可恶的男人。。。

我越看那个戏就越讨厌那个男生。。。真的很可恶。。。大骗子的混蛋。。。没良心没人性的死家伙。。。说什么 "你就是上天送给我最完美的圣诞礼物"。。。还有什么 "我会一直在你的身边。。。永远"。。。然后又在婚礼那天抛掉。。。不理是什么苦衷或原因， 也不可以一声不吭就消失阿。。。太不负责任啦。。。真的很想送几拳过去。。。如果真的遇到这样的人， 该咒他不得好死。。。让那个女的受那么
多苦。。。流那么多泪。。。本来还喜欢那个女的， 又假装冷漠狠心。。。这才是最没用的男人。。。胆小鬼。。。根本都不值得去爱。。。虽然就知道结局是那个没用的男人会跟那个女的在一起， 但我宁愿不是所谓的 happy ending。。。因为在现实上， 那个女的也不会傻傻的等那个男的三年。。。三年阿!!!! 等一个不告而别的死混蛋!!!! 不可能!!!! 真的气到我快要爆了啦。。。

爱， 无限。。。

正在看着一部偶像剧。。。其实没打算要看的。。。不过因为觉得很无聊， 所以就开始看了。。。爱， 无限的主题曲叫作 "我们都怕痛"。。。两段歌词好像在唱出我的心事。。。"我们都怕痛， 但又好像式者牵手， 两颗心， 隐藏在背后， 不敢承诺"。。。虽然不太喜欢潘玮柏的歌， 不过觉得这首满好听。。。戏里面的爱情故事有跟"红线"的传说有关。。。传说，只要月老在两个人的小指绑上了红线，这对恋人就注定会结为夫妻。。。

有时候，觉得命运在跟人们开玩笑。。。你心里深信是红线的另一半， 原来不是他。。。因为他根本对你没感觉。。。好了，那你终于遇见你真正命中注定的红线的另一半，因为某些太残忍的理由，又分开了。。。这不是命运在作弄吗? 戏还没看完。。。不过结局应该也是喜剧所谓的。。。

这戏也让我想， 错过的爱，其实是真的错过吗? 还是原本就不是你们俩的缘分? 比如说，你有一个很喜欢的人。。。你一直在等他希望有一天他会爱上你。。。其实他也早就喜欢你。。。但因为怕痛， 所以当你是朋友而已。。。过了很久， 你遇到了一个对你很好， 很关心你的人。。。他的关心超过朋友的关心。。。与你每次靠近他，心跳加速， 情绪紧张。。。那新的那个他才是你的缘分吗? 如果你等了很久的他终于鼓起勇气来告白他其实很爱你， 你又会感觉如何? 心里是否很矛盾? 还是你心里很坚定。。。过去就让他过去? 有新的爱情， 就要好好捉襟?

想和你们分享歌词。。。

我們都怕痛 (We're afraid of pain)

她說她再也不相信　真愛 (She said she no longer believes in true love)
我能給的安全感　也用完 (All the feelings of security i can give is all used up)
原本的孤單　已變成不安 (The initial loneliness has turned into turmoil)
像看穿卻又放不下　依賴 (It's like seeing through yet unable to let go off the dependence)

看著她低頭　勇敢牽著她就走 (Seeing her head bowed, bravely hold her hands and leave)
別怕　只要在一起就能穿越黑晝 (don't be afraid, as long as we're together we can overcome dark times)
她的眼睛說 愛太迷人卻猜不透 (her eyes said, love is too enchanting yet we're unable to see through it)
她的脆弱只有我能　看透 (I'm the only one who can see through her weakness)

我們都怕痛　但又好想試著牽手 (We're afraid of pain, but wish to try holding hands)
兩顆心　隱藏在背後　不敢承諾 (Two hearts hiding behind, do not dare to promise)
不想再難過　丟棄回憶重新來過 (Don't want to be grieved again, abandon memories to start over)
讓我永遠牽著妳　把手給我 (Let me hold your hands forever, give me your hand)

她說她再也不相信　真愛 (She said she no longer believes in true love)
我能給的安全感　也用完 (All the feelings of security i can give is all used up)
原本的孤單　已變成不安 (The initial loneliness has turned into turmoil)
想看穿卻又放不下　依賴 (It's like seeing through yet unable to let go off the dependence)

看著我低頭　她說她願跟我走 (Seeing my head bowed, she said she wishes to follow me)
好怕　讓她心碎的痛又反覆折磨 (So afraid to let her heart be broken and pain once again torment her)
我的眼睛說　笑或淚我都會守候 (My eyes said, i will guard both laughter and tears)
她是我唯一執著的執著 (She is the one and only i persevere for)

我們都怕痛　但又好想試著牽手 (We're afraid of pain, but wish to try holding hands)
兩顆心　隱藏在背後　不敢承諾 (Two hearts hiding behind, do not dare to promise)
不想再難過　丟棄回憶重新來過 (Don't want to be grieved again, abandon memories to start over)
讓我永遠牽著妳　把手給我 (Let me hold your hands forever, give me your hand)

我們都怕痛　但又好想試著牽手 (We're afraid of pain, but wish to try holding hands)
兩顆心　隱藏在背後　不敢為愛承諾 (Two hearts hiding behind, do not dare to promise for love)
不想再難過　丟棄回憶重新來過 (Don't want to be grieved again, abandon memories to start over)
讓我永遠牽著你　把手給我 (Let me hold your hands forever, give me your hand)

Surviving 7 successive EOD calls...and Butterfly Lovers...

Yesterday was Good Friday...and i finally finished my 7 successive EOD (every other day) calls this month...totally gave a new meaning to TGIF!...i guess i asked for it...was trying to finish up my leave since i'm leaving for masters soon...so i took 2 weeks off this month leaving me with only 2 working weeks...and each of us surgical MOs had to have 7 calls this month...hence my torturous 2 weeks...but yea, thank God that i survived without any mishap...

And i supposed watching 'Butterfly Lovers' aka 梁山伯与祝英台 helped me through these 2 weeks as well...been watching the 41 episode series which stars Peter Ho and Dong Jie (this is the newer version)...i've always loved this story...it's just too tragically romantic...and i love Peter Ho as 梁山伯... he's quite fitting in period stories like this...although his 欧辰 in 'Summer's Desire' is probably the best so far...i'm starting to watch another of his drama series called 'One Meter Sunshine'...old one...digging up all his older dramas...

Tomorrow's Easter...will be going to church...just have to make sure i don't wake up late...thinking of going to Tg Aru in the evening to watch the sunset...if it doesn't rain...

泡沫之夏。。。

我不会写这故事的简介。。。如果要知道这部电视剧是关于什么那就自己去看。。。肯定不后悔。。。我只想写关于何润东的角色"欧辰"。。。我真的爱上了"欧辰"。。。我从来没有为第二男主角流那么多泪。。。他对女主角"夏沫"的深情与真爱已经打动我的心了。。。这应该是我为何润东的角色哭了第二次。。。之前是"情定爱琴海" 的角色。。。现在又是"泡沫之夏"。。。

虽然"欧辰"不是完美。。。他的确用了蛮卑鄙的手段来得到"夏沫"。。。但因为深刻的爱，他慢慢改。。。他本身很霸道。。。不过到最后他还是选择还"夏沫"她的自由。。。"欧辰"在心里告诉"夏沫":我是你的，而你是自由的"。。。然后就留给"夏沫"他签好的离婚书。。。还好"夏沫"没签。。。虽然"欧辰"知道"夏沫"并不爱他，每次"夏沫"被欺负他都会守护着她。。。保护她。。。虽然他好几次都用钱来解决问题。。。

不过，他也捐了他的肾给"夏沫"的弟弟。。。虽然他本来是用这个理由来让"夏沫"嫁给他。。。到最后"欧辰"选择离开为了让"夏沫"跟她喜欢的人在一起。。。他留了一封告别信给"夏沫"。。。他说: 夏沫， 当你看到这封信的时候， 我已经在飞往法国的航班上了。。。我没办法对你说出要离开。。。只有写这封信。。。最近我一遍遍地回想起我们的过去。。。记得第一次遇到你的时候， 你勇敢的张开双臂。。。拦在我的车前。。。也许听起来有点可笑。。。十四岁的我竟然从那一刻起，就喜欢上了你。。。如果能够我想要将你藏起来。。。不让任何人看到你。。。不让任何人碰你。。。你渐渐长大，越来越有光芒。。。我开始担心。。。害怕有人会发现你。。。会将你从我的身边夺走。。。我担心的事情成真了。。。那个人终于出现了。。。你对那个叫洛熙的男孩子有者不寻常的感情。。。我很嫉妒。。。所以我把他赶走。。。不允许他在你的身边多停留一秒。。。五年后，失忆的我不记得你。。。但却又再次地被你吸引，爱上了你。。。这一次我还是犯下了同样的错误。。。我的占有却没有减少。。。反而变本加厉。。。其实我曾经有动摇想要将自由还给你。。。可是看着你温柔的笑容，我们像一家人一样生活在一起，我舍不得离开你。。。哪怕自私，也想永远和你在一起。。。可是从究我是错的。。。小澄去世的时候，如果是洛熙在你的身边，是你喜欢的他守候者你，为了他，你一定不会绝望到崩溃吧? 想我这样的人，上天竟然也眷顾我。。。你的腹中有了我们的宝宝。。。这让你从新振作起来。。。也让我又一次开始了挣扎。。。我知道家人对于你的意义。。。为了宝宝，你会永远留在我的身边。。。会努力去忘记那个人的影子。。。只是你的人生应该和喜欢的人在一起，这才是真正原本的幸福啊。。。所以我走了。。。我是宝宝的父亲，无论未来你做出什么样的决定，你和宝宝永远都是我最爱的人。。。

听到这些话， 我真的泪流成河了。。。如果是我，我一定会爱上了"欧辰"。。。幸好结局还是我所要的。。。"夏沫"追上了"欧辰"而告诉他，"我已经爱上你了"。。。然后他们就吻了对方。。。如果我生命里有个"欧辰"那就太好了。。。他不需要像"欧辰"那么有钱，只要他像"欧辰"深深的爱着我，我就很幸福了。。。该睡了。。。可能在梦境里会遇到他。。。

Bad call and drama...

Lately my calls have been "Jonah calls"....and yesterday wasn't an exception...not that any patient died...but i was awake till 530am trying to settle a urology patient...if i did believe in past life, i must have been a mean and horrible urologist...that's why i'm paying this life by suffering urology mess...and maybe i'm getting delusional...but i'm convinced that the urology HO on call last night was all set to ensure that i have a bad call...and maybe there are more HOs out there who are conspiring as well...hahahaha, i must be having post call delirium...that's why i'm not making sense...

Didn't go to church this morning...would have been sleeping throughout the sermon anyway if i went...came back home and bathed instead...and slept till lunch...then went for lunch at Becky's place...came home and started my drama marathon on youtube..currently i'm watching a China production called "Love of the Aegean Sea"...not too interested in the lead actors...watching it coz i had an inspiration about going to Greece...thanks to Sharan, my ex-roomie in uni...anyway, i'm finding this drama a bit draggy...and i can't stand the male lead coz he's such a wuss...and the female lead has a perpetual "my father just died" look regardless of whether she is or isn't with the male lead...quite annoying...

I love the 2nd male lead though...truth be told, i've always had the affinity towards the 2nd male leads in almost every drama i've watched...after all, i'm in the same boat too...so i can relate...that's why i root for 2nd male leads...i guess it's coz the guy's love for the female lead is so amazingly persevering...even though the female lead will never end up with him (except for Peach Girl), the guy never stops loving the girl...i don't cry for the male and female lead...but i cry for the 2nd male lead...but in reality, a guy like that doesn't exist...i was telling a guy friend about it and he totally affirmed it...if there was a guy who would fight for my love and persevere that long in his love for me, i'll definitely be touched and want to be with him...

Unfortunately, love like that is hard to come by (or non-existant)...i supposed that's why i'm still waiting...but i'm afraid i may be waiting in vain...still, perhaps one day i will meet the guy who is worthy of my love and whose love i'm worthy of...till then, i should focus on my Greece trip...i even have a title for it...Chapter 30: I dream of Greece...i guess i should sleep now and start dreaming about Greece...

Another Chinese New Year and another drama series...

I'm back in KL...i know i was just back in KL about 2 weeks ago...but it's CNY...so have to come back to KL...somehow as i grow older, CNY feels less festive...maybe it's coz my grandparents are all deceased now...so there's no more 'balik kampung' experience for me anymore...i missed the times when we used to go back to Taiping and Penang (though i've always hated being in Penang during CNY)...i guess the reason why i still come back to KL for CNY is coz if i didn't, i'll be alone in KK...there's a line from Ding Dang's new song called "Half" (typing from home PC, no NJ Star to type Chinese) that goes: festive season always remind me that i'm lonely...how apt...will share about that song another day...

Anyway, i finished another Taiwanese drama series yesterday...it's called "Knock Knock Loving You" (well at least that's how it's translated, can't copy and paste the Chinese title here, dunno why)...of course the only reason why i watched this one was because Ming Dao acted in it...although he wasn't the guy who ended up with the girl...but this series has more depth than the typical idol series..though the whole series revolved around filthy rich ppl...but it was still worth the watch...could really relate to the female lead character...she liked the male lead but never revealed her feelings...she put up a cold and strong front...but she did everything she could to help the guy... from his business to his personal life, she was always there by his side...having grown up in a family where she was unloved, she felt she was not capable of loving anyone...which was why she kept her feelings for the guy to herself...and Ming Dao was the other guy who liked her...really felt sad for Ming Dao's character...coz he's like her as well...and he was willing to do anything to win her heart...except that the methods he used against his love rival were pretty unscrupulous...

Met up with Cam and Kian Ming tonight...it's good to meet up with old friends...haven't been doing enough of that...it's almost 2am now...should get some sleep...but i've just loaded another series...hehe...watch a bit first...then sleep...later going for a movie...The Green Hornet...just curious...wanna watch Jay Chou speak English...hehe...

下一站，幸福

今天是新年的第八天。。我就看完了一部偶像剧。。这部叫"下一站，幸福"。。这个戏真的让我太投入了。。连觉都不肯睡。。饭也不愿吃。。只是一直要看下一幕慕橙和光晞的感情会有怎样的发展。。连我 on call 时候都一直想到戏里面的每一幕。。我觉得看了几部偶像剧，这部的吻景是最炽热的。。那个吴建豪真的很会吻女人阿。。

我看了那么多天就哭了那么多天。。真的有太多让人感动的景。。还有最可爱的小小彬。。真的很懂事有会帮慕橙跟光晞拉近。。主题歌又好听。。尤其是丁当的 ‘亲人’ 和品冠的‘我以为’。。我知道在电影的爱情故事是不可能发生在现实里。。但如果这样的真爱能活在现实里。。那有多好呢。。一个能给对方勇气变更好的爱。。一个虽然失忆但过了六年还能反复回忆的爱。。一个六年前分开但六年候命运还让对方碰面的爱。。if i can find a love that beat against all odds, that even the heavens intervene to bring us together despite people and circumstances trying to tear us apart, no matter how much tears shed or how much pain endured, it'll still be all worth it...and i'll still be the happiest person in the world...

哈哈，不会用华文表达所以就用英文了。。但有时候我不明白。。为什么我们越爱一个人就会越伤到他? 明明是为他好却又伤害他。。还有剧里面很常有不顾一切去爱主角的配角。。却主角的真爱是另一个。。我真的很希望我这一辈子不是注定作配角而已。。我不甘愿。。我宁愿我爱情故事的书页是空白也不要一辈子当配角。。

结局的一幕，慕橙跟光晞说: "其实呢， 不管到哪里都可以， 因为只要有你的那一站， 就是幸福的"。。真的很感人以浪漫阿。。然后呢， 它们就吻了。。那个吻真的让人羡慕。。唉。。我今年快要三十岁了。。希望我的下一站是幸福的。。要跟你们分享丁当的 ‘亲人’。。我又试看翻译华文去英文...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcY75hwb_Ls&feature=related

別打開 禮物的緞帶 (don't untie the gift's satin ribbon)
最初充滿期待 最後都腐敗 (initially full of expectation, in the end became rotten)
別打開 午夜的電臺 (don't switch on the midnight radio station)
別讓情歌反覆再愚弄 (don't allow love song to deceive once again)

而愛 (and love)
並沒有教給我生存 (did not teach me how to live on)
只教我交易虛榮給天真 (it only taught me to trade innocence for vanity)
可是愛 (but love)
讓我們變成陌生人 (has allowed us to become strangers)
卻變不了更高尚的靈魂 (but cannot transform us into more noble souls)

不要吻我 只要抱著我 (don't kiss me, only embrace me)
不要愛我 做我的親人 (don't love me, become my loved one)
把手借我 一天一分鐘 (lend me you hand, a minute a day)
做我最親密的親人 (be my most intimate loved one)
不是誰的情人 誰的某某某 (not whose lover or whose so and so)

就算我 全身濕透透 (even if my whole body is completely wet)
我也不再被誰 牽著鼻子走 (i won't let anyone lead me by the nose again)
如果我 還握住拳頭 (if i'm still clenching my fist)
可能我怕我的夢飛走 (perhaps i'm afraid that my dreams will fly away)

而愛 (and love)
並不如你想的萬能 (is not as omnipotent as you thought)
不能讓我們不再戰爭 (cannot let us stop fighting)
可是愛 (but love)
連慈悲也沒多慈悲 (does not even show more mercy)
誰愛越深越容易被犧牲 (whoever love more is easier to be sacrificed)

不要吻我 只要抱著我 (don't kiss me, only embrace me)
不要愛我 做我的親人 (don't love me, become my loved one)
把手借我 一天一分鐘 (lend me your hand, a minute a day)
讓我還敢做我的夢 (allow me to still dare to dream)
做我夢中偉大的微笑的英雄 (become the great and smiling hero in my dream)

败犬女王

最近看了一部偶像剧。。败犬女王。。突然觉得我是一个败犬。。却我并不是什么女王。。也不是什么公主。。女主角叫做单无双。。男主角叫做陆卡斯。。男跟女有八年的距离。。这就是一部关于姐弟恋的故事。。虽然很浪漫也感人但我一直在想: 不要!!!不要让我得另一半比我小。。这是我最恐怕会发生在握身上的事。。也许这样上帝就会安排如此。。哈哈哈。。

说到女的。。她是一个脾气坏又挣扎力强的女人。。什么都要第一名。。什么都要赢别人。。一个独一无二的女强人。。卡斯叫他"鳖女"。。因为他表面上看起来很硬。。不过内心很脆弱。。说到男的了，他虽然外表很顽皮。。但其实很温馨真心又成熟与负责任。。无双的前男友叫做宋允浩。。他六年前因为意想不到的意外而没回来跟无双结婚。。而卡斯的前女友，汉向运。。她在两年前因为冲浪意外以去世了。。虽然两个人来自不同的世界不同的年代不同的悲伤。。命中还是注定它们俩会碰面。。

像每部爱情故事，它们第一次碰到就吵吵闹闹了。。第一次遇见是在平安夜。。唉! 今天就是平安夜了。。是否我的命中注定会出现么?。。我的想象力也太强了。。哈哈哈。。怎么可能?。。我今天 on call 阿。。没碰到就没相识，没吵架就不会相爱。。每次无双遇到困难，卡斯就会出现来救她，保护她。。当它们刚发现已经爱上了对方，前男友又回来。。因为发现允浩在六年前为了赶回来跟她结婚以受伤，无双因为报恩所以选择允浩。。不过允浩看的到其实无双已经不爱他了。。在婚礼
前一天，允浩遇到哪个无双的相亲公司的co-ordinator。。她告诉允浩: "男人说谎是为了自己好，女人说谎是为了对方好， 我们不是故意的，是我们没有勇气去伤害我们深爱的人" 。。这段话让我想起我和前男友的分手理由。。我因为说实话以伤害了他，那是算我勇敢么?。。所以在它们婚礼当天，允浩取消了婚礼。。他说: "可是那一个也许你哪里都不想去，什么事都不用做，即使不结婚你也想赖在他身边的人， 即使没有规划， 没有未来，全世界的人都阻止你， 你还是想跟他在一起那个
人，才是你真正想要的，可惜那个人不再是我"。。他真的太伟大了。。

就这样，女王又被摔第二次。。还是同一个人。。而伤心的卡斯就去了夏威夷完全他的冲浪梦想。。然后又回去大学读医科。。悲伤的卡斯曾对无双说: 我不会为一个没有希望的感情念念不忘。。所以我跟我自己说: 我不会喜欢一个不会喜欢我的人。。因为这样太痛苦了。。我没那么坚强。。半年后，卡斯回来找无双。。他默默的跟无双去单车旅行。。然后就像奇迹出现在无双的眼前。。无双说: 这条线是分开我们八年的距离， 你看好了， 我现在就要跨过去了。。哇! 真的是太感动了。。哭到我便熊猫了。。不要以为这样就结束了。。在我们现实的社会，姐弟恋会面对很多的考验, 别人的讪笑。。 让无双没有安全感， 没有自信。。为了无聊的事情吵架。。不过通过了很多事情， 它们的爱情越来越深。。也许真爱真的足够让两个人在一起。。在戏里面，平常都会有喜剧煞尾。。现实还有很长的路要走下去。。虽然我的奇迹还没出现， 但若我相信这现实的世界有真爱的，那我就会找到属于我的真爱啦。。不过我还是不要看那么多偶像剧了。。戏里面的男主角太浪漫， 太懂女人的心了。。还是不要想太多。。晚了。。睡觉了。。主你们圣诞节快乐。。晚
安。。

A Drama worthy of an episode in Grey's Anatomy?

Yesterday was really quite an exciting call...as usual the day was pretty mundane...i found out that the fish bone uncle died at midday on Monday...and i also found out that his sepsis didn't just set in within 2 days...apparently he had been in a district hospital for a week before he was finally referred to Queen...yes, me such a poor history obtainer...

So anyway, apparently i'm destined for dramatic night life when i'm on call...whole day i didn't have any admission...about 8pm plus, my boss in the elective OT called to enquire about the availability of ICU bed..apparently an elective splenectomy went wrong...17 year-old girl with a huge spleen and liver...liver was accidentally torn on mobilization...bled bled bled and bled...got the spleen out (i saw the spleen...it was a foot long) and packed the liver in the hopes of stopping the bleeding... patient came to ICU about 9pm...initially BP and pulse looked quite stable...but she was pale as sheet... managed to get 2 more pints of packed cell and 1 DIVC cycle...so was transfusing like mad...but then her pulse kept increasing and her BP kept dropping....started on IV noradrenaline and the dose kept going up and yet unable to maintain her BP...and she was becoming paler as i watched her...shit!!! she was still bleeding...called the surgical MO on call who came and scanned splenectomy girl's abdomen...damn!!! free fluid in the abdomen...

Had to prepare her for op again...good thing i already sent for another round of bloods and blood products...but even cross-matching had to take an hour...got splenectomy girl to OT about 12am... managed to get her 4 pints of packed cell and another cycle of DIVC regime...as if trying to stop her bleeding liver and resuscitating her wasn't dramatic enough, one of the surgical MO had to collapse halfway through the op...too bad i wasn't there to witness the drama...but from reliable sources, i heard he apparently had some kind of 'fit' and went unconscious...what i had problem believing was that everyone rushed to this surgical MO's aid while leaving the splenectomy girl bleeding intra-op...but the surgical MO woke up and thank God it wasn't the splenectomy girl's time to go yet...after the surgical consultant came in and spray coagulate the bleeding part of the liver and re-packed it, the bleeding seemed secured...

Splenec girl came back to ICU close to 3am...on maximum double inotropes now..they've transfused practically all the bloods intra-op and she actually looked pink again...continued to transfuse the remaining DIVC cycle...managed to taper down the inotropes...i supposed the bleeding has stopped since by about 5am we've managed to off all inotropes and her BP was stable at around 105/60mmHg and her pulse hovered between 125-130 bpm...but being the paranoid i am, i didn't go to sleep till about 6am...finally convinced that she's no longer actively bleeding...

Got up at 8am and went out to see splenec girl...still pink...BP and pulse still stable..phew!!! you have no idea how relieved i was...handed over to the MO on call today...went for breakfast...then came home and crashed till 5.30pm just now...sigh...i don't know how much more of such dramatic night life i can handle...