Today was my first day of life in surgery...i supposed it was a good thing i started on a Friday coz Friday is quite a lepak day for surgery....and i was put in unit 2...boss was already doing round by the time i came to the ward...i saw him on the way nearing the hospital and gave him a lift...i dropped him off but i had to search for parking...that's why i was late...yea i know, excuses excuses...
After round, we went to Queen for Mortality Meeting...i realized that half of the patient's names were familiar...coz i've probably seen them in the OT, ICU or ward along the way prior to their deaths... then it was lunch time...Friday lunches are sponsored by HOs...and today, lunch was Indian food...after that it was just time for gossiping and socializing...anyway, 1st day of life and boss was already discouraging me by telling me all the horror stories...
Well, truth is, i'd probably have some adjustment disorder before i can really settle down in surgery... it's not gonna be easy to get used to 'no more post call day off'...which means i can't look forward to 8am to go home to sleep after a night of horrible call...and i'll have to deal with HOs who work under me...and i'll have to go for morning rounds during weekends...and i'll be doing a lot more EODs till we get more MOs...and God only knows when that will be...
During lunch break, i got a msg from a friend telling me she just had a suction and currettage for missed abortion...i was shocked...i was just having dinner with her and her husband and another friend the night before....and there i was telling them about my 'story'....and all the while i didn't even realize that she was suffering a much bigger and more painful loss...and she was like asking me how could i have kept my 'story' a secret from them for that long...and i'm wondering the same about her too now...but i guess i can see where she was coming from...i mean, i guess she didn't want to let everyone know of her happiness before she feels that it has mature to a stable enough state...in case everything just comes crashing down on you after you've shared your happiness with everyone...it would have been much more painful to have to deal with sympathies and concerns and pity...but i still wish i could have been able to share the joy and the pain with her...but i guess some demons can only be dealt with on your own huh?
Oh well, need to sleep...still need to go for round tomorrow morning...Lord, may you heal my friend and i physically, emotionally and spiritually...Amen...
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