Defying Gravity...

Thursday was a mixture of drama and miracle...some idiot decided to create Everests out of anthills...and i was the unwitting scapegoat...suddenly i just felt like i've had enough of all this stupidity...all this politics and hypocrisy...can't help thinking that i should stir up trouble so that i have an excuse to quit...

And i woke up on Friday morning from a dream...which normally would have sent shivers down my spine and caused me to wake up screaming, crying and soaked in sweat...i dreamt that i failed my exam...instead i actually felt relieved and happy...i felt that it was a good sign...if i failed my exam then i have a good reason to quit...yea, screw it!! i'm outta here...

And then i opened my FB and saw a friend's link with one of the song from WICKED: the musical...it's the song by Elphaba, "Defying Gravity"...when she started to fly...and i could relate to Elphie...how she was such a nice and loving person but was used by the establishment and when she rebelled, they outcast her and labelled her 'wicked'....when i first watched the musical and heard Rachel Tucker sang this song at Apollo Victoria Theatre, tears were flowing down from my eyes...it was so touching and inspiring....

And i listened to it again...this time, the rock version by Kerry Ellis...thought it was great for dancing...the energy and spirit were so inspiring...and i checked out the lyrics...the song lyrics and the lyrics from the musical are slightly different...but both versions still made my spirit want to break free...anyway, sharing the Kerry Ellis rock version here (though i think Rachel Tucker is a better Elphaba):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P-cMh4QjYA&feature=fvst

And here are the lyrics:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't bring me down
Mmm-mmm

I'm through accepting limits
Cos someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at
Much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited
My future is unlimited
And I just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know
It sounds truly crazy
And, true, the vision's hazy
But I can see it
I can feel it
I swear I'll be so high
yeah yeah

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me
ah yeah

It's time to try defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me
You won't bring me down

Here's to standing up for your rights/faith/beliefs/convictions!!! time to break free and defy gravity!!!

Missing you...

I woke up this morning, well aware that my beloved is halfway across the world from where i am...suddenly the song 'Leaving on a Jetplane' was playing in my head...did some lyrical adjustment to the song to fit my mood of the day...dedicated to the one who's faraway (but hopefully not the one who got away)...missing you...

All his bags are packed, he's ready to go
Wish he's standing here outside my door
Wish he would wake me up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
The plane is waiting, it's taking off
Already i'm so lonesome, i could cry

So kiss me, i'll smile for you
Know that i will wait for you
Hold me like you'll never let me go

Cos he's leaving on a jetplane
Don't know when he'll be back again
Oh babe, i hate to let you go.....

There're more to the lyrics...but i think i won't go to the part about the wedding ring...yet...hehe...ok, back to studying...

好朋友只是朋友

听过这首歌好几次了。。。第一次听到就对这首歌很有熟悉感。。。也让我眼泪想流下来了。。。不可能是唱出我感情的重点吧? 难道我还是带着希望吗? 歌词都说了: 好朋友只是朋友 不能够占有。。。朋友再好也不能牵手。。。想跟你们分享歌词和MV。。。

《好朋友只是朋友》 - 郁可唯

聽你說什麽我都很快樂
接近你連影子都微笑著
幾千隻紙鶴你都耐心地陪著我折
卻怎麽都折不掉那道無形的隔閡
越懂你陪著你就越寂寞
靈魂那麽美我卻碰不得
感覺再熾熱也不能讓飛蛾去撲火
靠近你的夢難道就能不失落
好朋友只是朋友 還是朋友
不能夠佔有
好朋友瘋狂以後
就一個人走 無所求
好朋友只是朋友
只能保留 一點點溫柔
我知道什麽時候回頭
不打擾你的自由

認識你也許我就足夠了
緣分的深淺我都不管了
可能你感動也看不見我心如刀割
哪怕很痛過 至少就不算錯過
好朋友只是朋友 還是朋友
不能夠佔有
好朋友瘋狂以後 就一個人走
無所求
好朋友只是朋友
只能保留 一點點溫柔
我知道什麽時候回頭
不打擾你的自由

愛人不是最好的朋友
朋友再好也不能牽手
感情在天平兩頭 誰都怕太沈重
好朋友只是朋友 還是朋友
不能夠佔有
好朋友瘋狂以後 還是一個人走
無所求
好朋友只是朋友
只能保留 一點點溫柔
我知道什麽時候回頭
不打擾你的自由

Till I Hear You Sing....

I stumbled upon this song while browsing through my friend's blog yesterday...and i found out that this is one of the songs from "Love Never Dies"....the so-called sequel of the Phantom of the Opera...coz Andrew Lloyd Webber didn't want his new musical labelled as that...after hearing 'till i hear you sing', i just couldn't get it off my head...no wonder Pei is so ga-ga over Ramin Karimloo...this guy's voice is amazing...and he sounds so good singing it live...

Here's a link to his live version of "till i hear you sing"...tell me if it isn't amazing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKajSh084WY

And here are the lyrics to the song...gee, i can really listen to him sing all day...

The day starts, the day ends
Time crawls by
Night steals in, pacing the floor
The moments creep,
Yet I can’t bear to sleep
Till I hear you sing

And weeks pass, and months pass
Seasons fly
Still you don’t walk through my door
And in a haze
I count the silent days
Till I hear you sing once more.

And sometimes in darkness
I dream that you are there
But wake holding nothing but the cold night air

And years come, and years go
Time runs dry
Still I ache deep in my core
My broken soul
Can’t be alive or whole
Till I hear you sing once more

And music, your music
It teases at my ear
I turn and it fades away and you’re not here

Let hopes pass, let dreams pass
Let them die
Without you, what are they for?
I’ll always feel
No more than halfway real
Till I hear you sing once more

Gosh! the lyrics...and Ramin's rendition...so much longing...so much passion...it's almost ecstasy...but i can't help wondering how it would be if Gerard Butler was singing this song...after all said and done, Gerard Butler is still...and always will be...the best Phantom ever...to me that is...after googling "Love Never Dies" and read its synopsis, i can't help wonder why Christine chose Raoul in the first place...i would have chosen the Phantom...

Little Superhero Girl...

Another week of intensive course...and another week of running to the wards and back to the lecture hall for classes...and tomorrow we have our own department presentation before the formal classes starts at 8am...skubalon!!! post call today...after suturing 3 faces from lunch till almost 8pm, thank God there were no more cases at night and i slept till the morning after finishing my presentation...

These 4 months (almost) have been a crazy roller coster ride...though there were more moments of spiralling down than a slow upward climb (not too sure which is actually the lesser of 2 evils)...but my life is pretty summed up by this Corrinne May's song called "Little Superhero Girl"...just wanna share the lyrics...you guys can find her song in Youtube quite easily...

Little Superhero Girl

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles
with lemonade
Play hide and seek
with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world
a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark,
but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

Happy Easter...and a letter...

I just came back from church a while ago...it was quite packed...almost triggered the agoraphobic in me to run away and hide...but it's Easter...i should be there where God's people are...grateful for the usher who found me a seat...God bless him...we didn't have the routine praise and worship and the dreaded 'chat time' followed by sermon like every Sunday...we had the worship team singing....and then a short skit about transformation...that was pretty funny...and then there were some 15-20 church members who came on stage with cardboards that were written on both sides...one side was what/how/who they were before they met Christ and the other side was what/how/who they became after meeting Christ...quite touching...one that really stuck to me was a cardboard that said "Hole in one"...which turned into "Holy one"...hahaha, pretty smart that one...

I was supposed to go up as well...apparently what i wrote during the cell meeting was deemed worthy enough to be put up on stage...truth be told, i don't really recall what i actually wrote...well, unfortunately (or fortunately) i couldn't make it for the briefing and rehearsal for the thing coz i was on call on both of the days...anyway, since it's Easter today, i thought i'd come home and listen to this cd by Brian Doerksen titled 'You Shine'...it's a compilation of praise and worship songs...given to me by a friend when she found out Pa passed away...so yea, i'm listening to it now, while waiting for episode 5 of 'One Meter Sunshine' loads on tudou.com....

I left church after the service...met some people i know...said hi and that was that...no one asked if i would like to join them for lunch and i didn't really feel like asking to tag along for lunch...didn't even manage to say hi to Eric or Banjo or Melvyn...high profile people like that are always having conversations with other people...and i didn't feel like being rude and interrupt...i just realized something...becoming a hermit and being shrouded in loneliness is a conscious decision...and all i felt when i walked away from the crowded church was apathy...and i'll be leaving KK soon...but i'm neither overwhelmed with sadness nor happiness...yup, definitely jaded...

Been listening to (or at least trying to listen) Peter Ho's songs...nothing that i'd swoon over...Khalil Fong's still my music man for now...but there was a song called 一封信 or 'A Letter' that totally made me cry a river...the lyrics were written by Peter Ho and this song was dedicated to 2 of his fans...a young girl who has passed away and her best friend...just wanted to share the song MV and lyrics...really touching...wonder if Peter Ho went to church this morning...hopefully he's not too busy to celebrate Easter...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my_5biwIG6E&feature=related

一封信

某年某月的某一天 (a certain day of a certain month and year)　
过境机场的角落里 (at a corner of the airport's transit)
一个陌生的小女孩 (an unfamiliar young girl)　
用着颤抖的口吻 (using a trembling tone)　我终于 　找到了你 (i've finally found you)

从她的怀里 (from her embrace)　跌落一封信 (a letter fell)　
微黄的纸张 (a tiny piece of yellowed paper)　清秀的笔迹 (with delicate handwriting)

我不认识你　却已经认识你 (i don't know you but am already familiar with you)
你从神经的最末梢　闯入我的生命里 (passing through the very last days , you charged into my life)
我不敢爱你　却十倍的爱你 (i dare not love you but loved you 10 fold more)
我在生命的最终点　鼓起勇气告诉你 (at the very end of my life, i took the courage to let you know)

某年某月的某一天 (a certain day of a certain month and year)　
北方医院的角落里 (at a corner of a hospital in the north)
躺在病榻前的女孩 (the girl lying at the sick bed) 　
燃烧最后　的光点 (kindling her last brightness)　写下了　她祝福 (wrote down her blessings)

星星一样的小光点 (like the tiny twinkling of the stars in the sky)　
我在这里看着你 (i'm here watching after you)
在阴天的心情里 (when the mood is like an overcast sky)　
却有阳光的温暖 (yet there is the warmth of sunshine)

脆弱...一半

为什么当我最脆弱的时候你的简讯就突然来问候我? 我不要你对我朋友的关心。。。我最讨厌你同情我。。。为什么不能喜欢我? 不能爱我? 难道我真的有那么差么? 对，我现在真的很需要安慰。。。但我不要你用朋友的身份来安慰我。。。但你做不到。。。者三个星期内，我已经面对了三个死亡。。。最初是爸爸离开了。。。后来周一同事的爸爸也去了。。。今天好朋友打电话来说她婆婆昨天也走了。。。太多死亡了。。。让我很害怕。。。很害怕随时又再失去我珍惜的人。。。

可能我还是比较适合一个人的生活。。。至少不知拥有就不知失落。。。我生命的主题曲该是丁当的“一半”。。。跟你们分享歌词吧。。。顺便翻译一下。。。

喝酒的伴 一起看电影的伴 (drinking partners, movie partners)
早午晚餐的那个伴 (the companion for breakfast, lunch and dinner)
朋友不能留得太晚 明天要上班 (friends can't stay out too late, tomorrow need to work)
唱K的伴 一起去旅行的伴 (karaoke partners, travel partners)
听懂我的笑话的伴 (a companion that understands my jokes)
我的生活 只差那个人就美满 (my life lacks that one person then it will be complete)

快乐少一人分享 快乐就只剩一半 (happiness that lacks another person to share with is happiness halved)
喝一碗汤 (drink a bowl of soup)
心怎么都不够暖 (why doesn't my heart feel warm enough?)
这张被单 这张睡床 (this quilt, this bed)
再舒服都觉得太宽 (no matter how comfortable it still feels too wide)
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半 (with no one to share with, happiness is halved)
就算把日子都填满 (even if days are filled)
节日却提醒我孤单 (holidays remind me i'm lonely)

没有想法 有想法又能怎样 (what does it matter if you have idea or not?)
只能写部落格整晚 (can only write blog all night long)
几个留言安慰不了 心里的遗憾 (a few comments cannot comfort my heart's regrets)
没有负担 原来也是种负担 (no burden is actually a kind of burden)
自由多得让人心慌 (how often can freedom cause someone's heart miss a beat?)
你羡慕我 那要不要跟我交换 (you envy me? then do you want to exchange?)

快乐少一人分享 快乐就只剩一半 (happiness that lacks another person to share with is happiness halved)
喝一碗汤 心怎么都不够暖 (drink a bowl of soup, why doesn't my heart feel warm enough?)
这张被单 这张睡床 (this quilt, this bed)
再舒服都觉得太宽 (no matter how comfortable it still feels too wide)
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半 (with no one to share with, happiness is halved)
努力把日子都填满 (trying hard to fill up my days)
别来提醒 我的孤单 (don't come to remind me that i'm lonely)

快乐少一人分享 快乐就只剩一半 (happiness that lacks another person to share with is happiness halved)
喝一碗汤 心怎么都不够暖 (drink a bowl of soup, why doesn't my heart feel warm enough?)
这张被单 这张睡床 (this quilt, this bed)
再舒服都觉得太宽 (no matter how comfortable it still feels too wide)
没人分享 幸福就只剩一半 (with no one to share with, happiness is halved)
就算把日子都填满 (even if my days are filled)
没人知道 我多孤单 (no one knows how lonely i am)

好了啦。。。我该睡了。。。睡在我太宽的床。。。晚安啦。。。

是你給我...a song from Kung Fu Chefs...

So i managed to finish watching Kung Fu Chefs this morning before i had to catch a plane back to KK...the movie wasn't all that great...as before, if it wasn't for Van Ness Wu, i wouldn't even bother watching...Van Ness was pretty funny in the show...though it was definitely not him speaking Cantonese...and his facial hair...hmmm, i still think he looks better without...

There was a song that played as the credits roll...found out that it was a Van Ness Wu song titled 是你給我...it's a nice song...and i was checking out its lyrics...very very touching and inspirational...i don't know who wrote it...and i know it's a song from a movie...but i think when Van Ness sang it, he was singing it to the Lord...his love song to the Lord...the 你 is God...well, at least when i read the lyrics i thought about God...and how He had helped me to go on..to find myself again...to believe again...

Anyway, here's a link to the song...and the lyrics and translation....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmBhE1VSl0A

終點究竟會是在哪裡 (where exactly is the final destination?)
有些猶豫是否該前進 (should we go ahead with certain hesitations?)
你說別懷疑就算路途艱辛 (You said don't doubt even though the road is arduous)
在下一秒都會變成回憶 (another second all will become memories)
讓我們追尋好的結局 (let us pursue a good ending)

是你給我繼續的勇氣 (it is You who gave me the courage to go on)
讓我重新找回自己 (let me find myself again)
決不再輕易放棄 (no longer give up easily)
因為你我會再次去相信 (because of You i will believe once again)
是你給我更多的堅定 it's You who gave me more firm determination)
對未來終於下定了決心 (at last i can make up my mind on my future)
再多困難我也會好好走下去 (even if there's more difficulties i will continue to go on)

下一站，幸福

今天是新年的第八天。。我就看完了一部偶像剧。。这部叫"下一站，幸福"。。这个戏真的让我太投入了。。连觉都不肯睡。。饭也不愿吃。。只是一直要看下一幕慕橙和光晞的感情会有怎样的发展。。连我 on call 时候都一直想到戏里面的每一幕。。我觉得看了几部偶像剧，这部的吻景是最炽热的。。那个吴建豪真的很会吻女人阿。。

我看了那么多天就哭了那么多天。。真的有太多让人感动的景。。还有最可爱的小小彬。。真的很懂事有会帮慕橙跟光晞拉近。。主题歌又好听。。尤其是丁当的 ‘亲人’ 和品冠的‘我以为’。。我知道在电影的爱情故事是不可能发生在现实里。。但如果这样的真爱能活在现实里。。那有多好呢。。一个能给对方勇气变更好的爱。。一个虽然失忆但过了六年还能反复回忆的爱。。一个六年前分开但六年候命运还让对方碰面的爱。。if i can find a love that beat against all odds, that even the heavens intervene to bring us together despite people and circumstances trying to tear us apart, no matter how much tears shed or how much pain endured, it'll still be all worth it...and i'll still be the happiest person in the world...

哈哈，不会用华文表达所以就用英文了。。但有时候我不明白。。为什么我们越爱一个人就会越伤到他? 明明是为他好却又伤害他。。还有剧里面很常有不顾一切去爱主角的配角。。却主角的真爱是另一个。。我真的很希望我这一辈子不是注定作配角而已。。我不甘愿。。我宁愿我爱情故事的书页是空白也不要一辈子当配角。。

结局的一幕，慕橙跟光晞说: "其实呢， 不管到哪里都可以， 因为只要有你的那一站， 就是幸福的"。。真的很感人以浪漫阿。。然后呢， 它们就吻了。。那个吻真的让人羡慕。。唉。。我今年快要三十岁了。。希望我的下一站是幸福的。。要跟你们分享丁当的 ‘亲人’。。我又试看翻译华文去英文...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcY75hwb_Ls&feature=related

別打開 禮物的緞帶 (don't untie the gift's satin ribbon)
最初充滿期待 最後都腐敗 (initially full of expectation, in the end became rotten)
別打開 午夜的電臺 (don't switch on the midnight radio station)
別讓情歌反覆再愚弄 (don't allow love song to deceive once again)

而愛 (and love)
並沒有教給我生存 (did not teach me how to live on)
只教我交易虛榮給天真 (it only taught me to trade innocence for vanity)
可是愛 (but love)
讓我們變成陌生人 (has allowed us to become strangers)
卻變不了更高尚的靈魂 (but cannot transform us into more noble souls)

不要吻我 只要抱著我 (don't kiss me, only embrace me)
不要愛我 做我的親人 (don't love me, become my loved one)
把手借我 一天一分鐘 (lend me you hand, a minute a day)
做我最親密的親人 (be my most intimate loved one)
不是誰的情人 誰的某某某 (not whose lover or whose so and so)

就算我 全身濕透透 (even if my whole body is completely wet)
我也不再被誰 牽著鼻子走 (i won't let anyone lead me by the nose again)
如果我 還握住拳頭 (if i'm still clenching my fist)
可能我怕我的夢飛走 (perhaps i'm afraid that my dreams will fly away)

而愛 (and love)
並不如你想的萬能 (is not as omnipotent as you thought)
不能讓我們不再戰爭 (cannot let us stop fighting)
可是愛 (but love)
連慈悲也沒多慈悲 (does not even show more mercy)
誰愛越深越容易被犧牲 (whoever love more is easier to be sacrificed)

不要吻我 只要抱著我 (don't kiss me, only embrace me)
不要愛我 做我的親人 (don't love me, become my loved one)
把手借我 一天一分鐘 (lend me your hand, a minute a day)
讓我還敢做我的夢 (allow me to still dare to dream)
做我夢中偉大的微笑的英雄 (become the great and smiling hero in my dream)

Wedding Dress - Tae Yang

Saw a link on FB by a friend....it was an English version of this Korean song titled "Wedding Dress"...originally sung by Tae Yang (i have no idea who he is but i assume he's a Korean singer)...the English version was sung by this guy called Kevin Lien...no idea who he is also... but the song is quite cool....especially the lyrics for the English version....so sad...and the MV...gosh...can really bring tears to the eyes...it's really so sad when you see the person you love getting married but the person he/she is marrying is not you...i wonder if i'd be sad when this finally happens to me...but i guess i probably won't, since i no longer harbour any feelings anymore...

Taeyang - Wedding Dress (English Version by Kevin Lien) W/ LYRICS

Taeyang - Wedding Dress [HD]

Incidentally, today i went to try out wedding dresses with Elaine...coz she's choosing her gowns for her wedding this coming November...she chose one white gown...which wasn't any of the ones she wore for her photo shoot...but this white one is a simple A-line floor-length dress with a layer of organza and glitter all over....made her looked like a princess...and she chose another evening gown for her dinner...a sky blue dress with cinched ruffle skirt and a bodice full of beads and sequins....very pretty....anyway, enjoy the songs...

Sometimes love just ain't enough....

I was listening to the radio tonight...and the DJ played an old Patti Smith song called "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough"...yea, i was listening to MYFM and why would a chinese radio station be playing an 80s English song yea? Actually, Stef Sun covered this song and tonight the DJ was playing English songs sung/covered by Chinese singers...

There's something about this song that is so sad...i'm a hopeless romantic and a bloody idealist... and i grew up believing in the foolish notion that love does conquer all...that if 2 persons really and truly love each other, they will beat the odds together...so when sometimes love just ain't enough, what else is there to hope for?

Found the lyrics and thought i'd just share them with you:

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

C/O: But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

And in case you want to listen to the song, here's the link :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaTiLzKJMAg&feature=related

So why did this song strike a chord? I don't know...maybe it reminds me of my past relationships.. which have obviously not work out...or maybe i'm just afraid that it could happen to my future relationship(s)...i definitely do not want to be the one who cry...and there's definitely a terrible terrible danger in loving somebody too much...and it's really really sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust/ they can't touch...but like the fool i am, i'll always hope that maybe this time, it'll be better...things will be different...but a part of me is afraid...of getting my heart broken...again...

I would liken the pain of a broken heart to birth pain...in that the pain is so unbearable that you usually develop selective amnesia towards the pain as soon as you see your beloved...either in the form of a lover or a newborn baby...and you'd gladly go through the process of a relationship or pregnancy until your heart breaks or your water breaks....the difference though is that at least in child birth, the pain in short-lived...but the pain of a broken heart may last a lifetime...time can never really heal a broken heart....it probably can just slowly anaesthetize the pain...

Neuro OT today

This is the reason why i dislike doing morning shift in OT...i always end up late to OT no matter if i wake up earlier to (hopefully) beat the stupid morning jam...and the worst thing is today is neuro OT and big boss is in charge...and i came into OT later than her...and the patient...sigh...i think she was so pissed that she totally ignored me...didn't let me intubate, set arterial line or CVL....dang!! so i was practically walking on the edge the whole day....well, i guess it's better to be ignored than to be picked on for every little thing i did...or did not do...

Anyway, whole morning this particular song kept playing on my mind and i was singing it to myself to keep myself awake...it's 徐佳瑩's 失落沙洲 (not sure how to translate but it roughly means missing a lost shore)...it's a very sad song actually...about this girl who lost her boyfriend...not sure of the COD coz it wasn't shown in the MV...but i always feel teary when i watch the MV...here's a link to the MV....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrhC7v8p4c&feature=related

Will share the lyrics and attempt to translate them into English...though somehow it won't be as touching as compared to understanding the lyrics in Chinese....

又來到這個港口 (I've arrived at the same port again)
沒有原因的拘留 (a prisoner without reason)
我的心乘著斑駁的輕舟 (my heart is riding a mottled boat)
尋找失落的沙洲 (searching for a lost shore)

隨 時間的海浪漂流 (being carried along by the tides of time)
我用力張開雙手 (with my strength i stretch out my hands)
擁抱那麼多起起落 (embracing all the ups and downs)
想念的還是你望著我的眼波 (but i still miss you gazing into my eyes)

C/o:我不是一定要你回來 (i do not insist that you must come back)
只是當又一個人看海 (but once again when i'm watching the ocean alone)
回頭才發現你不在 (i turn around only to realize you're not there)
留下我迂迴的徘徊 (leaving me lingering aimlessly)

我不是一定要你回來 (i do not insist that you must come back)
只是當又把回憶翻開 (but again when i consider our memories)
除了你之外的空白 (besides the blank space you left behind)
還有誰能來教我愛 (who else can teach me how to love)

又回到這個盡頭 (i've returned again to this end)
我也想再往前走 (i also wish to move on with my life)
只是愈看見海闊天空 (but the more i look at the endless ocean and sky)
愈遺憾沒有你分享我的感動 (the more i regret you're not here to share with me my emotions)

Repeat C/o

我不是一定要你回來 (i do not insist that you must come back)
只是當又一個人看海 (but once again when i'm watching the ocean alone)
疲憊的身影不是我 (the exhausted shadow is not me)
不是你想看見的我 (not the me you wish to see)

我不是一定要你回來 (i do not insist that you must come back)
只是當獨自走入人海 (but when i'm alone among the sea of people)
除了你之外的依賴 (besides depending on you)
還有誰能叫我勇敢 (who else could ask me to be brave)

除了你之外的空白 (besides the blank space you left behind)
還有誰能來教我愛 (who else can teach me how to love)