In KL on the day of LeeHom's concert but....

I officially have a 'hate' feeling for my masters programme now...and don't anybody come telling me that i need to sacrifice a lot for my masters programme now so that i'd have a better future...first up, i don't even know if i'd live long enough to have a better future at the rate things are going...and God knows i'm sacrificing enough of my life for this stupid programme...why? you ask...

1. if it's not for masters, i wouldn't have to be in KL on the day of LeeHom's concert but yet can't stay to watch his concert...don't get me wrong, i was ready to sacrifice and not go for LeeHom's concert tomorrow...i knew i had to be on call one of the days this weekend...but then i was forced to go to KL for a day just to bloody present an 8-minute presentation and have to rush back to be on call the next day...it's just plain cruelty....urgh!!!!

2. if it's not for masters, i won't have to give up my travelling hobby...i can't bloody plan a holiday now coz my life is so bloody uncertain...my Greek September is currently on hold indefinitely...i don't mind if i have to give up my travelling hobby for my family (but look at no. 3)...

3. if it's not for masters, i wouldn't have to be a high risk primigravida at 36...assuming that i do bloody graduate at 34, managed to get myself married by then and still have about 2 years of honeymoon period with my hubby...i know a lot of ppl get married and have kids during their masters...but i'm not 'a lot of ppl'...i can't do it...for me, it's one or the other...i don't want to give divided attention to my children...

And exactly since when is 'sacrificing your life' a criteria to fulfill when doing your masters programme? who bloody made that a criterium? is life as it is not hard enough for us?

Ok, i just needed to get the rage out of my system...i know i really shouldn't complain too much...after all, my life has taken on a new beginning with the start of the new year...yup, i'm officially in a relationship now...yes, with a man...i may be bi-curious, but i don't think i've developed gay tendencies...i love my man...and he's totally head over heels in love with me...and i really do thank God that despite the circumstances i'm in, He has brought love into my life...

The only thing is this, my man is working so far away now...and we'll probably only get to see each other on a 3 monthly interval...and come next year (assuming we're still together), i don't know exactly when would be the date of our anniversary...hehe...oh, to be in love and not to be close to your beloved...such agony!! and the longing to be in your beloved's arms once more...bittersweet....Lord, please let him come home soon....

Blessed 2011...now to prepare for 2012...

So somewhere beginning of this month i joined a contest to win 6 months free facial...and i tried every legal and ethical measure i could to bid for votes...got my friends to help share my photo to ask their friends to vote for me...i messaged every FB friend i had (which were less than 500)...and then Cam found out the other girl who had more 'likes' on her photo had 4004 friends in her FB account...and i thought, yea, i give up...there's no way i could win even if all my friends voted for me...it'd be a miracle if i won...

The day after i came back from Singapore, Urban Essentials put up the top 3 finalists with their number of valid votes...and what do you know? despite the other girl having more 'likes' on her pic, my valid votes were still more...and yesterday, they announced the winner...i won!!! a miracle!!! God is so good...i'm so grateful to Him and all my friends who've shared my photo and voted for me...and also to my friends' friends who voted for me....

One of my 2011 resolution was to get a new camera...i wanted either a sony alpha nex or a panasonic lumix gf for Christmas...Ah Lok decided that he wanted to get me a sony alpha nex 5...he had quite a hard time trying to buy it for me...coz the model that i wanted was limited in stock...i thought i wasn't getting my camera this year...i didn't mind waiting till next year CNY...but then he gave me a surprise...special delivery to KB...in person...soooo happy!!!! God is really too good to me...for sending angels into my life to remind me of how much He loves me...

A friend asked if it was a 'special' friend who gave me my new camera...i replied, i'm not sure how to define our friendship...last night i actually dreamt about Ah Lok...the dream was quite disturbing...i dreamt that we were in a car...his parents were in the front seats and we were in the back seats...wasn't sure what the ongoing conversation was all about, what car we were in, where we were going...i just remembered that along the way, he took my hand and held it...under normal conscious circumstances, i think i would have pulled my hand away...but in my dream, i let him hold my hand...is my subconscious trying to tell me something? i don't know...perhaps it's better not to dwell into it too much...not exactly in the right state of mind to even consider a relationship...and my deepest fear is that i would not be able to love anyone with all my heart and soul...not with so much uncertainties in my life at the moment...

The last week of 2011 has been an overwhelming week of blessings and miracles...but i'm so carnal...the ungrateful brat in me actually thinks that maybe God is 'fattening' me up for the slaughterhouse coz come tomorrow, January 1st, i'll be back in HUSM...and i'm so afraid despite me being so grateful now for His love, blessings and miracles, when things go awry on Sunday, it'll be so easy for me to turn and shout at Him for not being there for me...and that it'll be so easy for me to forget all the wonderful blessings and miracles i experienced just the week before...that suddenly 'last year' would seem so faraway...

Lord, please help me to remember Your goodness...despite what the New Year may bring...help me to surrender everything into Your hands...that i may trust that You're carrying me on Your wings when my whole world seems to be falling apart, Lord...You have never forsaken me...and You never will...all You need is my Amen...may You always have my Amen, Lord...Happy New Year 2012!!!