I'm back home in KL since early Wednesday morning...took the Tuesday night bus back from KB...and honestly, i've never felt so good being back home...back when i was in KK, i'd only come home when necessary...now, even coming back home is a welcome relief from the hellhole i've been in...don't get me wrong...KB isn't a bad place to be in...but my working environment is a little too hostile for me...my work life is an analogy to Cinderella's life...day till night it's work work work...and just when i think i'm done, there's more work work work...but instead of ugly stepsisters, i have evil stepbrothers...who seem to find satisfaction in burdening others with yokes that even they found hard to bear...and while Cinderella actually made it to the royal ball, i don't even have one to attend...and there ain't no Prince Charming coming after me with my glass slipper...
So i was out for lunch and then shopping with my elder sis, niece, mom and aunt...i felt so free of burden...we had Japanese food for lunch in Pavillion...then shopped for a while at Parkson where i bought Dibo the gift dragon for Sylvia...which was kind of like a bribe to make her happy so she would follow us adults shopping without whining...plus, after that she was all friends with me when prior to that she won't even talk to me...then we went to Lot 10...shopped a little and then went back to Pavillion for Baskin Robbins...it was Pink Wednesday so we all had 2 scoops of ice-cream for the price of one...thanks to my pink-loving sis, niece and mom...ice-cream never tasted so good...didn't get anything for myself in the end...but i haven't felt this great since i started masters about 2 months ago...
I was telling my mom about my hellish life...and i told her if i failed my 1st year, i'm going to quit the bloody programme and go back to KKM and become a chronic MO...there's always my Cameron Highlands plan B...and for the 1st time in my entire life, ma actually told me i should fail my exam on purpose or just quit and come back home...ma and pa have always expected their children to get nothing less than As in their exams...really, ppl who've known me all my life know that i'm not a quitter...i've always finished (or at least try real hard to do so) what i've started...i've climbed Mt Kinabalu 4 times...and completed the via ferrata in 5 hours (ok, so that wasn't the fastest time but i wasn't the reason why we took that long)...and although i did cry while crossing that bloody hanging bridge but cross it i did...
But 2 months plus into this whole master thingy and i'm contemplating about quitting...i really don't know how much longer i can go on with this hellhole...i know i've been spoilt with wonderful bosses back in KK...and i don't expect the ppl i'm working with now to be all praises about me...but i'm already working like a dog to finish up the works that nobody wants to do and still go to OT on time (and no, i don't go to OT just to show that i am interested...i am bloody interested)...so the least these ppl can do is not make me feel like i'm a lazy ass who has no interest in the bloody programme...i mean, the way they are going, i'm sure my lawyer friends can help me sue them for mental and emotional abuse...the only reason why i'm doing plastic surgery is so that i can repair cleft lips and palates...so that i can go for missions to places in need of my service...i'm not even doing it for the so-called glamour...why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm just so tired and overwhelmed...i think i've cried so much this last 2 months that the amount of tears i've shed have surpassed that of which i've shed for all the taiwanese drama series i've watched...i really wonder if all this suffering is necessary or even worth it...maybe i should just quit and come back home and concentrate on getting myself married off...yes, i am that demoralized....Lord, if this is really what You want me to do, then please give me the strength and courage to go through the next 4 years...if not, then please give me a sign to tell me i should quit...Amen...
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