent on becoming a priest... Kim Jun Wan, the asshole Cardiothoracic surgeon who is actually kind and warm-hearted... And Yang Seok-Hyeong, the divorced, introverted and "slow-witted" Ob/Gyn who wanted to start a band with his fellow friends...

     No prize for guessing who is my favourite character among the 5... although I'm actually torn between Jeong Won and Jun Wan....Jeong Won reminded me of myself back then... No, I never wanted to be a nun... I'm not even Catholic... It was his passion for his patients... His sorrow when he couldn't save his patients... And his joy when his patients get better... And his love for God... Jun Wan is the ultimate cool and efficient surgeon whom I inspire to be... but I never wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon... he may not have been the most empathetic surgeon, but his dedication and tenacity is something every surgeon should have...

     This drama brought back a lot of wonderful memories of med school and my years working in KK... Like Jun Wan, I had highlights on my hair in med school... which I had to re-dyed black before my Professional Exam... we didn't have a band or anything back in med school... but I did play the keyboard at church (very occasionally) during my Masters years... And I miss all the karaoke sessions with my girls when we were in KK... Looking back, I'm really amazed at how I managed to stay sane throughout my Anaes MO years... how I've managed to hold it in every time I treated critically ill patients... While watching the drama, I cried so much during those ICU/ OT moments...

     There was a female GS resident in the drama... Jang Gyeo-Ul... who was totally in love with Ahn Jeong Won... reminded me of a time when I had a crush on one of my lecturer... I found his crinkly-eyed smile so endearing... Fortunately, the crush was short-lived... I just couldn't stand a guy who talked like a Mak Cik Kiah and nagged worse than a woman... Anyway, I'm just so glad that in the end, Jeong Won realized that he was in love with Gyeo-Ul and decided to stay as a paediatric surgeon in the hospital (he initially planned to leave for seminary school to study to be a priest)...

        A friend mentioned that this drama is as realistic as it gets for a medical drama... And I do agree to a certain extent... However, I do feel there's a tad too much of office romance going on... Maybe it's just me... I've never dated anyone from work... I prefer to keep my personal and work life segregated... Or perhaps I'm such a loser that no one from work ever wanted to date... Oh well, worked out fine for me... I guess if you have such good looking Professors, the residents can't help crushing on them... I would definitely have a crush on Ahn Jeong Won and Kim Jun Wan... So there's Jang Gyeo-Ul crushing on Ahn Jeong Won... then there's Chu Min-ha crushing on Yang Seok-Hyeong and Ahn Chi Hong crushing on Chae Song Hwa... And eventually we found out that Lee Ik-Jun and Chae Song Hwa were crushing on each other since med school... I thought that was really sweet... That after 20 years, they eventually rediscovered the feelings they had for each other...

     There weren't many kissing scenes throughout the drama... I think there were only 2 or 3 kissing scenes... And I can't decide which one I loved better... There was that 2am kiss between Jun Wan and Ik Sun (Ik Jun's younger sister who is an army officer) in front of the hospital entrance... Jun Wan had just finished a surgery and was on the phone with Ik Sun while walking out of the hospital... And suddenly he saw a girl who looked like Ik Sun sitting opposite the road and started walking towards him... He thought he was hallucinating... And there was Ik Sun standing in front of him... And then he kissed her... That kiss was so sensual and romantic...

     Then there was the kiss between Jeong Won and Gyeo-Ul... She went to his office to confess her feelings for him... And also to ask him to stay... Although she knew it was not her place to do so... such courage... I thought Jeong Won was going to reject her confession... But then without a word, he just walked towards her and kissed her... YES!!!! I was so happy watching them kiss... It was like, there's still hope for a 40 year-old priest-wannabe to find romantic love in this world... I wish there will be Season 2 so that I can watch how their love blooms...

     I loved their band practice and the songs that they sang...So much feels... Listening to the OST while typing this post... I guess a part of me missed my hospital years... Coz I was serving the people... And even when I became a plastic surgeon, I really wanted to serve in the government hospital for as long as I could... But I guess life has a way of working out differently from what you've imagined... I can only say that I guess at this moment in time, I'm where I'm meant to be... And I really thank God for bringing me this far...

The Snow Queen

     So it seemed that I still haven't gotten Hyun Bin out of my system... Which was why I ended up watching The Snow Queen... This drama was probably a typical tragic melodramatic K-drama which I used to swore I would never watch back when I was in med school... Everyone was crazy about Autumn In My Heart back then and I refused to watch it... I still haven't watch it up till today... Anyway, life has a strange way of making you eat your own words...

     As expected, I cried buckets while watching this drama... I think Han Tae Woong is the most tragic male lead of all the K-dramas I've ever watched... A math genius who won the gold medal in the International Math Olympiad... But whose best friend killed himself because he didn't win the gold medal... And he spent 8 years of his life as a high school dropout who was a 3rd grade boxer because he felt that he was the reason his best friend killed himself... He couldn't live past his guilt and self-condemnation...

    And as if that wasn't tragic enough, he met the girl from 8 years ago who turned out to be his best friend's younger sister...  And of course they had to fall in love with each other and her father wouldn't approve of their relationship... Then just when they were finally together and he finally had a chance to be happy, the girl had to have malignant thymoma and died... I thought he was going to kill himself too... But thankfully he didn't...

      Thanks to this drama, I now have a new bucket list... I'm going to Lapland someday to meet the Snow Queen... I wonder if I'll be able to survive the cold and frostbite...  Han Tae Woong went to Lapland too...  After the death of his beloved...  Because she left him a message on her pager that she would be in Lapland by the time he heard her message... If I had such a tragic life, I really do wonder if I would still have the will and courage to continue living...

     But as Han Tae Woong told Kim Bo Ra when he saved her from killing herself, it is better to live... To live and suffer... To live and regret... And because of that, she lived life having loved someone, even though they didn't get to grow old together... I guess it's better to have lived and loved than never have loved at all...