I woke up feeling quite horrified and disturbed (a term most often used by my friend Sharon, which seems to have caught on among our friends as well) this morning...i was actually quite glad that i was awakened by my colleague's message to ask for handover (although it was 45 minutes earlier than my set alarm)...or else i wouldn't know what further disturbing course my dream would have taken...i haven't been having dreams for some time now...and i had problem falling asleep again last night so my dream totally caught be off guard...guess i managed to get into some REM sleep after all...
I actually feel quite disturbed typing this post coz my dream contents still make me feel squirmish when i think about them...the setting for the dream is quite a haze to me but it felt like i was on a cruise ship...a huge one with lifts...and then there was this guy (who's almost a decade younger than i am...yes, i can hear horrifying gasps) who was in the same cruise...we happened to go into the same lift (for some reason we were heading for the basement)...and something happened in the lift, which was caught on the cctv....
Apparently we were both a little drunk and i somehow went over to seduce him and we ended up making out in the lift...and the whole incident was exposed coz the recording of the cctv were widely distributed on the ship...but apparently the cctv could only see the guy but not me (coz my back was facing the cctv)...and it became such a scandal on the cruise that the guy actually had to make a public apology...while i was spared the public humiliation as no one could identify who the girl was...
Then the guy confronted me..get this...of all place, in the shower (imagine those public showers in swimming pools with rows of shower cubicles)...i was only in my towel when he barged in and started throwing accusations at me...asking me why i seduced him and caused him to commit such a shameful mistake...he said all he wanted to do was to go down to the basement to study (i know, this is how weird my dreams can get)...and i said i don't remember doing anything to seduce you coz i was drunk (i think i've only been drunk once and i didn't do anything stupid like that)...i think there was supposed to be more arguments to follow but thank God the message from my colleague woke me up...
I don't know what this dream meant and i don't wish to even try to understand or interpret it...in case it actually reveals that my subconscious mind is getting too desperate that it's turning into a cradle-snatcher...or what's that new term used again? cougar or something? yup, i think i'll just laugh it off as a practical joke my subconscious mind is playing on me...well, at least now i know that i'm capable of dreaming up a scandal...hahahahaha....
Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts
Friday, November 11, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Of dreams and desire....
So i'm back from England yesterday...and today i'm back in KB...and tomorrow i'm back to work...not sure if i would be jetlagged from English time coz apparently i wasn't in England long enough to recover from the initial jetlag...anyway, would write about London and my West End adventure in another post...felt a need to write down about this recurring dream theme i've been having...well, as far as i can remember (vaguely), it has occurred twice...
Don't really remember the details...just that in my dream, i was supposed to be meeting a person (i'm assuming it's a guy)...and i can remember the anxiety and anticipation and excitement about meeting this person...but somehow, one by one my friends would come along and tell me he's delayed by one thing or another...can't remember any of the reasons for delay but they just felt ridiculous...and in the end, i woke up...never meeting that person...dang, must be my biological clock ticking loudly into my subconscious mind...it would at least have been nice to actually catch a glimpse of the person i was supposed to meet (even if he had to be swiftly carried off by the stormclouds or something)....
Was reading a book over my English holiday...it's called The Journey of Desire, by John Eldredge...honestly, i'm not a fan of Christian books...but i daresay it was divine intervention that brought me to this book...a month back or so, i stumbled upon a comment left by a friend which mentioned that i reminded him of the sea turtle stranded in a barren desert in the story which was in the above-mentioned book (just for the record, i don't think i'm like the sea turtle coz i don't delude others into thinking that the sea doesn't exist...i'm more like the sea lion, who is always dreaming of the sea)...the comment must have been left there for a while but i never noticed it...so i decided to get the book and read it for myself...Suet Lai got it for me the last time she went back to KL...but she only gave it to me a day or 2 just before i left for my English holiday...
I thought that was a sign i should read it somehow...and i must say this is one Christian book that really spoke to my desire...i'm just so glad that there are Christians out there who believe that we should not kill our desire but embrace it...at every turn of a page or two, my tears will swell up and spill over...i don't think i've read a book that made me cry that much (apart from PS I Love You)...i wish i could read it everyday to remind me of how i should have the freedom of desire and how i should channel my desires to God...it is too easy to forget...when i was younger, it used to amaze me how Israel quickly forgets God everytime He delivered them from their afflictions...i wondered, how can they forget the miracles and amazing feats God did for them? i'm older now...and i realized how foolish my amazement has been...for i forget too...again and again i forget...just as Israel did...
How God must be looking down at this child of His and shakes His head...He'll say: I forget too...again and again i forget...all your iniquities and sins...as long as you come back to My Side and love Me with all your heart and soul and mind...Oh, such amazing love...Oh Lord, don't let me be ruled by my heart's desires but help me to surrender them to You each and everyday...don't let me forget You, Lord...
Don't really remember the details...just that in my dream, i was supposed to be meeting a person (i'm assuming it's a guy)...and i can remember the anxiety and anticipation and excitement about meeting this person...but somehow, one by one my friends would come along and tell me he's delayed by one thing or another...can't remember any of the reasons for delay but they just felt ridiculous...and in the end, i woke up...never meeting that person...dang, must be my biological clock ticking loudly into my subconscious mind...it would at least have been nice to actually catch a glimpse of the person i was supposed to meet (even if he had to be swiftly carried off by the stormclouds or something)....
Was reading a book over my English holiday...it's called The Journey of Desire, by John Eldredge...honestly, i'm not a fan of Christian books...but i daresay it was divine intervention that brought me to this book...a month back or so, i stumbled upon a comment left by a friend which mentioned that i reminded him of the sea turtle stranded in a barren desert in the story which was in the above-mentioned book (just for the record, i don't think i'm like the sea turtle coz i don't delude others into thinking that the sea doesn't exist...i'm more like the sea lion, who is always dreaming of the sea)...the comment must have been left there for a while but i never noticed it...so i decided to get the book and read it for myself...Suet Lai got it for me the last time she went back to KL...but she only gave it to me a day or 2 just before i left for my English holiday...
I thought that was a sign i should read it somehow...and i must say this is one Christian book that really spoke to my desire...i'm just so glad that there are Christians out there who believe that we should not kill our desire but embrace it...at every turn of a page or two, my tears will swell up and spill over...i don't think i've read a book that made me cry that much (apart from PS I Love You)...i wish i could read it everyday to remind me of how i should have the freedom of desire and how i should channel my desires to God...it is too easy to forget...when i was younger, it used to amaze me how Israel quickly forgets God everytime He delivered them from their afflictions...i wondered, how can they forget the miracles and amazing feats God did for them? i'm older now...and i realized how foolish my amazement has been...for i forget too...again and again i forget...just as Israel did...
How God must be looking down at this child of His and shakes His head...He'll say: I forget too...again and again i forget...all your iniquities and sins...as long as you come back to My Side and love Me with all your heart and soul and mind...Oh, such amazing love...Oh Lord, don't let me be ruled by my heart's desires but help me to surrender them to You each and everyday...don't let me forget You, Lord...
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Chicken Chop & Good Old Times....and El Camino de Santiago as my graduation gift...
I just came back from dinner with Kenneth and Daphne...had chicken chop for dinner...it's the famous one which we used to go to during our uni days...i just found out today that the owners have moved their shop...quite an upgrade from the shop they used to run their business...which i must say is a rare thing in KB...i guess business has been very good since i left KB 5 years ago...
As i ate my large portion of chicken chop, it brought back a lot of good memories...Alisa, Colleen, Chiew Ping and i used to go there for our dose of chicken chop/ fish and chips...or sometimes one of them would go out and ta pau back for dinner...and when i was with Kheng Wee, that used to be one of our regular dinner date spot...if we ever go out for dinner...Kheng Wee loved the chicken chop there...sometimes he would go on the bike all the way to town to ta pau chicken chop for both of us... ahhh, those were the good old times...
So much have stayed the same, yet so much have changed...but one thing's for sure...you can't go back to the past...so i have to seize the present....and look forward to the future...i've been listening to Corrinne May every so often as i can...and someone used her song "On My Way" as the song for her El Camino de Santiago journey in Youtube...i was curious about this El Camino de Santiago so i googled it...
What i found out totally inspired me...El Camino de Santiago is also known as The Way of St James...it's a pilgrimage where pilgrims make their journey from certain starting points to end at the Santiago de Compostella, the cathedral where it was believed that the remains of St James were buried...it's at a place called Santiago in Northern Spain...and the most popular starting point is from this place called St Jean Pied de Port, somewhere at the French side of the Pyrenees...from there, pilgrims travel by foot/ bicycle for 780km to their destination in Santiago...along the way, there are Alburgues or Refugios (hostels for pilgrims) where pilgrims can rest and exchange experience/ life stories with other pilgrims...when they've reached Santiago de Compostella, some pilgrims choose to continue their walk to Finisterre, which is by the beach...
And so, i have a dream...that is to go for El Camino de Santiago after i graduate from my master programme...it would be a graduation gift to myself...and i truly believe that it will be a purifying journey for me...not sure exactly what i expect to find...perhaps it will help renew my faith, help me to draw closer to God...whatever it is, it is definitely something that i will hold on to, to help me get through these next 4 years...Lord, may You bless Your daughter's desire...
Anyway, enough of dreaming and reverie for now...time to get back to studying...post call today...and i haven't been studying anything...one day wasted...oh dear...but i'm so not in the mood to study...Lord, help me to love anatomy....
As i ate my large portion of chicken chop, it brought back a lot of good memories...Alisa, Colleen, Chiew Ping and i used to go there for our dose of chicken chop/ fish and chips...or sometimes one of them would go out and ta pau back for dinner...and when i was with Kheng Wee, that used to be one of our regular dinner date spot...if we ever go out for dinner...Kheng Wee loved the chicken chop there...sometimes he would go on the bike all the way to town to ta pau chicken chop for both of us... ahhh, those were the good old times...
So much have stayed the same, yet so much have changed...but one thing's for sure...you can't go back to the past...so i have to seize the present....and look forward to the future...i've been listening to Corrinne May every so often as i can...and someone used her song "On My Way" as the song for her El Camino de Santiago journey in Youtube...i was curious about this El Camino de Santiago so i googled it...
What i found out totally inspired me...El Camino de Santiago is also known as The Way of St James...it's a pilgrimage where pilgrims make their journey from certain starting points to end at the Santiago de Compostella, the cathedral where it was believed that the remains of St James were buried...it's at a place called Santiago in Northern Spain...and the most popular starting point is from this place called St Jean Pied de Port, somewhere at the French side of the Pyrenees...from there, pilgrims travel by foot/ bicycle for 780km to their destination in Santiago...along the way, there are Alburgues or Refugios (hostels for pilgrims) where pilgrims can rest and exchange experience/ life stories with other pilgrims...when they've reached Santiago de Compostella, some pilgrims choose to continue their walk to Finisterre, which is by the beach...
And so, i have a dream...that is to go for El Camino de Santiago after i graduate from my master programme...it would be a graduation gift to myself...and i truly believe that it will be a purifying journey for me...not sure exactly what i expect to find...perhaps it will help renew my faith, help me to draw closer to God...whatever it is, it is definitely something that i will hold on to, to help me get through these next 4 years...Lord, may You bless Your daughter's desire...
Anyway, enough of dreaming and reverie for now...time to get back to studying...post call today...and i haven't been studying anything...one day wasted...oh dear...but i'm so not in the mood to study...Lord, help me to love anatomy....
Sunday, April 10, 2011
恶梦。。。
昨天我 on call 了。。。过了一周的平静假期，又要开始熬夜了。。。昨晚忙到快三点才得睡。。。每两个小时又来电话。。。在短短那俩小时我作了一场恶梦。。。又梦到不该梦到的人了。。。我是怎么啦。。。想梦到的人又梦不到。。。不想梦到的人又常出现在我梦境里。。。
在梦中里，他突然来我家。。。而我家又不是我现在住的家。。。奇怪。。。我们谈了挺久。。。谈些什么我也模糊不清。。。只记得有水一直流在地下流到外面。。。然后我们就去散步。。。他忽然包者我的腰而抓者我的手。。。真的吓了我一跳。。。我问他，"你不是有了女朋友么?"。。。他说，"是啊，但我也是要你当我女朋友"。。。哇!!! 真的气死我了。。。幸好我没有一巴掌飞过去。。他竟然那么大胆。。。然后我就被电话吵醒了。。。
想一回，我应该打他。。而且该打几次。。。打醒他。。。一脚踏两船的男人是活该得。。。算了。。。别让一场恶梦破了我的心情。。。好了。。。要出去跟 Elaine 和 Siang Lin 吃午餐了。。。
在梦中里，他突然来我家。。。而我家又不是我现在住的家。。。奇怪。。。我们谈了挺久。。。谈些什么我也模糊不清。。。只记得有水一直流在地下流到外面。。。然后我们就去散步。。。他忽然包者我的腰而抓者我的手。。。真的吓了我一跳。。。我问他，"你不是有了女朋友么?"。。。他说，"是啊，但我也是要你当我女朋友"。。。哇!!! 真的气死我了。。。幸好我没有一巴掌飞过去。。他竟然那么大胆。。。然后我就被电话吵醒了。。。
想一回，我应该打他。。而且该打几次。。。打醒他。。。一脚踏两船的男人是活该得。。。算了。。。别让一场恶梦破了我的心情。。。好了。。。要出去跟 Elaine 和 Siang Lin 吃午餐了。。。
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Happy Malaysia Day!!!
Had a good call last night...thank God for His mercy....totally slept from 1130pm till 8am this morning... and amazingly, no calls...finally got up about 1030am to bathe....then went to K-box to meet Elaine for our Chinese lessons...asked Grace but she was tired from her call last night...so she didn't join us... we had lunch at K-box and sang for about 2 hours plus...sang some new songs...like JJ Lin's 一个又一个 , 神木與瞳's 宽恕, 好想为你哭, 王力宏's 材米油盐酱醋茶....but they didn't have his 你不知道的事...
After that, i came home and tried sleeping some more...but kept waking up...so decided to wake up... saw my boss online so was chatting with him...guess he was having a good call since he could be at home online...hehe...was feeling hungry by about 6pm...so had a stick of chocolate...and messaged Sharon if she was free for dinner...she was...so we went to Fruit Monster at Lintas...haven't met her for about 2 months de...so it was good to catch up...i was basically complaining about work...and she said i was scaring her into not coming back to work...hehe...
She told me she had a dream about me having a baby...i was like, weird...so i asked if my baby was brown...and she said it was a boy...and he looked like a Chindian...and she was carrying the baby and saying "he looks so cute"...good, guess he took after me then...hahaha...and i asked her, i don't suppose there was a 'husband' by my side...and she said, yea there wasn't...i hope her dream isn't prophetic...but funny thing was, i was thinking that if it did happen, then it wasn't a bad thing after all...i got my baby...it may be difficult to be a single mother...so i don't need a man who would add to my misery...Sharon's lucky to have Pang...he's a good husband and father...who loves his wife and would do the housework to help Sharon out at home...
Oh well, guess it's que sera sera...Happy Malaysia Day!!! tomorrow i'm on call again...
After that, i came home and tried sleeping some more...but kept waking up...so decided to wake up... saw my boss online so was chatting with him...guess he was having a good call since he could be at home online...hehe...was feeling hungry by about 6pm...so had a stick of chocolate...and messaged Sharon if she was free for dinner...she was...so we went to Fruit Monster at Lintas...haven't met her for about 2 months de...so it was good to catch up...i was basically complaining about work...and she said i was scaring her into not coming back to work...hehe...
She told me she had a dream about me having a baby...i was like, weird...so i asked if my baby was brown...and she said it was a boy...and he looked like a Chindian...and she was carrying the baby and saying "he looks so cute"...good, guess he took after me then...hahaha...and i asked her, i don't suppose there was a 'husband' by my side...and she said, yea there wasn't...i hope her dream isn't prophetic...but funny thing was, i was thinking that if it did happen, then it wasn't a bad thing after all...i got my baby...it may be difficult to be a single mother...so i don't need a man who would add to my misery...Sharon's lucky to have Pang...he's a good husband and father...who loves his wife and would do the housework to help Sharon out at home...
Oh well, guess it's que sera sera...Happy Malaysia Day!!! tomorrow i'm on call again...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Weird dream...
Dreamland is a treacherous water to tread on...ppl say that's where your subconscious desire is awakened...but is it really? for the longest time i haven't been dreaming...or at least if i did, it wasn't weird enough to spook me into remembering it...but this morning i woke up from a weird dream... i dreamt that i got back together with my ex...the good ex...ok, so you're thinking, that's not weird...in fact it's quite normal...it's just that i found it weird coz before i fell asleep last night, i was thinking of 2 different guys...neither one was my good ex...so how on earth did my good ex appeared in my dream?
Hmmm, so does it mean that subconsciously, that's what i want? but i don't even think about getting back together with him during my waking hours...even though i'll be seeing him more often nowadays since he's back in town...and he's already dating someone else anyway...and i'm not even heartbroken about that...or has my heart learn how to lie to my mind so well that my mind can't even tell that my heart is lying? or is it the other way round? can your mind and heart really be dichotomized? sigh...i'm so screwed up....
Just saw my ex-roommate Sharan's FB status update...i quote: Today I asked John if he wanted to buy a Dreamcatcher for the bike. He said "No dear, i don't need a Dreamcatcher anymore since i already caught my dream, i caught you". awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (but i think he didnt want to spend money lah thats why)...quote end...hehe, that's so sweet and cute...so happy for her that she's happily married now...but can't help wondering when i'll catch my dream...if at all...
Hmmm, so does it mean that subconsciously, that's what i want? but i don't even think about getting back together with him during my waking hours...even though i'll be seeing him more often nowadays since he's back in town...and he's already dating someone else anyway...and i'm not even heartbroken about that...or has my heart learn how to lie to my mind so well that my mind can't even tell that my heart is lying? or is it the other way round? can your mind and heart really be dichotomized? sigh...i'm so screwed up....
Just saw my ex-roommate Sharan's FB status update...i quote: Today I asked John if he wanted to buy a Dreamcatcher for the bike. He said "No dear, i don't need a Dreamcatcher anymore since i already caught my dream, i caught you". awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (but i think he didnt want to spend money lah thats why)...quote end...hehe, that's so sweet and cute...so happy for her that she's happily married now...but can't help wondering when i'll catch my dream...if at all...
Saturday, May 8, 2010
A bizarre dream and a new phone
I had a bizarre dream again last night while i was napping before cell meeting...initially i was dreaming about me coming back to a squeaky clean house...apparently Jasmine has cleaned the house before cell meeting...but of course that was a dream and our house was still as messy as ever...and then it moved on to another scene...if you remembered i mentioned about the guy i dreamt about whom i kissed in the lift, well, he was in my dream again (let's call him the impossible guy)...and this time, we were on a boat off an island...of course there were other ppl as well...
And suddenly i heard that my latest ex-date was coming to join us...and i got scared and dived into the sea...but since i was neither Perseus nor any of Poseidon's offspring, i couldn't stay in the water for long...as i resurfaced, my impossible guy was there reaching out his hand to pull me up...and that was the 1st time he held my hand...and i didn't let go...and he didn't let go too...and it felt good...us holding hands...and my ex-date saw us...but my impossible guy asked me what are we supposed to tell my ex-date...i was like, nothing...and then we were walking on the beach...just the 2 of us...my impossible guy and me...and i woke up hitting my hand on the forehead several times... self-bashing myself for dreaming such an impossible dream...urgh!!!
Anyway, today was shopping day...after morning round, i went to CP to hunt for a new phone...didn't take too long...i saw some nokia phones...and 5130 caught my eye...and the price was within my budget...rm320...so i just bought it...it has a 2.0 megapixel camera, an MP3 player, radio, and a big enough screen...good enough for me...then i walked around and ended up buying a strapless long dress which i actually didn't need...but since it was rm150 and it looked good on me, i felt that i had to satisfy the bargain bug in me...well, i'm sure there'll be some weddings i could wear it to...
Back home now...still trying to get a hang of my new phone...going for high tea with Becky and Connie in a while...i love weekends without calls...hehe....
And suddenly i heard that my latest ex-date was coming to join us...and i got scared and dived into the sea...but since i was neither Perseus nor any of Poseidon's offspring, i couldn't stay in the water for long...as i resurfaced, my impossible guy was there reaching out his hand to pull me up...and that was the 1st time he held my hand...and i didn't let go...and he didn't let go too...and it felt good...us holding hands...and my ex-date saw us...but my impossible guy asked me what are we supposed to tell my ex-date...i was like, nothing...and then we were walking on the beach...just the 2 of us...my impossible guy and me...and i woke up hitting my hand on the forehead several times... self-bashing myself for dreaming such an impossible dream...urgh!!!
Anyway, today was shopping day...after morning round, i went to CP to hunt for a new phone...didn't take too long...i saw some nokia phones...and 5130 caught my eye...and the price was within my budget...rm320...so i just bought it...it has a 2.0 megapixel camera, an MP3 player, radio, and a big enough screen...good enough for me...then i walked around and ended up buying a strapless long dress which i actually didn't need...but since it was rm150 and it looked good on me, i felt that i had to satisfy the bargain bug in me...well, i'm sure there'll be some weddings i could wear it to...
Back home now...still trying to get a hang of my new phone...going for high tea with Becky and Connie in a while...i love weekends without calls...hehe....
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