Back home for Chinese New Year...

So i got through another week of free flap frenzy...2 free flaps in one week...which was quite bearable since we've had 4 free flaps in a week previously...got off work a bit earlier on Thursday evening coz my train back to KL was at 7pm...showered, last minute packing and then found out my phone got cut (cos apparently our account has reached its credit limit)...good thing Karen came on time to pick me up...but there was this stupid jam on the way to the train station...so i fretted...coz i ain't gonna miss the train...i was getting the hell out of KB that night no matter what...thank God we made it in time...and the train was delayed anyway...

Boarded the train about 720pm...ate my dinner....and slept at 8pm plus...only got up to answer nature's calls...although i kept getting awakened whenever the train stopped...but still, at least i could sleep...reached KL Sentral about 9am Friday morning...by then my phone was back on...called mom and bro came with her to pick me up...got home to get Pei and we went to Puchong for dim sum...yummy! first porky meal of the new year...char siew pau never tasted so good...and i was craving for lau sa pau just a few days back and i got to eat it...ahhh, God is good...

Went for grocery shopping with mom, bro and Pei in the afternoon...bought some baby stuffs for Colleen's Olivia (need the parent's name for contrast since Ernest's daughter will be named Olivia as well)...went out to yum cha with Cam and Wei Yew at Chatime (Cam's favourite) at Sri Petaling after dinner...it was good to catch up...we stayed till about 1030pm...then i sent Cam home and went home...

Was reading some journal articles for my case report while waiting for Ah Lok to get home and call me...and was listening to this song by Joshua Radin called "The Fear You Won't Fall"...nice and mellow...and melancholic...Ah Lok said that song describes our situation perfectly...anyway, we chatted till about 330am...and i got awakened by a call from the stupid hospital at 930am...urgh!!!! like i thought they should know how to call the on call MO and i'm obviously not on call...idiots!

Been spending the whole day doing my case report...got the introduction and discussion done...hope it's adequate...part of the case report is done as well...just need to add the operative details when i get back to KB...need the patient's folder for that...that shouldn't take too long...need to hand it in soon...before the supervisor comes chasing for it again...sigh, despite the holiday, i still need to prepare my case report, presentations and study...Lord, help me to be discipline and finish my work and study...

It's good to be home...

I'm back home in KL since early Wednesday morning...took the Tuesday night bus back from KB...and honestly, i've never felt so good being back home...back when i was in KK, i'd only come home when necessary...now, even coming back home is a welcome relief from the hellhole i've been in...don't get me wrong...KB isn't a bad place to be in...but my working environment is a little too hostile for me...my work life is an analogy to Cinderella's life...day till night it's work work work...and just when i think i'm done, there's more work work work...but instead of ugly stepsisters, i have evil stepbrothers...who seem to find satisfaction in burdening others with yokes that even they found hard to bear...and while Cinderella actually made it to the royal ball, i don't even have one to attend...and there ain't no Prince Charming coming after me with my glass slipper...

So i was out for lunch and then shopping with my elder sis, niece, mom and aunt...i felt so free of burden...we had Japanese food for lunch in Pavillion...then shopped for a while at Parkson where i bought Dibo the gift dragon for Sylvia...which was kind of like a bribe to make her happy so she would follow us adults shopping without whining...plus, after that she was all friends with me when prior to that she won't even talk to me...then we went to Lot 10...shopped a little and then went back to Pavillion for Baskin Robbins...it was Pink Wednesday so we all had 2 scoops of ice-cream for the price of one...thanks to my pink-loving sis, niece and mom...ice-cream never tasted so good...didn't get anything for myself in the end...but i haven't felt this great since i started masters about 2 months ago...

I was telling my mom about my hellish life...and i told her if i failed my 1st year, i'm going to quit the bloody programme and go back to KKM and become a chronic MO...there's always my Cameron Highlands plan B...and for the 1st time in my entire life, ma actually told me i should fail my exam on purpose or just quit and come back home...ma and pa have always expected their children to get nothing less than As in their exams...really, ppl who've known me all my life know that i'm not a quitter...i've always finished (or at least try real hard to do so) what i've started...i've climbed Mt Kinabalu 4 times...and completed the via ferrata in 5 hours (ok, so that wasn't the fastest time but i wasn't the reason why we took that long)...and although i did cry while crossing that bloody hanging bridge but cross it i did...

But 2 months plus into this whole master thingy and i'm contemplating about quitting...i really don't know how much longer i can go on with this hellhole...i know i've been spoilt with wonderful bosses back in KK...and i don't expect the ppl i'm working with now to be all praises about me...but i'm already working like a dog to finish up the works that nobody wants to do and still go to OT on time (and no, i don't go to OT just to show that i am interested...i am bloody interested)...so the least these ppl can do is not make me feel like i'm a lazy ass who has no interest in the bloody programme...i mean, the way they are going, i'm sure my lawyer friends can help me sue them for mental and emotional abuse...the only reason why i'm doing plastic surgery is so that i can repair cleft lips and palates...so that i can go for missions to places in need of my service...i'm not even doing it for the so-called glamour...why does it have to be so difficult?

I'm just so tired and overwhelmed...i think i've cried so much this last 2 months that the amount of tears i've shed have surpassed that of which i've shed for all the taiwanese drama series i've watched...i really wonder if all this suffering is necessary or even worth it...maybe i should just quit and come back home and concentrate on getting myself married off...yes, i am that demoralized....Lord, if this is really what You want me to do, then please give me the strength and courage to go through the next 4 years...if not, then please give me a sign to tell me i should quit...Amen...