Worst nightmare...and a miracle...

Ok, so i've been in KB for about a month now...and i've finally been able to move into my new room over the weekend...i've been squatting at suet lai's room all this while...really thank God she didn't chase me out...but i really felt that i was overstaying my welcome...so was really glad when i could move into my new place...

While staying at suet lai's place, i've managed to have my first encounter with the notoriously noxious Paederus dermatitis...for 5 years i was in uni during undergrad i've managed to escape those bloody insects and 2 weeks into my stay in KB this time round the Paederus got to me...and of all places it had to be the underarm...so damn painful...and later on so itchy...i was so worried it was going to spread when the blisters broke...but thank God it didn't spread...and my skin is healing quite well...still itchy...and hyperpigmented...but i'll survive...

Today i got to come back from work early (early means before the sunsets)...so i went to do some grocery shopping and went back to my 2 day-old room...one minute i went into my room to put my bag (with my phone, house and car keys in it), the next minute i took my grocery bag to the kitchen and closed the room door behind me...after unloading my grocery, i went back to my room only to find my door has decided to lock me out...there was a latch behind the door and it must have latched on when i closed the door...how in the world that happened is beyond me....

I tried not to panic...i banged and banged against the door...without any success...then i just couldn't take it anymore...i just broke down and cried and cried...and asked God what did i do wrong? why is this happening to me? do i even need this? is my life not shitty enough already? i'm already so tired...and i'm locked out of my room and in my house...and my housemate isn't around...and i couldn't get any help from anyone...tell me if you wouldn't feel helpless in such a situation...

I was walking around the hall helplessly trying to look for something strong enough to break the latch...finally settled for my newly bought 5kg dynamo detergent bottle...banged and banged with all my strength while asking God to have mercy and give me a miracle...i really had no one to turn to anymore...so after about 20 minutes of banging, the door miraculously opened...thank God for His mercy...but i think i was still pissed that what happened happened...such an ungrateful daughter i am...and my hands and arms were shaking for quite some time after that...

All the really really long hours at work i can still endure...but to come home and get locked out of my room with no means of getting out of the house and no means to call anyone for help? i don't think i can take too much of such unneccesary stress...i'm just glad this ordeal is over...i don't know if i can take another one my way...but Lord, if You plan to, then You'll have to make sure You get me out of it...coz i can't do it on my own...

他不知道的事。。。

第一次看见他， 以为他是华人。。因为他的wide epicanthal folds出卖了他。。。。后来听到别人叫他的名字。。。阿! 为什么不是华人名?。。。原来是回教的。。。不过已经注意到他了。。。他笑时候有很可爱的crow's feet。。。也不懂为什么会喜欢看到他的皱纹。。。我一定是疯了。。。也许是他长的像一个我喜欢过的人吧。。。

今天他说他其实是华人。。。不过重小就被别人养。。。养父母是马来人。。。也不知道该不该相信他。。。听了之后有很多问题想问他,又不敢。。。今天也注意到他的长睫毛。。。太不公平了。。。为什么他是华人又有那么长的睫毛。。。我的又生那么短。。。

刚才他说了一句很让我好奇的话。。。他告诉别人我以前在urology部门很久所以一定很厉害放CBD。。。我好像没有跟他讲过呢。。。他是乱猜还是真知道? 奇怪。。。还有， 他说他看我的身份证号码吓了一跳。。。原来我是kelantan的人。。。这个我记得我跟他说过。。。我奇怪的是为什么他去看我的身份证号码呢?

好了啦。。。别幻想了啦。。。这是不可能的事。。。主啊，拜托啦。。。我说要嫁给华人。。。不是回教的华人阿。。。你就别让我喜欢上他了好不好? 没结果的是就别再又第二次吧。。。虽然我每天上班都是靠他的笑容度过的。。。不过我知道，你对我的爱是比谁都更深。。。所以我会选择跟你也不会选择跟他的。。。

It's a public holiday today :)

Hallelujah!!! Thank God for His mercy...today is a public holiday...i know, it's a Sunday and everywhere else in the world is a weekend but not so in Kelantan...actually this public holiday is so uncalled for...i guess the Kelantan government were so sure they were going to win the finals in the football match yesterday that they declared today as public holiday even before the match started... because of that, our free fibular flap for mandible reconstruction was cancelled today...i wasn't too disappointed though...but i think my bosses were...

Still had to go for round this morning...then the bosses came for round...we did the rounds and dressings till about 130pm...one of the boss came for morning round on Friday and Saturday and today...he even did his own dressing for some patients...such dedication...and they said only paediatrcians have OCD...after we finished round, the whole group of us went for lunch together...then i walked home coz where i'm staying now, it's only about 5 mins walk to the hospital...

Tomorrow there'll be a neovagina reconstruction with bilateral pudendal thigh flaps together with the gynae team...it'll be interesting to assist coz i've never seen it done before...been reading something about the embryology and anatomy of the female genital system and the procedures...hopefully won't be asked too many questions that i can't answer tomorrow...

The longest 2 days in my life...and more to come...

So the bunch of us started working on Wednesday morning...went to the hospital at 730am...it was our elective OT day...so day 1 of life in the department we get thrown into the furnace...we had a free fibular flap...saw 2 cleft lip repairs...assisted one frontalis advancement...and then scrubbed in for the flap as well...the flap started at 1030am...we only finished at 330am Thursday morning...and had to send the patient to ICU...had to made sure the transfer was uneventful so that the flap won't be compromised...and no, that wasn't the end of it yet...

There was a wound debridement and escharotomy in the emergency OT so us taggers had to stay back to assist and observed...and it ended about 6am plus...by the time we got out of OT and got home it was past 630am...so i only had time to bathe and brush my teeth and it was off to work again...i managed to sleep for like an hour during the escharotomy...but i really had problem keeping my eyes open during the briefing by our head of department...and there was a free flap which was postpone from yesterday which initially was cancelled...but then after lunch we got a msg saying it was on again...groan!!!!

So we went into OT...the latissimus dorsi free flap for foot reconstruction started at about 3pm...and we managed to get out of OT by 1030pm...woohoo!!! that was a miracle...at least Cinderella managed to get home before 12 midnight...really thank God for that...wanted to go to church this morning (in Kelantan we go to church on Fridays instead of Sundays coz Fridays are off days and Sundays are working days)...but when i woke up it was 1030am...hehe, church was halfway through...Suet Lai said don't worry...God will forgive me...He understands that i'm too tired...i just hope this won't be a regular thing coz i really want to start going to church again every week coz i haven't been doing that back in KK...

Oh well, at least today i got to rest a bit...managed to study a bit too...though half of the stuffs i read i couldn't understand...hopefully i'll be able to study enough to pass my 1st year exam...so many things to read...so little time...although it's really tiring to be in OT for long hours, but i actually like the things i'm observing and learning...so i guess it's not too bad...hopefully i can pull through these 4 years...gonna need lots of prayers and miracles...and probably won't be updating my blog as often...then again, since it's my only outlet, i may have more input...hehe...

Registered....

I've been in Kelantan since last Friday...and have been house/room-hunting since...Suet Lai and Jacintha 'pseudo-kidnapped' me to Perhentian Island on Saturday...all the while i had the idea that we were just going to the beach for a day trip...but i was glad for the getaway...only thing was i didn't bring an extra change of clothes and toothbrush...hehe, excuse to buy t-shirt and shorts...we stayed at this place called Bubu at Long Beach, Perhentian Kecil...the room was quite pricey...rm350 per night for a double...but it was quite cozy...and the view of the beach was just too lovely that i was trigger-happy with my camera...well, this was probably my last holiday before my suffering begins...

Spent the afternoon enjoying a nice Swedish massage and foot reflexology...and then wile the time away lying on a beach chair under an umbrella, reading a book and enjoying the view and breeze...ahhhh, this is the life...didn't see any sunset though since we were in the east coast...went to this restaurant called Oh La La for dinner...which was ran by these bunch of ang mohs...so i tried their beef wellington...which was pretty decent to me...initially we wanted to stay up and go to the beach about early morning to watch the stars and hopefully catch a few shooting stars...but i guess age is really catching up and so we were sleeping by 1am plus...

Came back on Sunday morning...managed to find a room which was quite spacious...and the rent was quite cheap...i still need to get some furnitures for the room...but at least the place was flood-safe...and the hall is so spacious i can have a party every weekend if i wanted to...except that it probably won't happen since i'd hardly be at home...and the downside is that i still can't move in coz the previous tenants still have their stuffs in the room...so until today, i'm officially home/roomless and a refugee...thank God for Suet Lai who allowed me to bunk in with her...

So this morning was the registration for the master programme...met up with quite a few old friends...it's good to see back familiar faces...some from back in uni...some from work...the registration didn't take too long...Sharon and i were done by about lunch time...so Jacintha came to pick us up for lunch...had arabic food at this place called Arabesque...had nasi mandi kambing...

So tomorrow is orientation...and then my suffering would start...gosh, this actually feels a bit like marriage...once you've signed the papers....you're bounded...for life...ok, at least for the master programme it would only be for the next 4 years...oh well, looking from the way things are, i might never get anywhere close to signing marriage papers...

可恶的男人。。。

我越看那个戏就越讨厌那个男生。。。真的很可恶。。。大骗子的混蛋。。。没良心没人性的死家伙。。。说什么 "你就是上天送给我最完美的圣诞礼物"。。。还有什么 "我会一直在你的身边。。。永远"。。。然后又在婚礼那天抛掉。。。不理是什么苦衷或原因， 也不可以一声不吭就消失阿。。。太不负责任啦。。。真的很想送几拳过去。。。如果真的遇到这样的人， 该咒他不得好死。。。让那个女的受那么
多苦。。。流那么多泪。。。本来还喜欢那个女的， 又假装冷漠狠心。。。这才是最没用的男人。。。胆小鬼。。。根本都不值得去爱。。。虽然就知道结局是那个没用的男人会跟那个女的在一起， 但我宁愿不是所谓的 happy ending。。。因为在现实上， 那个女的也不会傻傻的等那个男的三年。。。三年阿!!!! 等一个不告而别的死混蛋!!!! 不可能!!!! 真的气到我快要爆了啦。。。

爱， 无限。。。

正在看着一部偶像剧。。。其实没打算要看的。。。不过因为觉得很无聊， 所以就开始看了。。。爱， 无限的主题曲叫作 "我们都怕痛"。。。两段歌词好像在唱出我的心事。。。"我们都怕痛， 但又好像式者牵手， 两颗心， 隐藏在背后， 不敢承诺"。。。虽然不太喜欢潘玮柏的歌， 不过觉得这首满好听。。。戏里面的爱情故事有跟"红线"的传说有关。。。传说，只要月老在两个人的小指绑上了红线，这对恋人就注定会结为夫妻。。。

有时候，觉得命运在跟人们开玩笑。。。你心里深信是红线的另一半， 原来不是他。。。因为他根本对你没感觉。。。好了，那你终于遇见你真正命中注定的红线的另一半，因为某些太残忍的理由，又分开了。。。这不是命运在作弄吗? 戏还没看完。。。不过结局应该也是喜剧所谓的。。。

这戏也让我想， 错过的爱，其实是真的错过吗? 还是原本就不是你们俩的缘分? 比如说，你有一个很喜欢的人。。。你一直在等他希望有一天他会爱上你。。。其实他也早就喜欢你。。。但因为怕痛， 所以当你是朋友而已。。。过了很久， 你遇到了一个对你很好， 很关心你的人。。。他的关心超过朋友的关心。。。与你每次靠近他，心跳加速， 情绪紧张。。。那新的那个他才是你的缘分吗? 如果你等了很久的他终于鼓起勇气来告白他其实很爱你， 你又会感觉如何? 心里是否很矛盾? 还是你心里很坚定。。。过去就让他过去? 有新的爱情， 就要好好捉襟?

想和你们分享歌词。。。

我們都怕痛 (We're afraid of pain)

她說她再也不相信　真愛 (She said she no longer believes in true love)
我能給的安全感　也用完 (All the feelings of security i can give is all used up)
原本的孤單　已變成不安 (The initial loneliness has turned into turmoil)
像看穿卻又放不下　依賴 (It's like seeing through yet unable to let go off the dependence)

看著她低頭　勇敢牽著她就走 (Seeing her head bowed, bravely hold her hands and leave)
別怕　只要在一起就能穿越黑晝 (don't be afraid, as long as we're together we can overcome dark times)
她的眼睛說 愛太迷人卻猜不透 (her eyes said, love is too enchanting yet we're unable to see through it)
她的脆弱只有我能　看透 (I'm the only one who can see through her weakness)

我們都怕痛　但又好想試著牽手 (We're afraid of pain, but wish to try holding hands)
兩顆心　隱藏在背後　不敢承諾 (Two hearts hiding behind, do not dare to promise)
不想再難過　丟棄回憶重新來過 (Don't want to be grieved again, abandon memories to start over)
讓我永遠牽著妳　把手給我 (Let me hold your hands forever, give me your hand)

她說她再也不相信　真愛 (She said she no longer believes in true love)
我能給的安全感　也用完 (All the feelings of security i can give is all used up)
原本的孤單　已變成不安 (The initial loneliness has turned into turmoil)
想看穿卻又放不下　依賴 (It's like seeing through yet unable to let go off the dependence)

看著我低頭　她說她願跟我走 (Seeing my head bowed, she said she wishes to follow me)
好怕　讓她心碎的痛又反覆折磨 (So afraid to let her heart be broken and pain once again torment her)
我的眼睛說　笑或淚我都會守候 (My eyes said, i will guard both laughter and tears)
她是我唯一執著的執著 (She is the one and only i persevere for)

我們都怕痛　但又好想試著牽手 (We're afraid of pain, but wish to try holding hands)
兩顆心　隱藏在背後　不敢承諾 (Two hearts hiding behind, do not dare to promise)
不想再難過　丟棄回憶重新來過 (Don't want to be grieved again, abandon memories to start over)
讓我永遠牽著妳　把手給我 (Let me hold your hands forever, give me your hand)

我們都怕痛　但又好想試著牽手 (We're afraid of pain, but wish to try holding hands)
兩顆心　隱藏在背後　不敢為愛承諾 (Two hearts hiding behind, do not dare to promise for love)
不想再難過　丟棄回憶重新來過 (Don't want to be grieved again, abandon memories to start over)
讓我永遠牽著你　把手給我 (Let me hold your hands forever, give me your hand)