The Return to CF...and a dysmenorrhoea-induced vasovagal attack...

I went to the USM’s CF yesterday…after a long long long time…since I left USM and started working in Sabah, I’ve never visited KB again till I came back here for Masters…and I’ve been wanting to check out the CF for the last 5 months plus...of course the first 4 months were quite impossible coz I was in HUSM…then I started my rotation in HKB and I’ve been meaning to go but somehow everytime Wednesdays 730pm come I’ll forget that I was supposed to go to CF…so yesterday I reminded myself the whole day that I had a date with God that evening…

And horrible me actually didn’t feel like going when the time has almost arrived…but I went anyway…and I’m glad I did…the CF is held at the Murni hall now…and we just sat on the floor on mats…we had praise and worship session like old times…and most of the songs we used to sing back then…and being in the Murni hall…brought back so much nostalgia…I was so moved during the worship session that tears were free-flowing…after all these years, I’m back where it all started…the place where I really found God…and how our hide-and-seek relationship really started…one where I kept hiding and He kept seeking and have always found me and brought me back to Him…

It’s been 5 years since I graduated…and I’ve stray away from Him uncountable times…just like Israel…and yet He has always brought me back to Him…and I’m just so amazed at how far He has brought me through…just like the line from the song “Through It All” that goes: “You’ll never let me go, through it all”…then we had a speaker from FES who gave us guides for bible study…sitting on the floor for almost an hour gave me such a butt ache and back ache that I realized I’m no longer as young as I used to be…

So I woke up this morning feeling a lot better…I’ve been down with a flu since Monday…went to work ready for my 4 consecutive calls in a row…we had clinic in the morning…my boss admitted 2 patients…one for I & D, another for T & S…was planning to do them after lunch…and thank God the flap case was postponed…coz then it would have been a longer day for me…anyway, just about half an hour before clinic ended, I had a bad attack of menstrual cramps…today was my 4^th day of menses…it has been happening on and off lately but the pain usually is self-resolving after about 10-15 minutes…

But after clinic, the pain was still there and seemed to be worsening…I thought I’d take a quick drive to get lunch and come back to the hospital to continue my work…walking to the car park was a challenge…but I managed…then halfway driving to Chinatown, I felt a vasovagal attack coming…I guess the severe dysmenorrhoea must have induced the vasovagal attack…and I have had history of vasovagal attacks during recovery from flu…short of total blackout, I had all the symptoms of turning cold and clammy, lips as pale as sheet, nauseous, hands trembling with tingling sensation, upper and lower limbs turning into jelly…I was praying that I would make it to some roadside where I could park before I totally blackout and crash into something….

Thank God I managed to find somewhere to park by the roadside…I thought resting a while until the wave has passed would help…but the pain and all the symptoms only got worse…the pain was so bad that I felt like defecating…so I had to go to a budget hotel which was just opposite the road where I parked to use the toilet…I was in the toilet for a good while…of course with defecation the pain was still there…so in the end I had to ask for help from the hotel people to send me back to the hospital…I didn’t think I could drive back there on my own without risking an accident which would only made matters worse…

So the nice couple drove me to the hospital…dropped me at the casualty, went to park my car and returned my car keys…I wanted to offer them cab money since they drove my car but the guy said he’ll get his friends to pick them up…really thank God for kind strangers…so I went into the triage, telling the staff there that I was a doctor who works in the hospital and I’m sick…they didn’t even bother to take my blood pressure at the triage…they sent me to the yellow zone and left me there to die…ok, so I’m being dramatic…I’m sure no one ever dies of pain-induced vasovagal attack…but from previous history, whenever I had vasovagal attacks, my blood pressure drops to as low as 60/30mmHg…and I need IV drips to go in fast to bring my BP back to normal…

Of course since they left me lying there for so long, by the time I called a student nurse to check my BP, it was 100/62 mmHg…I supposed my body has compensated…but the pain was still unbearable…I think I can imagine 1/10^th of a contraction pain now…and I’m definitely going for epidural childbirth…my menstrual cramps lasted probably an hour plus and I really thought I would die…while in pain, I called Kean Khang to see if he was in the hospital…coz I didn’t know how long more till the casualty MO would come to help me…and I needed pain relief real bad…thank God he was PM shift and he was free…

By the time he came to casualty, the casualty MO had just attended to me…so I told her I need drips and pain killers…and I’ll be fine…so Kean Khang tried to set an IV line on my right hand but failed…thank God the nursing coordinator managed to set a line on my left hand…coz all my veins were constricted and collapsed…usually, my veins are very prominent…then Kean Khang smuggled a dose of dynastat from OT for me…after that, my pain was gone and so were the other symptoms…of course the 2 pints drip helped too…in the end, I had to ask my colleague to take my call today…I really felt drained after the ordeal…I think I need to rest today so I can continue to be on call the next 3 days…very kind of my colleague to agree to help…

I felt really alone in my pain earlier…I cried out to the Lord to take the pain away but the pain only became worse…at that time I really wished I had someone beside me to hold my hand and tell me that everything was going to be alright…but I don’t have that someone…and I couldn’t hear God telling me that…but I was very grateful for Kean Khang…his presence made me felt less alone…and I felt that I still have friends who will come to my rescue when I need help…God bless him…and the kind couple who helped send me to the hospital…

Chicken Chop & Good Old Times....and El Camino de Santiago as my graduation gift...

I just came back from dinner with Kenneth and Daphne...had chicken chop for dinner...it's the famous one which we used to go to during our uni days...i just found out today that the owners have moved their shop...quite an upgrade from the shop they used to run their business...which i must say is a rare thing in KB...i guess business has been very good since i left KB 5 years ago...

As i ate my large portion of chicken chop, it brought back a lot of good memories...Alisa, Colleen, Chiew Ping and i used to go there for our dose of chicken chop/ fish and chips...or sometimes one of them would go out and ta pau back for dinner...and when i was with Kheng Wee, that used to be one of our regular dinner date spot...if we ever go out for dinner...Kheng Wee loved the chicken chop there...sometimes he would go on the bike all the way to town to ta pau chicken chop for both of us... ahhh, those were the good old times...

So much have stayed the same, yet so much have changed...but one thing's for sure...you can't go back to the past...so i have to seize the present....and look forward to the future...i've been listening to Corrinne May every so often as i can...and someone used her song "On My Way" as the song for her El Camino de Santiago journey in Youtube...i was curious about this El Camino de Santiago so i googled it...

What i found out totally inspired me...El Camino de Santiago is also known as The Way of St James...it's a pilgrimage where pilgrims make their journey from certain starting points to end at the Santiago de Compostella, the cathedral where it was believed that the remains of St James were buried...it's at a place called Santiago in Northern Spain...and the most popular starting point is from this place called St Jean Pied de Port, somewhere at the French side of the Pyrenees...from there, pilgrims travel by foot/ bicycle for 780km to their destination in Santiago...along the way, there are Alburgues or Refugios (hostels for pilgrims) where pilgrims can rest and exchange experience/ life stories with other pilgrims...when they've reached Santiago de Compostella, some pilgrims choose to continue their walk to Finisterre, which is by the beach...

And so, i have a dream...that is to go for El Camino de Santiago after i graduate from my master programme...it would be a graduation gift to myself...and i truly believe that it will be a purifying journey for me...not sure exactly what i expect to find...perhaps it will help renew my faith, help me to draw closer to God...whatever it is, it is definitely something that i will hold on to, to help me get through these next 4 years...Lord, may You bless Your daughter's desire...

Anyway, enough of dreaming and reverie for now...time to get back to studying...post call today...and i haven't been studying anything...one day wasted...oh dear...but i'm so not in the mood to study...Lord, help me to love anatomy....

Peach Girl and a trip down memory lane...

I was in Kota Bharu over the weekend...for my Masters Programme interview...which was on a Sunday...nothing shocking coz Kelantaneses work on Sundays and get off on Fridays...Anyway, flew to KB on Saturday morning....Suet Lai came to pick me up from the airport...then we went back to her place to put my stuffs and get Jacintha for breakfast...yea, it's a good thing to have friends doing masters there...got place to bunk in...and it's good to see old friends...

I started watching Peach Girl a few days ago...not the anime version...the Taiwanese version...and honestly, i wouldn't watch it in a million years, if it wasn't for Van Ness Wu...it's really a typical Taiwanese idol series...horrible acting (even Van Ness, but i guess that was his earlier days)...the other male lead is damn ugly...and there're so many bitch characters in the drama...anyway, was watching it on Suet Lai's Macbook to pass time...

So interview was...er...let's not talk about it...there were 6 of us being interviewed...which i found strange...coz there couldn't have been 6 applicants only...and out of the 6, only me and another Sikh girl were non-bumis...so i guess i can kinda figure out my chances of getting accepted...anyway, had lunch with Jacintha...then i asked her to drop me off at the campus...wanted to walk the corridors and paths which were once all-too-familiar to me but which were now strange and unfamiliar...

So many upgrades...so many new buildings built and being built...i walked to the library...which i used to go to borrow novels, hehe...didn't enter in case they asked for my pass, which i obviously wouldn't have...so i walked along some new buildings towards the main hall...so many fond memories of the main hall...where we had our Chinese New Year Nights...and saw the drums being dried under the sun....missed those drum practices...

Walked to the dorms where i used to stay...we had to move out of the old room and into a new room every year...like a yearly pilgrimage...so i actually stayed in 3 out of the 4 dorms during my 5 years in uni...went to the tennis court where i first caught the attention of my first 'mistake'...then was at the spot downstairs my 1st year dorm where i declined a romantic advancement...i'm glad i didn't accept it...coz then that guy wouldn't be happily married now to one of my good friend in uni...

Then went to my 2nd year dorm...took a photo of the table where my ex and i sat the night he expressed his romantic feelings to me...but honestly, i might have remembered the wrong table...hehe...but i'll always remember the night of the meteor shower...which we didn't get to see...they're building a new stadium at the old golf course...where my ex and i used to jog and have our ritual daily post dinner walk...wanted to walk around the golf course but it was too hot...

So i walked to the lecture halls...and along the corridors of the school...thinking how much things have changed over the last 4 years plus...although some things remained the same...but even if the buildings have remained the same, it was not the same campus that i used to study in...becoz we no longer belong to that place as we once did...and just like some things in life, once we've moved on, we can never go back to how we used to be...

I'll always treasure the memories i had from my campus days...but it's the future we have to live for...everyone has moved on...it's time for me to move on too...