An un-fairytale-like life...

     You know how in movies, a man and a woman always meet by chance/ serendipity/ fate/ etc? And their characters are usually worlds apart but somehow it was like they've found their soul mate in each other and despite all the craziness and ups and downs, they still ended up together...although we don't ever get to see what happens during "happily ever after"...and so growing up, you, the ever hopeless romantic, wished and prayed that that's how your love life would play out in real life...but real life has a way of thwarting your plans and wishes...so broken relationships after broken relationships, you grew more jaded and disillusioned...and along the way, you've been told that falling in love is easy and staying in love is hard work...and that falling in love is an involuntary high that would eventually wear off while choosing to love in spite of someone's flaws is the kind of love that would last...
      
     So one day, you decided to not let your heart rule your head anymore and choose to love someone who claimed to love you...someone who have loved you for a long long time...for a while, you seemed to be able to fool your heart and head into believing that this was the right thing to do...but you ended up stuck in a relationship that made you miserable and angry all the time...he didn't just murder the hopeless romantic in you, he buried it so deep that you'd probably never be able to exhume whatever residue was left...and finally after months of contemplation, you decided you wanted out...you've been reduced to a shadow of your former self and you didn't think you could live like that for the rest of your life...

     Somewhere along your unhappy relationship, you had a chance meeting with a man under the strangest circumstance...somehow, he left a mark, somewhere in your subconscious mind i suppose...but you didn't think much of it coz after all, yours is a real life yea? And so you trudged along in your real mundane life...and just when you think your life couldn't get any worse, it did...but you're no quitter...so you bulldozed on...and then you asked God why? it's not like you were gonna meet someone new where you were...and then, just like an answer to a prayer you didn't really mean to pray, you had a 2nd chance meeting with that man, again under the most unlikely circumstance (sometimes I wonder at God's sense of humour and irony)...and then he disappeared from your life again...so you moved on...thinking chance meeting are better left as just that...after all, your life was a big furry ball of mess anyway...

     And just when your life seemed to be climbing back up from shithole to mundane, the man contacted you...and something started...although you knew he was the kind of man your mom would specifically forbid you to date...and you knew he was not right for you...even your friends warned you...but you told yourself, nay, we're not dating...we're just friends...and your self-esteem was so damaged from your recent relationship that you didn't even think he was in any way remotely interested in you...but it turned out that he was interested in you...and at the beginning, he was so into you...there was a stupid saying that went something like this: marry the person who is willing to drive 5 hours just to see you for 1 hour...and he was doing something like that...and you were so touched by his thoughtfulness...in the beginning your head told you to run for your life...don't get involved with him...and you did try to tell him that you guys shouldn't be starting something that has no future...but somehow he was so persistent...and you fell hook, line and sinker...

     But as this is real life, all good things will come to an end...few months down the road, he seemed distracted...you were no longer his priority...and you wondered if you were ever his priority...while in the beginning, there were daily good mornings and good nights (to show that you were the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep), now he would go on for days without sending you messages...he doesn't make the time to drive the distance to see you like how he used to...and when you're back in town, he doesn't pick you up to go out anymore...you asked him if he was getting bored of you, but as with most men who were, he said you were thinking too much...he said he was busy with a lot of things... which only convinced you further that he was not so into you anymore...

     Friends told you it's time to move on...but since you're no quitter, you gave him the benefit of doubt...but things only seem to drift further apart for both of you...you were unhappy...you thought, no woman likes to be a back-burner/ time-filler/ non-priority in a man's life...especially a man who was priority to her...and you told him how you felt, and he told you all this was not important...and during your last meeting, when both of you were hanging out with his friends, he danced with the 2 other women in the group, but never once did he ask you to dance...and you wondered, was he trying to stir up jealousy in me? or was that his not-so-subtle hint that he'd rather be dancing with other women than me? anyhow, you were finally convinced that it was time to move on...on your own...for your own sanity's sake and future... sometimes, you just have to be a selfish bitch who puts herself as priority in her own life...and yet, you feel guilty for wanting to end this non-relationship thinking you don't want to hurt his feelings, when he probably won't even miss you when you're gone... and you thought this was probably the ultimate goodbye speech and wondered if you should try it on him...

     So it's time to move on in your un-fairytale-like life...you tell yourself, it's better to be miserable out of your own choice than be miserable due to someone else...and you'd rather be alone and happy/ miserable than have someone but still feel miserable...and at this point in life, while most of your friends are living with their happily ever after which revolves around cute little kids, surely you've learned enough lessons in love and in life...here're a few on top of my head:
  1. Not everyone whom you meet by chance/ fate/ serendipity will be the one for you...
  2. Sometimes you meet the right guy whom you're crazy about, but at the wrong time and place...and somehow things just don't work out for you...
  3. Sometimes in a relationship, love really just ain't enough...
  4. You know how we are told to always look for the best in others, they didn't tell you that most times you will still get disappointed by others despite their best intentions...
  5. Stop being gullible and don't let ppl take advantage of your kindness
  6. Everyone will fail you...only God won't...and you're His utmost priority...     
     
     Well, since you're suffering the curse of singlehood (which is probably to wander restlessly alone in the world), it's time to brush up your poor rusty French to prepare for your Paris and Southern France trip...a whiff of the cool Mediterranean breeze will always do good to your soul...