It's Saturday and the 2nd day of life in surgery...i was determined to tag and do some appendicectomies...and i kinda did 2...with a lot of help from the senior MOs...i came home around 930pm...Jasmine was outraged and accused my bosses of working me too hard...i actually didn't mind spending the whole day in the hospital...surrounded by people...it distracts me from needing to feel...
When i get home, i become aware of the fact that i'm alone and when i'm alone, i start feeling miserable....the thing is, i've never really felt lonely when i'm alone at home...i actually like being alone at home...but that's the thing about having had something yea? you feel the lost even more becoz you've had that thing...i was asking God, why did He have to be cruel?...to give me something only so that i can lose it....coz i was happy with my own little life...and i never complained about being alone...but then He made me aware of the happiness of having someone to share my life with, only to take it away and made me more aware of how horrible loneliness feels...
It's not God's fault really...that's the problem with free will...i'm always doing things the way i want it... when God doesn't even want that for me...when He has a better plan for me...and yet i've always managed to screw up His plans...sometimes i imagine God looking down at me and shaking His head, thinking why is it so difficult to knock some good sense into me...
Right, enough rambling for now...tomorrow still need to tag...urgh!!! only day 2 and i'm already tired...Lord, give me strength!!!
I love being alone... : )
ReplyDeleteUsed to it, from primary school time till now.
I supposed, I held high up to my privacy.
it's ok johnny...i'll re-learn to love being alone again soon enough...hey, i used to love being home alone back in school...except that i hardly get the chance...hehe
ReplyDelete