The 12 days of New Year...

So today is the 12th day of the New Year...which also meant i've already been working 2 weeks in 'hell' again...although the grass is no longer green...and life is no longer as good as the last 3 months, i really thank God that it hasn't been the 'hell' i've been expecting...but then again, the flap frenzy has not started yet...i might be singing a different tune when it does...

Still, after only 2 weeks, i'm already tired...and feeling a little low...must be the lack of sun exposure...but i really praise the Lord that my past few calls have been amazingly good...if not, i'd probably feel worse...yesterday was GA OT day...i thought i wouldn't be able to go to CF coz i expected a long day...but miraculously the last case got cancelled and i managed to go to CF...albeit a bit late...and despite the talk lasting almost 2 hours, i miraculously made it through the whole talk without falling asleep within the 1st half hour...God is so amazing...

I liked what the speaker quoted from CS Lewis...he said: Sin is man telling God, "go away! leave me alone!"...and hell is God's reply to man saying, "have your wish"...i couldn't help nodding in agreement...this concept is quite liberating for me when it comes to the question, why is there hell if God is a loving and compassionate God...He didn't create hell with the intention to torture His children...but we choose hell when we do not choose God's love...because really, without God's love, life is hell...you don't even have to wait till afterlife...and therefore i should not call the place/condition i am in now 'hell' since i know God's love is with me...

Saw a link which a friend put up on FB...it was Jason Mraz's new song called 'I won't give up'...i was intrigued...so i listened to it...and i loved it...i really liked the idea of the song...how this guy won't give up on his hope for 'us' with the girl....in this twisted hopeless romantic mind of mine, i felt like this song sang of the feeling of a certain guy for me...yup, i've got my head too far up in the clouds...getting quite delusional...anyway, here's the link:

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up

So the new year has started off quite bearable...i guess if you were expecting the worse, anything less than worse is really not bad at all...i just pray that when things do get worse, i would still be holding on to God and trust in Him to help me through tough times...so here's to 2012...have a great one...even if the world ends...

Blessed 2011...now to prepare for 2012...

So somewhere beginning of this month i joined a contest to win 6 months free facial...and i tried every legal and ethical measure i could to bid for votes...got my friends to help share my photo to ask their friends to vote for me...i messaged every FB friend i had (which were less than 500)...and then Cam found out the other girl who had more 'likes' on her photo had 4004 friends in her FB account...and i thought, yea, i give up...there's no way i could win even if all my friends voted for me...it'd be a miracle if i won...

The day after i came back from Singapore, Urban Essentials put up the top 3 finalists with their number of valid votes...and what do you know? despite the other girl having more 'likes' on her pic, my valid votes were still more...and yesterday, they announced the winner...i won!!! a miracle!!! God is so good...i'm so grateful to Him and all my friends who've shared my photo and voted for me...and also to my friends' friends who voted for me....

One of my 2011 resolution was to get a new camera...i wanted either a sony alpha nex or a panasonic lumix gf for Christmas...Ah Lok decided that he wanted to get me a sony alpha nex 5...he had quite a hard time trying to buy it for me...coz the model that i wanted was limited in stock...i thought i wasn't getting my camera this year...i didn't mind waiting till next year CNY...but then he gave me a surprise...special delivery to KB...in person...soooo happy!!!! God is really too good to me...for sending angels into my life to remind me of how much He loves me...

A friend asked if it was a 'special' friend who gave me my new camera...i replied, i'm not sure how to define our friendship...last night i actually dreamt about Ah Lok...the dream was quite disturbing...i dreamt that we were in a car...his parents were in the front seats and we were in the back seats...wasn't sure what the ongoing conversation was all about, what car we were in, where we were going...i just remembered that along the way, he took my hand and held it...under normal conscious circumstances, i think i would have pulled my hand away...but in my dream, i let him hold my hand...is my subconscious trying to tell me something? i don't know...perhaps it's better not to dwell into it too much...not exactly in the right state of mind to even consider a relationship...and my deepest fear is that i would not be able to love anyone with all my heart and soul...not with so much uncertainties in my life at the moment...

The last week of 2011 has been an overwhelming week of blessings and miracles...but i'm so carnal...the ungrateful brat in me actually thinks that maybe God is 'fattening' me up for the slaughterhouse coz come tomorrow, January 1st, i'll be back in HUSM...and i'm so afraid despite me being so grateful now for His love, blessings and miracles, when things go awry on Sunday, it'll be so easy for me to turn and shout at Him for not being there for me...and that it'll be so easy for me to forget all the wonderful blessings and miracles i experienced just the week before...that suddenly 'last year' would seem so faraway...

Lord, please help me to remember Your goodness...despite what the New Year may bring...help me to surrender everything into Your hands...that i may trust that You're carrying me on Your wings when my whole world seems to be falling apart, Lord...You have never forsaken me...and You never will...all You need is my Amen...may You always have my Amen, Lord...Happy New Year 2012!!!